Angel At My Table
by Greenaway
Summary: There are two sides to every story His and Her's. When Edward and Bella make the mistake of blurring the lines between Employer and Employee at the Annual office Christmas party both of their lives change dramatically. Told by both Bella and Edwards POV
1. The Mistake

**A/N: First off welcome to 'An Angel At My Table,' this story is a collaboration between myself (cinnamon twist 101) and my dearest friend Greenaway. This story has both Bella and Edward's points of view in every chapter. Bella's point of view is written by myself, Edward's point of view is written by Greenaway.**

**This story has been a mammoth effort on both Greenaway and my part, with hundreds of hours spent on Yahoo chat deciding plotlines and writing the character's conversations, so some thank you's are in order. **

**First and foremost to our wonderful husbands who for the most part have been extremely supportive considering we have spent the last four months pretty much ignoring them completely... And to our children, we do love you babies with all our hearts... I would like to personally thank Greenaway for unselfishly giving me her valuable time and for not hating me when I drove her to work so hard she got really sick and couldn't get out of bed for a week....And we would also like to give a special thank you to Mr Robert Pattinson our personal muse, and to Mr Brandon Flowers (of the killers, whose music saw us through some tough times.)**

**A special note from Greenaway: Also, a special thank you to CinnamonTwist101, because without her, there would be no Angel at My Table. It was her original concept that sparked off this mammoth quest and her patience with all my slowness (for lack of a better word) in keeping up with my half. The woman is a machine.....LOL. Thanks Cin, not only did writing with you improve my own skills, I also got a wonderful friend through this story. And Edward says sorry for all the headaches..... LOL Also, since both Cin and I are Kiwis this story is set in wonderful New Zealand.  
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**WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO WISH OUR READERS A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY SEASON!!!!**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway and I own An Angel at my Table, Britney Spears owns if you seek Amy and the Violent Femmes own, Add it Up.**

**WARNING...This story contains ADULT CONTENT AND WE ADVISE AN R18 RATING...**

**So without further ado we give you chapter 1 of 'An Angel At My Table'...**

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**CHAPTER 1: Mistake… **

**Bella's POV**

When my eyelids finally fluttered open and I saw the time I groaned audibly and rolled out of bed, of course my alarm clock didn't go off this morning, making me late for my last day of work before we broke for the Christmas break. It shouldn't have surprised me the clock malfunctioned I'd been having the week from hell when it came to computerised gadgets.

Already this week my computer had crashed twice, causing me to lose valuable data I hadn't had the chance to back up.

I sighed heavily, muttering, "Why do I have to repel stupid fuckin technology? It's supposed to make my life easier," as I made my way to the shower. I spent only enough time to wash myself quickly before I was out again and heading to my wardrobe.

I had three deadlines to meet today, including redoing the two hundred page report I'd lost when the computer crashed. If they weren't finished by five o'clock I'd definitely be missing the office Christmas party, which normally wouldn't bother me accept for the fact that I'd had such a suck-ball week I was quite looking forward to letting loose and getting drunk.

I've been working at Cullen Industries since I left school ten years ago, I'd originally worked for Emmett Cullen until I was poached by his younger and drop dead gorgeous brother Edward, whose P.A. I'd been for going on three years. We had a cordial but strictly professional relationship, though I did find myself on occasions wondering what sort of fuck he'd be, by his prowess I'd guess a pretty good one.

While the other P.A.s and I'd imagine most of the other female staff, continuously talked about how they'd love to take a ride on 'Edward, aka, Sex on Legs,' I never joined in their conversations, for one he was my boss and secondly I didn't trust any of them to keep it a secret. No I just admired Edward from afar.

I grabbed my keys and rushed from my apartment, hoping that if I was lucky enough I'd be able to get the next train into the city. I just managed to squeeze into the packed train as the doors were sliding closed; I took a minute to catch my breath and rub my stomach, trying to ease the stitch in my side.

When I finally made it into my office I was forty five minutes late, I knew I'd have to forgo my lunch hour to make up the time and I inwardly cursed my seemingly hideous back luck with all things computerised. I reluctantly by passed my morning caffeine fix and went straight to work on my report; I worked through my lunch hour and finally managed to get it done by four.

I looked up expectantly when I heard Edward's office door open, I couldn't help but sigh quietly when he appeared in the doorway, dressed in charcoal coloured dress pants and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up the forearms, a midnight blue tie knotted at his throat.

"Oh Isabella you're still here? I thought you'd have joined the others at the party by now." His voice was smooth and velvety, it sounded sexy even though his tone was professional.

"Yes, unfortunately Mr Cullen my computer crashed during the week, so I'm a little behind on my work.

"Oh, well be sure to finish it and leave it on my desk before you join the rest of the staff."

"Of course... Mr Cullen," I tried not to spit his name between my teeth as I clenched my jaw shut. It wasn't my fault the company's crappy computers failed.

I tried to concentrate on my work rather than the raucous noise of my colleagues who were already fully enjoying themselves. I was grateful for the small respite from my technological nightmare, which came in the form of my two sisters, Rosalie and Alice who worked for an associate company of Cullen Industries, who turned up with a dozen tequila shots and half a dozen glasses of champagne on a silver tray.

"Hey Bells, we came to save you from your slave driver Boss." Rose chortled. Alice just giggled while nodding her head in agreement

I rolled my eyes at the pair of them but laughed. "You know I can't drink those yet? I've still got to print and bind this stupid report and two others before I can even contemplate getting intoxicated."

"Oh come on Bells, you might as well catch up to us while your report prints, you've done all the hard work." Alice waved a shot of tequila under my nose, her lips jutted out into a sulking pout and she stared at me mischievously with her dark obsidian eyes.

"Fine, give it to me." I took the shot from her hand, gave Edward's closed door a guilty look, and downed it quickly, relishing the burn of the alcohol as it slid down my throat. I reached for another two and gulped those back as well.

I was feeling pretty good after I had downed all the shots and two glasses of crystal champagne, but the feeling was short lived, I swore loudly, though I wasn't entirely surprised, when the printer malfunctioned and jammed, after printing only twenty pages of the report. Alice and Rose giggled in a sympathetic way; I scowled menacingly as I made my way to the offending machine.

I bashed my fists down on the top of the printer, "Stupid fucking fucktard printer," I shouted…" Rage was bubbling in me and I continued muttering insults and manhandling the printer. The abrupt silence made me stop mid rant; I turned towards Edward's door instinctively and saw him standing there staring at me with arched brows and an extremely annoyed look on his face.

"Excuse me Ms Swan but would you like to tell me why you're destroying Company property?" I scowled to myself but resisted the urge to tell him his tight arse company should supply some decent office equipment but his eyes were narrowing and his frown became deeper as he waited for me to answer him.

"Oh…um…Sorry Mr Cullen but the copier malfunctioned and I was just trying to coax it into working for me." I tried to look innocent, but I think I came across as slightly drunk or insane because Edward was not impressed; his voice cracked whip as it reverberated around the office.

"We have a maintenance team to deal with break downs Ms Swan. I would appreciate if in future you would call them instead of abusing the equipment." I stole a look at Rose and Alice who were trying not to laugh at me as they made a quick getaway.

"Of course Mr Cullen I'll phone them immediately." I picked up the phone but instead of dialling, I watched Edward storm into his office and slam the door. I gave the door the one finger salute before dialling the number for maintenance.

I was just trying to pull the offending paper from the machine when I was grabbed from behind by a massive pair of hands, "Bells, why are you still working? You know you should tell that stuck up prick in there to fuck off and come back and work for me. I miss you; remember how much fun we used to have?" Emmett's booming voice echoed around the small office and nearly deafened me.

"Ssh, he'll hear you. He's already given me a telling off for manhandling office equipment, I don't want to infuriate him any more than I already have. I've only got this report and two others to print and I'll finally be finished, that's if stupid maintenance hurries up and gets here. And of course I remember how much fun work was when you were my boss, but coming back to work for you isn't a possibility, Fucktard wouldn't cope without me, even though he'd never admit it."

Emmett snorted and nodded in agreement, "True he would be lost without you and you're right he'd never admit it, he is a total fucktard." We laughed at Edward's expense and I felt my bad mood lifting. I missed working with Emmett, he was like the big brother I never had but always wanted.

I turned in his embrace and couldn't help but laugh when I saw him clad in a pair of novelty reindeer antlers and glowing red Rudolph nose, "Emmett you look ridiculous."

"I know, the fucktard has already told me half a dozen times." I laughed when Emmett scowled and gave Edward's door a one finger salute.

"Bells if you're waiting on maintenance you've got time to come and indulge in some Christmas cheer with me, god knows you deserve it after surviving another year working for 'Mr up his arse' in there." Emmett wagged his brows at me and I knew straight away what he was getting at.

For the last seven or eight years Emmett and I had been sneaking off during the office Christmas party to do a couple of rails of cocaine each to help us survive the usually tedious event.

I let out an audible half exasperated sigh, "Are you fucking mad? If Edward caught me he'd fire me on the spot."

Emmett chortled, "Relax Bells, there's no way Edward would fire you, no one else would last working for the dick." My retort was lost when Emmett and Edward's brother Jasper walked through the door, wearing a Santa hat and beard; he was carrying a tray of shooters.

"Hi ya Bella, Alice told me Scrooge Mc Duck still had you tied to your desk. Honestly girl you need to tell Edward to pull the carrot out of his arse and lighten up, its Christmas after all... Any way I brought you another round of sanity or insanity, depending on how you look at it." He gave me a warm smile through his beard that lit up his eyes.

"Jesus…are you two conspiring to trying to get me fired? The Grinch is in a bad enough mood already, I don't want to antagonise him any further."

"Yes you do Bella! that's exactly what you should do, antagonising Edward is mine and Emmett's favourite game, has been since we were kids, we're always looking for new recruits to join us."

I laughed loudly at the mental picture of Edward as a child throwing a hissy fit to his mummy cause his big brothers were being mean to him. "Jasper; stop encouraging me," I took a shooter from him; and looked at Edward's closed door with a scowl.

I brought the glass to my lips and tipped the contents into my mouth letting it glide down my throat with a satisfied sigh. The shooters were delicious and I grabbed another one, "salute," I licked the last of the creamy alcohol from my lips and reached for another.

"That a girl Bells; now that Jasper's here he can distract Edward while you and I have a rest room break," I glared at Emmett and he smirked at me.

Jasper let out a low husky laugh, "it's all good Bella, its Christmas after all and I wouldn't want you to miss out on our fun." I knew what he meant at once and I relaxed, obviously Jasper was on the same page as Emmett and I when it came to surviving the office Christmas party.

Before I could even begin to protest Emmett hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me to my private restroom. I was anxious as I locked the door, Emmett prepared our rails and I took the hundred dollar bill off him with shake of my head and bent over the small mirror he had set up on the cistern.

I closed my eyes with a grateful moan as the cocaine travelled through my nasal passages and into the back of my throat.

Emmett checked the coast was clear before we slipped from the bathroom, he kissed my lips softly and gave me a goofy smile, "I'll see you later on Bells."

"Thanks Emm I really appreciate it." I snuck back to my office and cursed inwardly when I saw that maintenance still hadn't showed up, at this rate I'll be lucky to be out of here by the morning.

I gulped down the rest of the tray of shooters that Jazz had left on my desk and moved over to Edward's office door, pressing my ear against the wood hoping to find out if he and Jazz were still in the office.

It was silent and I guessed they'd joined the staff back at the party.

I turned my eyes on my most hated piece office equipment and scowled menacingly at it as I tried to pull the jammed papers from its death grip, but I only succeeded in ripping them in half.

I resisted the urge to absolutely bash the shit out of the stupid thing; I couldn't allow myself to get caught twice in one night. I mumbled a string of obscenities under my breath and grabbed my IPod from my desk draw. I flipped it to a song guaranteed to put a smile on my face.

I turned the volume up and let the shiver of pleasure, courtesy of the alcohol and cocaine, wash over me, I could feel the stress of the week leaving me slowly but surely and I silently thanked Emmett for coming to my rescue.

I began to dance around the office as I sung random lyrics from the song.

_La, la, la, la, la, la_

_La, la, la, la, la, la_

I stopped suddenly and l looked behind me, I had the strangest feeling I was being watched. I couldn't see anyone and shook my head at myself and after a minute went back to dancing, thanks to the cocaine I couldn't stay still and I thought I might as well have some fun on my own while I waited for dumb ass people from maintenance to show up.

"_Oh baby have you seen Amy tonight_

_Is she in the bathroom is she smoking up outside. Oh_

_Oh baby, baby does she take a piece of lime_

_For the drink that I'm ma gonna buy her do you know what she likes. Oh_

_Oh, oh, tell me have you seen her? Because I'm so oh_

_I can't get her off my brain_

_I just want to go to the party she gonna go_

_Can somebody take me home?_

I stopped mid dance, I just couldn't shake that eerie feeling I was being watched. I checked behind me again and still couldn't see anybody. I laughed at myself; maybe the coke was making me paranoid.

_Love me hate me, say what you want about me_

_But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U Seek Amy_

_Love me hate me, but can't you see what I see_

_All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if U seek Amy_

I ran my hands down my body and shivered involuntarily, as I danced around the room I still felt like I was being spied on. I took a second to check outside my office door, there was no one lurking in the hallway and I convinced myself I was really just being paranoid, I shut the door behind me.

I danced back toward my desk, keeping in time to the bubblegum pop princess' lyrics, that sounded in my ears.

_So tell me if you see her_

_Cause I've been waiting here forever_

_Oh baby if you seek Amy tonight_

_Oh baby we'll do whatever you like_

_Oh baby, baby, baby_

_Oh baby, baby, baby_

_Love me hate me, say what you want about me_

_But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy"_

I had just adjusted my skirt which had ridden up my thigh when a pair of strong toned arms encircled me from behind, one arm moved to yank the earphone from my ear, I stifled my scream when I recognised the smooth velvety voice that whispered in my ear, though I'd never heard it with that husky tone that sounded like pure sex.

"Isabella, my office... Now," my breath hitched in my throat and my heart began to race even faster; the bizarre tingle in my skin from his touch was beginning to increase in voltage and course through my body.

Every single cell inside me was thrumming with electricity reacting to his presence, I was confused at my bodies reaction to him, the way it seemed to be singing for him all of sudden.

It made no sense, we'd worked together for all these years and nothing even remotely like this had happened in the past, he'd never shown me more than professional courtesy, god he'd never even once asked me if I had a nice weekend. He'd certainly never spoken to me or touched me like this before.

Though I'd been with a few men in my life I could honestly say I'd never reacted like this to any ones touch, it was incredible. I could only describe the intensity of it as like grabbing the end of exposed live wires and getting electrocuted, but without the pain.

I stood frozen to the spot, and although my body was on high alert my brain felt hazy and slack in its confusion.

His hands slid to cup my breasts as he stepped closer into me; I could feel his erection pressing into my back as he urged us forward toward his office. His lips nuzzled at the delicate skin of my neck, causing a soft moan to slip from between my lips.

I opened the office door, not wanting him to take his hands off me, my mouth watered when I inhaled the yummy musky sweet fragrance of his skin. The alcohol on his breath was strong and wondered briefly how much he'd had to drink.

He walked us through the door and kicked it shut with his foot, "God I love the way you smell, so exotic, spicy like cinnamon."

I twisted in his embrace, my eyes immediately searching his, he was looking at me with nothing but undisguised lust and longing.

I was assaulted by another surge of want, it rushed through me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, I could feel the moisture pooling in my panties and it spurred me on.

I brought my mouth to his and when his lips touched mine, my blood boiled in my veins, the moisture leaking from me soaked into my panties and I moaned into his mouth.

His hands slid down my sides pausing at the hem of my skirt, his mouth was demanding against mine and he pulled me deeper into the kiss, another low moan escaped my throat as his hands disappeared beneath my skirt and slid up my thighs. His fingers toyed with the lacy edging of my soaked panties.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a small voice was screaming that I should stop this right now, not only was highly inappropriate, if we got caught I would surely get fired, this type of thing was strictly forbidden between employees, especially a P.A. and her boss, but I couldn't seem to find the resolve or strength to pull myself from his embrace.

His mouth slid up my neck and He sighed against my ear as his fingers slipped under the silky fabric and slid along my wet folds, "God Isabella; you feel like heaven, so soft so warm," His sigh turned into a deep husky growl that had my knees trembling when his fingers disappeared into my core, "fuck… so_ wet_…I wanna fuck you Bella, need to feel myself inside you."

I was surprised to hear him call me Bella; he of all the Cullen's was the only one whoever usually called me by Isabella.

He pulled his lips from my ear as his fingers slid from my core. Hooking his fingers around the delicate tulle fabric, he slid them from my body, my skirt swiftly followed. My hands shook as they undid the last three buttons of his shirt and my breathing hitched when my hands came in contact with the smooth hard plains of his stomach.

Edward's fingers were much surer as they made easy work of my shirt, his eyes roamed over my body as he slid the fabric from my shoulders. His eyes darkened perceptibly when my breasts came free of my bra and his hand instinctively reached out to massage them roughly.

I tugged impatiently at his pants undoing his fly roughly in my haste to feel him naked in my hand, I slid his pants and boxers over his hips and down his thighs, my moan was almost a growl as my fingers closed around his hard cock.

I relished the feeling of it sliding along my cupped palm, my thumb slid over the tip smearing the precum gathered there. I let him slide out of my hand and brought my moist thumb to my mouth, sucking the salty taste that was pure Edward from the pad.

"Fuck Bella; can't wait any longer." He lifted me into his embrace holding our naked bodies firmly against each other as he walked us to his desk; he sat me on the edge and brought his lips to mine in a searing kiss that left me breathless.

I couldn't wait any longer either, to feel him inside me; my dripping core was aching with its need to have him buried deep within my warmth. I reluctantly broke the kiss and lay back across his desk, looking deep into his beautiful green eyes.

"So beautiful Bella; spread out like a feast before me." I was so caught up in his words and by the way he was looking at me that I gasped in surprise when he gripped my ankles and spread my legs.

Our groans resonated around the room as he plunged himself into me in one fluid motion, I couldn't believe how beautiful he was. I'd never really appreciated how much of a perfect specimen of a man he was. His body was toned and well defined, his chest smooth and broad, his stomach hard and perfect. I let my eyes wander in from the V that started below his hip bones, to the line of silky black hair that trailed down from his belly button .

I lifted my gaze back to his, his eyes were deep, dark and lust filled, my hands ghosted over my breasts, I palmed them softly before rolling my nipples between my fingers.

Edward growled and thrust harder burying himself deep within me. His pace was rapidly becoming frenetic as was the voltage of electricity racing through me, I could feel intense pleasure building within me, the electricity was beginning to concentrate in my core and my senses were on pleasure overload.

His name repeatedly fell from my lips in a trembling quiver as my muscles clamped around his cock. I let the force of my orgasm carry me away into the sweetest delirium I had ever experienced.

The first thing I became consciously aware of was the reckless abandon Edward was fucking me with, his fingers were gripped so tightly around my ankles it was almost painful, even though his pace was frenzied his eyes never left mine.

I could feel another orgasm approaching, I grabbed the edges of the desk as my back arched off the table and the violent tremors rocked over me again.

"Bella, so beautiful when you come for me, calling my name, it sounds like heaven, I'm gonna cum for you Bella…in your beautiful tight pussy."

I watched Edward in fascination, I was desperate to see how beautiful he looked when he was caught up in his release, his eyes rolled back in his head and his lids fluttered closed, a low guttural growl hissed through his clenched teeth as his body shuddered with the force of his climax.

I smiled at the magnificent sight of the look of pure ecstasy on his face as all his walls, came tumbling down.

His eyes opened as his shudders subsided; he gave me a dazzling smile one I had never seen him wear before, my breath caught in my throat at the sheer beauty of it. He leaned forward pressing his body against mine with a groan; he brought his lips to mine kissing me sweetly before moving them to my neck.

We were both so caught up in the moment neither of us registered the noise outside the door, but our eyes met in panic when we heard the knock echo around the room. Before either of us had time to move the door flew open.

We both looked around I could feel Edward's heart pounding against my chest and I was sure he could feel mine doing the same against his. My heart sank and a small sob passed my lips as I took in Carlisle furious face, Emmett and Jasper stood either side of him both wearing equally dumbfounded looks.

"Edward, Isabella what is the meaning of this? I want you to both get dressed this instant. Carlisle slammed the door shut and another sob escaped me.

Edward's face had drained of colour, his skin was almost translucent. He withdrew from me without meeting my gaze or saying anything and hurriedly put on his clothes; he left the office without so much as a backward glance.

I got up off the desk and retrieved my clothes from the floor; I didn't bother to wipe away the relentless tears spilling down my cheeks. I stumbled to Edward's bathroom and locked the door behind me; I leaned against the door for a few minutes trying to regain my composure before heading for the ivory coloured marble sink.

I looked in the mirror with a groan, my hair was a complete mess and my mascara had run down my face with my tears. I turned on Edwards shower and climbed under the steaming water, I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to control the fear that shook my body.

I didn't want to ever leave this room and face Carlisle or Edward. As shell shocked as I was at being caught, I could feel the hurt at Edward's treatment of me beginning to gnaw at my insides. I wondered why he had walked out without saying anything and if he realised how degraded by that I felt.

I washed myself with a generous amount of his body wash before stepping from the shower and reaching for one of his huge fluffy towels. I dressed quickly, tying my hair back in a lose knot at the base of my neck, and wiping the remaining make up from my face. My body shook uncontrollably as I stepped out of the bathroom.

I gasped silently when I looked up and was confronted by Carlisle sitting in Edward's chair, Edward stood with his back to me staring out his office window. I dropped my gaze from Carlisle and looked at my feet as I approached the desk. Nobody spoke and the uncomfortable silence spiralled horribly.

Finally Carlisle spoke and I looked up into his stern face, "Edward what do you have to say for yourself?"

Edward kept his back to me and he continued to stare out the window, "I'm really sorry Dad it was just a stupid mistake," I gasped silently, I felt like I'd just been sucker punched, I dropped my gaze back to my feet as heat flooded my face.

I kept my eyes on the floor; I was fighting back my shame and tears at the same time as I tried to get air into my flattened lungs.

When Carlisle spoke again his voice was tinged with anger, "Isabella; as you know Cullen Industries most cardinal rule for employees is not to have office relationships. Especially relationships between an employee and their boss, I therefore have no alternative than to terminate your employment here, effective immediately."

I looked at the ground, "of course Mr Cullen, I'll pack my stuff immediately and leave all my security passes on my desk."

"Thank you Isabella," Carlisle stood up and made his way to the door, "come Edward." Edward turned from the window, his eyes briefly met mine and he gave me an almost pleading look as he followed his father from the room.

I waited until I saw them enter the lift before I made my way out of Edward's office and into my own. I grabbed a box and loaded up all my personal possessions, I took my security clearances from desk draw and took them into Edward's office. I dropped them on the desk and was about to leave when I turned back and took a sheet of Edwards monogrammed stationary from the draw.

I stood with pen poised on paper and took a deep breath.

_Thanks for the support Fucktard, never took you for a coward._

I grabbed my box of belongings and headed for the stairwell, I knew I would have to be even more unlucky than I'd been today to actually meet anybody on the stairs, since no one ever used them unless there was a fire drill.

I walked out onto Lampton Key and headed for the train station. All I wanted to do was get home to my apartment and drown my sorrows with a couple of bottles of Hawkes Bay Merlot.

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**Chapter 1: Mistake...**

**EDWARDS POV...**

I woke at five thirty like I did every day and pulled on some sweatpants and a hoodie. I threw my Nikes on, on the way out the door and began my morning jog. The air wasn't cold but it was brisk and it chilled my skin. I could see my breath puff out in front of my face as I ran, changing from smoky white to an iridescent gold as I passed under the street lamps.

I had been running every morning for a while now to release the pent up frustration I felt, and so far, it had proved to be an effective outlet.

I was unhappy with my life. Well, that was an unfair description, but was true nonetheless. I had a great job, a loving family, I was wealthy in my own right, I was doing well by anyone's standards. But something was missing, there was a gaping hole inside me that my success couldn't fill and it ate away at me, a little more every day. I wanted a family, one to call my very own. I wanted a wife and children and the picket fence and everything that went along with it. Hell, I'd even get a dog if I had to.

It had been my desire as I long as I could remember and all achievements in my life had been in preparation for this dream. I had the big house in Thorndon, much too big for a bachelor but not for the family I intended to fill it. I had an apartment in Queenstown, a townhouse in Auckland and my crowning jewel in my real estate portfolio, my house on Waiheke Island.

No one knew I had purchased it; in fact, it was the first property I purchased. I was in Auckland on business and spoke at a seminar held on Waiheke. I passed the property on the way there, and noticed the for sale sign. I called the realtor immediately and offered an extra twenty thousand for a quick settlement, she agreed and the rest as they say is history. I take nobody there when I go; it's like my own place away from the world. It's where I plan to spend my honeymoon and it will be a wedding gift to my wife.

I was nearing home; I had been running for forty-five minutes. I pushed harder, feeling the muscles in my legs go taut as I sped up. I reached my front door, hot and sweaty from pushing myself so hard. It was better than the alternative though, sitting around over thinking everything and eventually turning to my old friend Jack Daniels to help dull the feelings gnawing at me.

I showered and dressed and was out the door with my keys in my hand. I arrived at work at seven-thirty and was not surprised to see Isabella's desk unoccupied, she was efficient and met my standards of a good P.A., but she still wasn't exactly the corporate type. She would never be early, she had a carefree air of freedom about her, and I envied her for it, it was a freedom I wanted so badly for myself.

I went into my office and locked the door behind me, moving to my desk and sinking into the chair. I opened the cabinet behind me and pulled out my Jack Daniels and a glass, pouring a healthy dose and throwing it back quickly. I grimaced as the alcohol burned its way down the back of my throat before settling in my stomach and filling me with pleasant warmth.

I looked down at my desk hoping to see the reports that Isabella had been working on, neatly bound and collated on my desk.

No. No reports. I was unsurprised.

Today was going to be a long day. She seemed to be having a bad week especially with the office network. I had watched her make the most basics of mistakes, ones she would not normally make, and I had desperately wanted to help her, but I didn't. I couldn't, I was her boss and she was my employee. Ergo: no touchy-feely and if I allowed myself to get close to her that's exactly where things would go.

I poured myself another drink, thoughts like that weren't going to help my day get any better.

Isabella arrived late and it irritated me to no end. It was ridiculous, but I knew everyone was going to break for vacation shortly and I wouldn't see her for at least a few weeks and that annoyed me. What would she do, who would she see? Did she have a boyfriend somewhere? I had never heard her mention one and Emmett never said anything so I didn't think so, but still, I didn't know for sure. I groaned and slammed my head down onto my desk. I knew I needed to get my shit together and fast; people would start to notice soon.

I pretty much hid in my office all day, drowning my sorrows. It was lucky for me that I could handle my liquor extremely well, and that eclipse mints are like little, minty-fresh A-bombs for your breath. By four the office was full of cheers and loud voices. Everybody had gone into Christmas party mode, I supposed.

I opened my office door and was surprised to see Isabella still sitting at her desk, looking at me with a strange expression on her face. She sighed and it was just so fucking sexy, I had to hold myself back. The alcohol was fucking with my brain. I had to keep this professional for both of our sakes.

"Oh Isabella you're still here? I thought you'd have joined the others at the party by now." There, I sounded neither horny nor drunk. Perfect.

"Yes, unfortunately Mr Cullen my computer crashed during the week, so I'm a little behind on my work." she answered sending the computer a death glare. I was surprised she wasn't finished yet and I was a bit annoyed, she was normally better than this.

"Oh, well be sure to finish it and leave it on my desk before join the rest of the staff." I said, basically instructing her to keep her ass in that chair until they were finished. Jesus, she had had all fucking week.

"Of course Mr Cullen," She practically hissed at me. I flinched internally at the venom in her voice, but my pants grew a little snug at the sight. She was so fucking hot even when she was angry.

I retreated to my office with my dirty thoughts, and continued to drown my sorrows until I was interrupted by the sound of Bella attacking the office equipment. I was surprised it had taken her this long to break; she had been at war with the computer system all week.

I wiped the smile off my face and arranged my features into what I hoped was 'professional and business like' and not 'Pissed out of His Tree and Pervy', before I opened the door. I saw Bella's Sisters Rose and Alice giggling at Bella, both clearly as drunk as I felt, but they stopped their laughter once they spotted me.

"Stupid fucking fucktard printer" She yelled while she hit at the printer. Jesus, why didn't she just call fucking IT maintenance?

"Excuse me Ms Swan; but would you like to tell me why you're destroying company property?" I asked, annoyed that she was constantly interrupting me, taunting me with her fucking presence.

She gave me some excuse that I only half listened to, before I told her to call the IT people. I went back into my office, angry at myself, angry at Bella, my father, the world, god I was even fucking angry it was Christmas that's how much of a miserable prick I was. I looked at my now empty bottle of Jack and tossed it in the rubbish can. I searched around in my cabinet until I found the other bottle hidden in the back.

I opened it and poured myself a glass, Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

Jasper walked into my office without knocking and I looked up in annoyance. Today had been nothing but a series of annoyances and I was ready to cut loose and get really fucked up.

"Merry Christmas Edward, have you been a good boy this year?" he asked in a sing-song voice.

"I'm not in the fucking mood Jasper, what do you want?" I growled

"I was just coming to spread some Christmas cheer, brother dear! Hey, that rhymes!"

I narrowed my eyes at him dangerously; I was in no mood for his drunken shit. He must have noticed the look on my face, because he quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a little bag with white powder in it.

"Feel like having a white Christmas Down Under?" He asked with a grin

"Down Under is Australia fuckwit, and that sounds fucking freaky and gay, you sicko." I said as I reached into my drawer and pulled out a little wooden box, intricately carved with gold plating. I motioned for Jasper to sit and opened the box, pulling out a mirror, razor blade and a rolled hundred dollar bill.

Jasper tossed me the bag and I tapped some onto the mirror cutting two lines each. Jasper held out his hand for the bill, but I took it and inhaled a line first.

"You fucking greedy bastard! I know who'll be getting a lump of coal in his stocking this year." he grumbled. I rolled my eyes, and tossed him the money. He took his hit, blinking rapidly as he sat back up.

I turned around and grabbed a glass off the shelf and poured him a Jack. He took it gratefully and looked at me in contemplation. Oh no, this was about to be one of his heart to heart, soul to soul trips he got on while high.

"You need to ease up on Bella, you don't treat her fairly."

Bella, that was unexpected. Well, he was obviously high it shouldn't be too hard to distract him.

"Have you seen the stupid shit Emmett's got on his head? I swear he was deprived oxygen as a baby." I tried. The last thing I wanted to do was have a conversation with him about Bella.

"Ok, bro. I get it, you aren't ready to talk about it yet, and that's cool. Just remember that I'm here when you are." He stood up and downed the rest of his drink, putting the glass back on my desk.

"Go to the party Edward. Let Bella go to the party, hell go to the party together." he looked at my slyly. "I know you want to."

"Fuck off Jasper, Bella can leave when she finishes those reports and I can't leave until she does, so if you want to help, go tell Emmett to stop distracting my P.A. and piss off!"

"You know that Killer's song 'Don't Shoot Me Santa'? That's going to be you this year, you miserable shit."

I picked up a stapler and made to throw it at him and he ducked out the door.

I wasn't trying to purposely ruin Bella's Christmas, but this melancholy in me was too great to be contained and it spilled out tainting those around me. If I was a better man, I'd be able to suck this up and deal with it, but instead I acted like a sulky child. I needed to clear my head, and music always seemed to have the power to calm me, so I pulled my IPod out of my desk and put the ear buds in.

The coke was creating a buzz in my head and I felt a tremor race through my body. I smiled and closed my eyes, just enjoying the sensations, the energy building in my stomach and exploding outward. I could feel my fingertips like they were exposed live wires. I opened my eyes and took a drink while scrolling through my play lists till I found my Violent Femmes selection. I pressed play and let the music filter through me.

_Day after day, I will walk and I will play _

_But the day after today, I will stop and I will start. _

That's exactly how I felt, like I was just a damn puppet in someone else's world, not free to make my own choices, Carlisle had already made all those for me. When was I going to get to 'play'? Rules, Carlisle's rules, all I seemed to fucking do was follow the rules.

Well, I wanted to break some rules.

The coke was clashing against my better judgement, my head swimming with thoughts of the one thing I wanted, but could never have.

Bella! Watching from afar, staying professional, never giving in to the desires threatening to rip me apart, keeping to the rules.

_Why can't I get just one kiss? _

_Why can't I get just one kiss? _

_Believe me there'd be something's that I wouldn't miss, _

_But I look at your pants and I need, I need a kiss _

God, Gordon, I feel you man. I thought sadly. Watching Bella, day after painfully erect day, had been an addictive kind of torture. How many times had I imagined pulling her into my arms, tilting her head back, exposing her silky soft throat and caressing the skin with my tongue? Tasting her and that sweet intoxicating cinnamon scent that seemed to follow her everywhere, sometimes it felt like I couldn't breathe properly until I inhaled that fragrance.

Her lips, oh sweet Mary mother and Joseph, those soft pink pillows, just begging me, taunting me every day to take them, taste them, bite them. My cock was stirring, it's interest piqued at anything relating to Bella and her fuck-me-till-I-can't-walk anymore-Edward body.

_Why can't I get just one screw _

_Why can't I get just one screw _

_Believe me I know what to do _

_But something won't let me make love to you _

Oh, I knew exactly why I couldn't get just one screw. The cock-blocker extraordinaire went by the name of Carlisle Cullen, my father. Intra-office affairs were a strict no, no, and regardless Edward Cullen, Carlisle's protégé couldn't be seen with a mere P.A.

No, as much as I wanted Bella (and the near constant erection I had been sporting since her transfer as my P.A. was a testament to how much I wanted her), I couldn't have her. I would continue on as always, keeping her at arm's length and being nothing but professional towards her.

_Why can't I get just one fuck? _

_Why can't I get just one fuck? _

_I guess it's got something to do with luck _

_But I waited my whole life for just one _

Just one, just one fuck with Bella, yeah, I could die a happy man then. I've watched the way she moves (when she's not falling flat on her ass, that is, and she falls a lot) and she exudes sensuality, captivating me with the simplest brush of her hair.

I allowed myself to fantasize about telling Carlisle to fuck off, striding from his office and grabbing Bella, throwing her on her desk. I would rip her shirt open, exposing those firm supple breasts that had tempted me since I first beheld her. I would tear her skirt from her body and shred her panties, exposing her beautiful, shining sex. I wouldn't care who was there, or if anyone caught us, I would simply have to taste her.

I would run my tongue up her glimmering slit and lap up all that was Bella, not missing a single drop. She'd moan my name, and that would be it. I would release my throbbing cock from my pants and thrust into her savagely. There would be no tenderness, there couldn't be, I'd wanted Bella far too long and my need was absolute.

She would be mine in the most primal way, I would pound into her mercilessly and she would beg for more. I would feel her tight walls begin to tremble and clench around me, and I would drive into her harder and faster, relentlessly pushing her over the edge, my name would spill from her lips like a prayer and I would follow her into oblivion my animalistic growls claiming her, marking her as mine……

_La, la, la, la la, la _

_La, la, la, la la, la _

I pulled the ear buds out. What the hell, was that Britney Spears? Wait, a more pressing question why do I know that?

I made my way to the window of my office. Three quarters of it was covered with that frosted shit, but I was tall enough to see over the top and remain hidden if anyone should look this way, standing behind the ficus so there would be no shadow.

What I saw made me stop dead in my tracks.

Bella was dancing around the office and singing along to the intolerable Princess of Pop's latest contribution to the music industry If U Seek Amy.

I really shouldn't have know that.

The sight was fucking erotic; it was like my own personal strip show. You know, the ones where the strippers are behind the glass in those little red stain lined rooms? Yeah, just like fucking that.

She shivered as she moved to the music, and fuck me if it didn't look exactly like I imagined she would when she came with my cock buried deep inside her. Speaking of my cock, it was now so painfully hard, I think I could use the thing to cut fucking diamonds with.

Britney just went up on my musical appreciation list. Anything that inspired the X-rated peepshow before me was truly musical fucking genius. God bless you Britney Spears.

Suddenly Bella stopped and looked towards the window and I shrank back further into the shadows. She couldn't see me anyway, but I wasn't prepared to take the chance. She looked around almost as she could feel my eyes upon her, and I worried that she would stop.

Carry on Bella, a pay rise, a car, a holiday to Rarotonga, fuck, a jet! It's all yours if you will just fucking keep going!

I now believe in Christmas miracles.

She shook her head and carried on dancing, her hips swaying seductively to the music. Her hands ran up the sides of her body and ghosted around the curves of her luscious breasts. I would have literally killed to be her hands at that moment.

My hand, meanwhile, had mysteriously found its way down the front of my pants, and I was stroking myself as I watched Bella shake and sway. She was just so fucking sexy.

I felt a little sickened with myself, standing in the shadows jacking off while I watched her. This was the kind of shit pervs did wasn't it?

Fuck it. I'm a perv then. I thought wryly.

She stopped again and looked around. FUCK! My hand froze on my throbbing cock, and I imagined the humiliation at being caught like this. I must have been a good boy this year though because Santa was coming early.

Two miracles in one night, I was on a roll.

She laughed; a beautiful yet sultry sound and continued on dancing much to my immense relief. Her hands ran up her legs and caught on her skirt, hitching it to around her waist. I could see her stockings and up further, oh fuck me; she was wearing a garter belt. I forced my eyes to move further up and caught sight of her sexy pink and black panties. The whole sight, stockings garters and panties caused my mind to implode.

I was lost.

I didn't care what Carlisle would think, I didn't care that it was against some stupid fucking company policy or that I was Edward Cullen, I wanted Bella, and I was going to have her. The alcohol and coke cocktail in my system was all the courage I needed to break free. Make my own fucking rules for a change.

I strode from my office and came up behind her, wrapping my arm around her waist. With my free hand I pulled the earpiece from her deliciously edible lobe. I felt her stiffen in surprise and I leaned down to whisper in her ear

"Isabella, my office... Now," I commanded her.

My body felt like it was charged with static electricity and every point where our naked skin met tingled uncontrollably.

I could see her breasts heaving and I almost moaned from the pure joy of the moment. How many times had I fantasized about her breasts? Now here was the chance for every one of them to become a reality.

I slid my hands reverently over her sensuous curves, my hands almost trembling. I pulled her in closer to me, pushing my hips forward just a bit so she could feel how hard for her I was. I wanted her to know what she did to me, what she had done to me from the first moment I saw her, punish her for making me want her so bad. Every lurid thought I ever had of Bella was rushing to the surface and I was nearly mad with desire. No, I could not, would not, be gentle, she would feel every ounce of my repressed desire and she would beg me for more.

I walked us towards my office and began nibbling at the tender skin between her throat and earlobe. I was engulfed by that cinnamon smell that enticed me endlessly and I couldn't help the groan that erupted from my chest. I was no longer a man, simply a throbbing mass of heat and want.

Bella opened the office door and I pushed us through, kicking it shut behind me, not wanting to lose contact with this incredible woman.

"God I love the way you smell, so exotic, spicy like cinnamon." I mumbled into her neck. She turned in my arms and the look in her deep brown eyes made me even harder. I hadn't thought it possible, I would literally explode soon.

She crashed her lips against mine, her mouth devouring me and claiming me, and I definitely liked the idea of her being so possessive towards me.

I slid my hands under her skirt and up her thighs and she moaned into my mouth. She wanted this just as much as I did and that only spurred me on more. I moved my hands up further and began playing with the edge of her frilly panties, teasing her. A small price for all the times she's teased me, I reasoned. I moved my mouth to her ear simultaneously as I slipped a finger into her wet, warm pussy. No fantasy could compare to the pure ecstasy that was Bella.

"God Isabella; you feel like heaven, so soft so warm," I sighed, growling the last bit at her. I plunged my fingers into her tight, wet core. I was sure I was going to cum on the spot like some thirteen year old kid. I gritted my teeth

"Fuck… so wet…I wanna fuck you Bella, need to feel myself inside you."

And I did. With every fibre of my being, I needed to be inside this fucking woman. I pulled her panties and skirt off throwing them carelessly to the floor behind me. She undid my shirt and ran her trembling hands along my stomach, it felt glorious, but she was still wearing too many clothes and that was practically a crime.

I swiftly undid her shirt and pushed it down her shoulders. I unclasped her bra and watched it fall from her body, before staring at the Promised Land that were those magnificent breasts. My hands moved of their own accord and I began to palm them single mindedly.

Apparently a horny Bella was a coordinated Bella, because she had my pants undone and my cock in her hand faster than I'd ever seen her move before. She slid her tiny hands along my length and I had to hold off another impending orgasm. It was nearly all in vain though, when Bella wiped my pre-cum with her thumb, raising it to her mouth and sucking it off.

I couldn't wait, I had to have her, I had to claim her. "Fuck Bella; can't wait any longer." I carried her to my desk luxuriating in the feel of her naked body against mine. It certainly was a merry fucking Christmas this year.

I sat her on the edge, and she lay back spreading herself open before me like the sacrificial offering that she was. The monster inside me hungered for her and her alone.

"So beautiful Bella; spread out like a feast before me."

I grabbed her ankles and spread her legs wider; I barely paused as I thrust into her, sheathing myself fully in her warmth. We both groaned in unison at the sensation.

She was perfect, everything I had ever wanted in a woman and I wished that things were different, that we weren't the doomed lovers that in reality, we were. I could never be with her and she could never be with me, too many things stood in our way. But if tonight was all I was given I would take it and bear the aching want for the rest of my life. I would rather have only a taste of paradise than never have known it at all.

She brought her eyes up to meet mine and they were filled with nothing but unadulterated lust. She began to roll her nipples in between her fingers and all my morose thoughts were banished. I growled and doubled the intensity of my movements.

She began trembling and my name shook as it fell from those alluring lips. I could feel her walls tighten around me as her orgasm overtook her, but I couldn't stop, I kept pounding into her, never slowing my momentum only speeding it up. I was relentless as I hammered her tight pussy.

I could tell she was close again, and I would have her cum again for me, I would have her say my name over and over.

She grabbed the edge of the desk as her second orgasm hit, her back arching and offering those breasts to me again. I could feel my own impending release about to overtake me as my legs began to shake.

"Bella, so beautiful when you come for me, calling my name, it sounds like heaven, I'm gonna cum for you Bella…in your beautiful tight pussy."

It hit me like a tidal wave, sucking my very consciousness out before thundering it all back down, crashing over me destroying everything in its wake. It was everything. It was a year's worth of relief and I was entirely consumed by it. My eyes closed and I clenched my teeth while I spilled into her, my body trembling uncontrollably.

It felt like an eternity before it finally subsided and I could think clearly again. I looked into the eyes of the goddess before me and smiled at her, completely fucking happy with life in general at that moment. I leaned down to kiss her, because I am a greedy fuck, and even though I just ploughed her silly, I still wanted her. I could stay like this forever, naked with Bella in my arms.

There was a knock at the door and my little bubble suddenly burst around me as I realised enormity of what we had just fucking done crashed down upon me. Our eyes met and Bella looked just as scared as I felt. It seemed all my Christmas miracles were used up, because Carlisle Cullen, CEO of Cullen Industries and my father walked through the door with Emmett and Jasper beside him.

Fantastic, I'm fucking starker's between my P.A.'s legs while my father and brothers stare at us. I was stone cold sober in a heartbeat.

Emmett and Jasper were both wearing identical surprised expressions, while my father looked nothing but completely furious.

"Edward, Isabella what is the meaning of this? I want you to both get dressed this instant." My father stormed out the door with Emmett and Jasper, slamming it behind him.

Reality had crashed down on both of us and now it was time to face the music. I drew out of Bella and put my clothes on, avoiding her eyes at all costs. Yeah, we'd both face the music, but ultimately, I would still have a job at the end of it and Bella wouldn't. How could I have been so selfish? I knew that nothing could happen between us. That was the sole reason why I always kept a professional distance from her; I didn't need to be wanting her; more.

Jack Daniels and Jasper's coke apparently disagreed with my proposed course of action, because they motivated me to do some fuck stupid things.

I moved quickly to the door without saying a word or sparing a glance at her. The guilt I felt was tearing at my stomach and I was too ashamed to look her in the eye. I hoped that somehow, I could convince Carlisle to just transfer Bella to another department, it was a long shot but I owed it to her to try and save her job at least.

I walked out the door and closed it quietly behind me. Jasper and Emmett were long gone and only Carlisle stood there glowering at me.

"What was that Edward? What were you thinking son?" I had no answer for him. Well, none that I wanted to give anyway.

"You realise that your actions have cost Miss Swan her job, don't you?" I looked at him, begging him with my eyes as well as my words

"Dad, please just transfer Bella back to Emmett." He cut me off with a laugh.

"How does that make it any better Edward? You'd still see her every time you went to your brother's office! Why are you fighting this Edward, you knew what the consequences would be when you started this affair."

"It's not an affair Dad; it was a lapse in judgement." The words cut through me even as I said them

"Transfer her to another department then, we were both at fault and should be dealt the same reprimand." I crossed my fingers that he would agree.

"Reprimand, it's gone beyond that son. Miss Swan's time at Cullen Industries has come to an end. I will write her a letter of recommendation on one condition." He looked at me calculatingly. This was the best offer I was going to get and I knew it. I took a deep breath

"Agreed," I said defeated.

His eyebrows rose, "Do you not want to hear the terms first?"

"No, whatever it is I'll agree to it." I stared at my hands as I spoke. I felt worthless, a failure. It was entirely my fault we were in this situation, I had instigated it, I hadn't locked the door and I couldn't even retain her job for her. I was the perpetrator in all this, yet innocent Bella would pay the penalty.

"I'm transferring you to France, and you will forgo all contact with Isabella Swan. In return, I will write Bella a personal letter of recommendation that will assure her securing any position she applies for in the future."

I said nothing, there was nothing to say. I didn't want to leave New Zealand, I loved it here it was my home. It's where I wanted to raise my family, I didn't want to leave. I would do so though for Bella. I knew Carlisle was right, that letter would walk Bella into practically any job she wanted. It was all I had left to give her now.

We moved back into my office and I heard the shower shut off in the bathroom. I stood by the windows and looked out at the Wellington skyline. I savoured it, and committed it to memory I would miss it when I left.

I heard Bella come out of the bathroom but I didn't turn around, I couldn't face her, not when Carlisle was about to fire her.

"Edward what do you have to say for yourself?" Carlisle asked me his voice disappointed. I continued to look out the window as I answered

"I'm really sorry Dad it was just a stupid mistake," I felt like I'd been sucker punched as I said those blasphemous words. Making love (well more like fucking, but that's neither here nor there.) to Bella was not a mistake, the repercussions she would suffer because of it, that was my only mistake.

"Isabella; as you know Cullen Industries most cardinal rule for employees is not to have office relationships. Especially between an employee and their boss I therefore have no alternative than to terminate your employment here, effective immediately."

I wanted to turn around and grab her and run away from here together, we could go to Waiheke and just hide out there forever. But I couldn't, I didn't know what this meant to Bella and I was sure she would be furious at me for costing her, her job. I couldn't blame her.

"Of course Mr Cullen, I'll pack my stuff immediately and leave all my security passes on my desk." She answered in a shaky voice and it cut across my already raw nerves like razor blades, if you could die of agony, I would have died right on the spot.

I heard Carlisle thank her and get up

"Come Edward." he ordered me. I turned away from the window and my eyes met Bella's of their own volition. I begged her to forgive me, to see how sorry I was and that I in no way regarded her as a mistake. I begged her to see how much I cared about her…..

Then the moment passed and our connection broke, I followed my father out of the room away from Bella, away from my life, away from the family that not yet was and from the family I did have.

Merry fucking Christmas Edward: Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

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**A/N: Plese feel free to review this chapter, all feedback is appreciated...Next chapter update will be the 5th jan then chapters will be updated weekly on either a Monday or Tuesday.....**


	2. What Have I Done?

**A/N: Greenaway and I would first off like to wish all of you a happy, safe and prosperous 2010. We would also like to thank those of you who added us to your favourites and a really special thank you to those of you who took the time to review all constructive feedback is welcomed and very much appreciated by both of us.**

**Due to this story being set in New Zealand and to make it more fun and interactive we have set up a blog site where we will post photos of locations and our playlists for each chapter. We have photos (our interpretation of how we envisioned the character as we wrote them.) and small character bios. we will add more of them as we introduce each character. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions we will try to answer them as quickly as possible...Links to the blog will be up on our profile pages later on tonight...**

**Greenaway: Cin and I are still debating the benefits of Twitter and so far she is siding with Rob. Now if there are any of you Non-technophobes out there, pm either of us or let us know in a review if you would like us to set up a twitter account. I'm the resident Geek in our little duo, so if I think enough of you are interested, I will bribe Cin with some Rob Porn and we will be tweeting before you know it...**

**To everyone who takes the time to review, thank you so much we appreciate each and every one. There was an enormous effort put into this story and you will notice a lot of Kiwi references. As we set the story in New Zealand we wanted to make it as authentic as possible. If any of you have a question or something about New Zealand, we would be happy to answer it. Oh and finally, CHECK OUT THE BLOG. Cheers!**

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**Bellas POV...**

My hand shook violently as I tried to force the key into the lock, Edward's cold voice was ringing in my ears, _'it was just a stupid mistake_...' I shuddered violently, I was desperate to get into the safety of my apartment so I could curl up into the foetal position; that was after I'd drunk myself into oblivion of course.

I pushed the door open and kicked my box of personal possessions over the threshold and left them where they landed as I stumbled through the darkness toward the kitchen and my awaiting oblivion. I kicked off my shoes as I turned on the light, my eyes immediately rested on the half drunk bottle of wine on the kitchen counter.

I headed straight for it with a sigh and grabbed the full bottle next to it as well for good measure. I tried not to think about anything as I walked to my room but I couldn't stop the relentless images that invaded my mind. Tears pricked at my eyes as a wave of shame and humiliation rolled over me. I crawled into bed and switched on my reading lamp.

I thought back over my conversation I'd had with Carlisle, or more what Carlisle had said to me, I didn't exactly say a lot so I didn't think it constituted a conversation. I couldn't believe he'd fired me just like that. Admittedly I had broke his stupid cardinal rule, but I thought that after my years of loyal service and previously unblemished record he'd have let me off with a stern reprimand and a written warning.

Fuck it wasn't fair; I didn't even instigate it or come on to, or lead Edward on in anyway. It was him doing all the coming on to me. And yet here I was sitting unemployed and alone in my bed with nothing but my shame and misery to keep me company.

That thought had me chugging the wine straight from the bottle.

As furious I was at Edward, who was totally at fault for the whole damn mess, I was more furious at myself for not listening to my inner voice when the alarm bells began ringing in my head, after all its what it was designed for. I felt stupid and pathetic and used.

I couldn't bear to be inside my head anymore and took another long draught from the bottle hoping the deep burgundy liquid would give me some respite from this hell. But apparently the ghost of Christmas present had other ideas and continued to haunt me by adding the image of Edward turning his back on me and walking out of the office to the relentless commentary that rung in my ears.

My stomach dropped and I couldn't prevent the low strangled sob that tore from my throat as another wave of shame and embarrassment washed over me as the image of Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper standing in the door way popped into my consciousness.

I cursed the lingering effects of the cocaine for preventing the alcohol from doing its job, "FUUCKK THIS," I yelled in frustration as I leapt out of bed and headed for the kitchen.

I grabbed a chair and slid it up against the counter. I reached for the bottle of Southern Comfort I kept in the top cupboard with a grimace, if this didn't send me into the oblivion I craved then nothing would. Unscrewing the lid I took a mouthful of the sweet alcohol and groaned in satisfaction as it slid down the back of my throat.

I hurried back to my room, taking a few more hearty swigs from the bottle on the way I turned on my sound system and climbed back into bed. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard the classic kiwi drinking anthem playing on the radio. I turned the sound up and sung the familiar lyrics to the Dudes most famous song.

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"_Drink yourself more bliss_

_Forget about the last one, get yourself another_

I took another swig from the bottle and closed my eyes as I continued to sing to my favourite Kiwi drinking song.

_Drink yourself more bliss_

_Forget about the last one get yourself another_

_Drink yourself more bliss_

_Have a stiff all night everything is alright_

_Try and reach the bar_

_Coppers took the car off us from the sidewalk_

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My eyes snapped open when the ghost of Christmas present tried another assault.

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_Yaaaaaah_

_Think I'm at full speed_

_Get it at the coochie, hello sailor cruisy_

_Buy some Spanish shoes_

_Think I need a falafel get it at the cross_

_Drink yourself more bliss_

_Forget about the last one and get yourself another._

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It wasn't until I was a quarter way through the bottle that I finally felt the effects of the alcohol, I took another large swig and laid my head back on my pillow as confused thoughts swirled uncomfortably in my head.

I took another mouthful relishing the way the alcohol was starting to distort and calm the craziness in my mind: oblivion couldn't come faster enough for me. I took another draught and was grateful when my head began to spin and my eyelids drooped shut.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I ignored the incessant ringing of my cell phone and pulled the blankets over my head, my throat was dry and sore and my head was pounding hideously. I curled up into the foetal position and groaned as partial images of yesterday flashed through my mind.

I slung my hand over the side of the bed and groped around until my fingers curled around the neck of the bottle; I wanted my sweet oblivion back. My stomach lurched when the alcohol hit it and I fought back the rising bile in my throat. I took another swig and reached over for my now silent phone.

I checked the caller I.D. and noted I'd missed two dozen calls I scrolled down the list and noted that I'd missed four calls each from Emmett and Jasper the rest were from Alice and Rose.

I guessed from the amount of calls I'd gotten from my sisters that they knew what had happened last night. I turned the phone off and buried my head under my pillow. I ignored the person I could hear knocking on my front door and after a couple of minutes they stopped. I knew it wasn't Rosalie or Alice as they had their own keys.

I took another long draught from the southern comfort and was grateful that it was finally making me feel comfortably numb.

I knew at some point I would have to face up to what happened with Edward and take stock of my life. I would need to look for a new job, with any luck the least Carlisle would do is write me a letter of recommendation, but for now all I wanted to do was blot out the humiliating memories of last night.

I finished the rest of the southern comfort and groaned in relief when I felt my concentration lapse and my brain begin to fog back into an alcohol induced haze. My eyelids drooped shut.

The haze didn't last long, or so it seemed to me, and I yelled out in frustration when my mind began to take another stroll down memory lane.

I couldn't stop the involuntary shiver of pleasure that washed over me as I remembered the feeling of strong arms encircling my waist and cupping my breasts, of warm breath against my ear, of the smooth velvety voice that sounded like pure sex, of Edward's beautiful body and the feeling of completeness when he was buried deep inside me.

I gasped as the image of our first kiss swam before my lids, I was sure I could feel a sense of that bizarre current that flowed between us when our lips met, even in my alcohol induced numbness.

Image after image flashed in my mind, our naked bodies that seemed to fit together so seamlessly, Edward's magnificent cock pounding into me.

I groaned and my eyes snapped open, I sat up and tried to get out of bed, my head spun and my vision went black as my feet hit the floor.

I woke up on the floor with my cheek pressed into the carpet. I was confused as to why I only had vision in one eye, I tried to blink but only one eye was opening and closing. I could see a dark stain on the carpet in front of me and lifted my head to examine it, I gasped when I realised it was blood.

I sat up and tried to get my bearings before I staggered to my feet and made a dash for the bathroom. I only just made it to the sink when I was violently ill, I lifted my head from the basin and caught sight of myself in the mirror, "Holy fuck."

My eyelid was swollen shut and deep purple bruising that seem to darken as I stood there, covered my entire eye and across the bridge of my nose, a bloody gash sat above my eyebrow. My lip was cut and swollen and my face was caked in dried blood.

The horrendous injuries to my face coupled with my dishevelled hair made me look like I had been the victim of an assault. I took a couple of aspirin from the vanity and gulped them down; I brushed my teeth then went in search of food.

Instead of heading for the kitchen I staggered toward the lounge I noticed a courier envelope sitting on the floor by the front door but I left it where it lay and carried on. I flopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote flicking on the television and quickly turned it to MTV. The bright images that flashed on screen had my one good eye watering and I closed it quickly.

It was dark again when I woke and my body was absolutely aching, my lip, eye and head throbbed in unison and my ribs felt like they were broken, my core ached like I'd been fucked six ways from Sunday, which I had, I thought with a groan.

I realised I was covered in a blanket and I could hear voices coming from the kitchen.

"Hello?" I called out. I noticed how raspy my voice sounded, like I'd just smoked a pack of cigarettes.

The voices quietened and a moment later Alice and Rose appeared in the lounge, both of them looking at me with horrified expressions on their faces.

"Bella are you alright, what the hell happened to you, how did you sustain those injuries?" I noticed that Alice's voice had an almost hysterical note to it.

"I'm alright; I just had a rough night, there's nothing to worry about, I'm all good." I tried to play it down but I could tell neither Alice nor Rose were having a bar of it.

"What the fuck Bella? You are not all good; you look like you came off worse in a pub brawl. And since when do you go to bed with two bottles of wine and a bottle of southern comfort?"

"Since my week from hell ended in me being cast before the devil himself. And according to him; hells too good for someone like me."

"Bella you're making no sense. How did you get hurt?" Alice was getting impatient with me now and I couldn't help but sigh when she clicked her tongue.

"I blacked out when I tried to get out of bed earlier and hit the bedside table on the way down, that's how I got hurt."

"Bells; what happened at the Christmas party last night? Emmett text me and told me too find you as soon as possible. He didn't say why, he just said that you'd need me." Rose's voice was soft and full of curiosity.

I tried to keep my composure but I couldn't fight the wave of shame and humiliation that washed over me causing tears to fall from my good eye and a low sob to issue from my throat.

"Please Bells tell us what happened." Rose's voice cracked. I opened my eye and saw a tear sliding down her cheek.

"I got fired last night." My voice was barley a whisper but both Alice and Rose heard me clearly.

"What? Why? By whom, did the fucktard fire you?" Rose looked at me in outrage, Alice just looked stunned.

"No it wasn't Edward who fired me it was Carlisle." I repressed the shudder trying to force its way through my body as I thought about Carlisle's furious face.

"But why Bella, I don't understand, I can't think of anything you could have possibly done to warrant instant dismissal." I looked over at her, her brow was furrowed as if she was frustrated she couldn't solve a riddle or puzzle.

"Can't you Rose, Can you honestly not guess what I did?"

Rose stared at me for a moment then gasped, "Oh my god Bella you didn't? Please tell me you didn't."

"I did." I looked into her wide eyes and another wave of shame engulfed me.

"Did what Bella, what did you do?" I couldn't help but smile that Alice hadn't figured it out yet. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her face a mask of agitation that she was missing the obvious.

"She fucked Edward and I'm guessing by the fact that you're unemployed that Daddy Carlisle caught you at it?"

It was Alice's turn to gasp, "Bella you didn't? You dirty little slut. Spill it right now. I want details, gory details. First of all how was it? I mean I know he's gorgeous but I've always wondered what he'd be like in bed. I bet he knows his way around the female body. Is he well built, you know down there?"

"Oh for god's sake Alice, do you really want to know these things, I thought you had a thing for Jasper?"

"I do but Edward's fuckin hot." I couldn't stop my head from automatically nodding in agreement, even though I hated him with every inch of being right now. "Come on Bella stop stalling, how did this happen?"

"Well I'm not sure, after you and Rose left Jazz and Emmett turned up with drinks and Emmett and I went to my bathroom and had some our traditional Christmas cheer and he left and I was pretty out there and started dancing around my office and then Edward was behind me, and his hands were on me and it felt amazing and then we were kissing and next thing I know he's fucking me on his desk.

And yes Alice as much as I hate to admit it he's an amazing fuck, not that I care about that right now. Anyway the next minute there's a knock on the door and before either of us could do more than look at each other Carlisle was standing in the doorway flanked by Emmett and Jazz." Alice gasped and Rose snorted and shook her head.

"Then what happened?"

"Carlisle told us to get dressed and then he fired me." I covered my face in my hands so I didn't have to look at them.

"For fuck sake Bella; why didn't one of you lock the door?" Rose was shaking her head at me a little condescendingly.

"Honestly I never even thought about it."

"Amateurs," Rose said with a smirk.

"So what did Edward say?" Alice asked quietly.

I felt the tears sting my eyes as I thought about Edward's cruel words.

"Bella?" Alice groaned.

"He told his Dad it was just a stupid mistake then walked out of the room." My voice cracked and hot angry tears spilled from eyes.

"He said what? That cowardly little scumbag, you should sue his sorry ass for sexual harassment, that would kick him and daddy devil where it hurts. You wait until I catch up with the fucktard I'm going to kick his lily white ass." Rose was glowering; her hands were clenched into fists at her sides.

"Please Rose, don't say or do anything to him, after all he's right it was just a stupid mistake." The words shredded my heart a little bit more.

"Still; why should he get off scot free? Fuck I'd like to rip off his balls and shove them down his throat." I couldn't help but laugh at the menacing look on Rosalie's face; I stopped quickly because it made my ribs ache.

I lifted my top and Rose and Alice gasped in unison as they took in the purple/black bruising across the side of my ribcage.

"Bells; you need to see a Doctor." Alice's voice cracked as she leaned forward to examine my mottled skin.

"I don't need a Doctor Alice; I need food, alcohol and a hot shower.

"I don't know about the alcohol Bells but the food and a hot shower sound like a good idea. You go have a shower and I'll order food." Alice helped me off the couch while Rose headed for the phone.

"What do you feel like eating Bella?"

"Thai. Just get me whatever you're having."

I headed for the shower and waited until the room was steamy before I slid under the hot water. It felt wonderful on my on my bruised skin and tense muscles and I soon felt myself succumbing to its relaxing powers. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander back to the fateful events of last night.

It certainly didn't feel like a mistake when Edward's arms encircled my waist or when his lips touched mine, it felt right. I thought back to the look in his eye when he was pounding into me, he looked like he'd dreamed of doing this to me a thousand times. There was no restraint, hesitation or caution in Edward, just a sense of want, longing and need that had matched my own.

Nothing in the way we were together felt wrong, my body's reaction to his touch was testament to that, Edward had played my body like a master composer, he'd brought me to the two best orgasm's of my life and had every cell in my body humming in perfect harmony with that inexplicable electricity that coursed through me at his touch.

As much as I hated him right now for hurting and humiliating me, it was undeniable that we had incredible chemistry and I knew that no one would ever come close to making me feel like Edward did.

I shuddered at the thought.

I shut the water off and grabbed a towel, I was desperate to get back to Rose and Alice before that depressing thought took hold on in my fragile mind.

We watched chick flicks and ate takeout and ice cream sundaes, no matter how much I pleaded Alice refused to let me have anymore alcohol.

"Bella you've had enough Alcohol this weekend, now quit ya whining and watch the movie already."

I saw about ten minutes of it before my one good eye began to water and droop shut, the next thing I know Rose was shaking me awake, "Bella it's time for you to go to bed. Alice and I will stay here with you tonight…Come on Bella get up."

I blinked my good eye a few times and took Rose's outstretched hand she helped me into bed and kissed my forehead, "I'll see you in the morning bruiser."

"Thanks Rose." I lay back in the darkness and felt quite awake, I reached for my IPod and scrolled down stopping at a random song and place the buds in my ears. I closed my eyes and was immediately assaulted by image after image of Edward's magnificent naked body before me.

I could almost feel the sensation of his touch and my skin tingled with the memory of it. I let my mind wander over the last look we shared before he walked out of his office and out of my life. He didn't look angry his look was more liking pleading.

But pleading for what? Forgiveness, understanding, for that I had no answer. All I knew was there would never be anyone who was made to fit me better than Edward, even if he was unobtainable and I'd probably never see him again.

I sighed as my IPod shifted to the next song. I shook my head the song seemed to reflect how I was feeling at this moment. I sung along to the words as I let the music pull me in.

*

_The world was on fire and no one could save me but you_

_It's strange what desire will make some foolish people do_

_I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you_

_And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you_

_No I don't want to fall in love_

_No I don't want to fall in love_

_With you_

_What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way_

_What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you_

_What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way_

_What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you_

_I want to fall in love_

_No, I want to fall in love_

_With you_

_*  
_

I hugged my pillow in defeat the last thing I wanted was to be in love with Edward _fucking_ Cullen, but if I was honest with myself I knew I always had been. I also knew I had to let go and get on with my life for my own sanity.

I groaned as I drifted toward unconsciousness.

* * *

**Edwards POV... **

I pulled my Aston Martin into my garage and pressed the button, closing the large electronic door behind me. I was fucking happy to be finally home. Don't get too comfy, you won't be here much longer. I thought sighing and leaning my head against the steering wheel.

What had I done?

That was the million dollar fucking question wasn't it? I had single handily ruined

Bella's life right along with my own, in one fell swoop, Bella had lost her job and I was off to France come New Years Day.

And it was all my fault.

I banged my head against the steering wheel, the guilt I was feeling plus the comedown from the drugs and booze was fucking with me royally. I opened the car door and closed it behind me, making my way through the house and downstairs to the bar.

The house was huge and empty, mocking me with its silence of my failure to fill it with the family it had been designed for. I didn't know if that would ever happen now, I didn't want to raise a fucking family in France; I wanted to raise my family here, in Wellington, around my own family. I didn't even fucking like France for God sake! I knew I was acting petulant and childish, I had agreed to all of this, but still.

My home.

I found Jasper and Emmett downstairs in the games room, playing pool and obviously waiting for me. I didn't even acknowledge them or break stride till I was at the bar and had myself a drink. I threw it back quickly, barely feeling it slide down my throat.

I heard, rather than saw my brothers put down the pool cues and make their way over to the bar. I pulled out two more glasses and filled all three. I slid one to each of them and downed my own, finally looking up to see Jasper's face full of sympathy and

Emmett's full of angry mirth. He looked like he couldn't decide whether or not he should be decking me or laughing at me.

Unless he wanted to help me get drunk, I really couldn't have really cared what he wanted to do.

After a couple more drinks, I found myself feeling the effects of them and all at fucking once. I stumbled over to the couch and dropped down with a groan. Emmett and Jasper still hadn't spoken yet and the air was thick with tension. I sat there just wishing that they would go home and leave me alone.

I couldn't stop seeing Bella's eyes, the way they had looked at me as I left, so full of hurt and betrayal. She was fucking taking over all my senses; I could still feel the silky smoothness of her skin on my fingers, her scent still filled my lungs and I swear if I lived for eternity, I would never forget the way that woman felt wrapped around my cock. It was bordering on fucking divine.

The two goons were still standing there, fucking staring at me like I was a science experiment. It was pissing me off, and if I wasn't quite so trashed, I would probably throw them out. As it was, I just wished they'd say what they came to say and leave.

"What are you two doing here? I gave you those keys for emergencies." I covered my face with one arm and tried to block everything out of my mind. Too many fucking voices were screaming at me in there and I swear I was going to lose my fucking sanity soon.

Emmett spoke up first. That was a surprise normally Jasper would be right in there on all the touchy-feely moments with his little pearls of wisdom.

"Two things bro, First off, tell me you convinced Dad to let Bella keep her job, or a job, because if you just screwed her and left her to the wolves I will fuck you up kid."

He was quite serious, that much was clear. It was expected really, I knew Emmett and

Bella had grown quite close when she worked for him, and if it hadn't been for Emmett's sky tower-size crush on Bella's sister Rosalie, I might have been jealous.

Emmett looked at me, waiting for his answer.

"Did you even try, Edward? Or did you just fuck and chuck?" He stood over me now, his hands balled into fists. He was angry, but he was controlling it.

Time to tip the scales then, I thought quite suicidally. Emmett was quite angry and quite a lot larger than me. He could fuck me up, hell he might even knock my ass out and that sounded like a pretty sweet deal at the moment.

I would worry about the actual beating later, oblivion beckoned me.

I sat up and looked him in the eye: Both of him. Shit was starting to get pretty blurry, if I was being completely honest. I tried my best to make my voice sound sinister and overall sleazy, knowing it would be a sure fire way to provoke him.

"I fucked her alright Emmett. I fucked her body, then I fucked with her head, and finally

I've fucked over her life. No, she doesn't have a job anymore. Fucked and chucked thoroughly." I laughed, but there was no humour in it, only a sad kind of desperation. I prayed he wouldn't hear it and just fucking hit me.

Please, please, please, please. My mind begged.

Emmett didn't disappoint. He swung and his fist connected with my left eye. I slammed back into the couch from the force of his blow and my head snapped backwards. I blinked, feeling my eye already starting to swell and throb despite the alcohol. That would feel great in the morning and I was still fucking conscious!

So I was left just feeling worse.

Cheers Emmett.

"Emmett, stop it." Jasper came from behind and stopped Emmett before he delivered seconds. I was sort of disappointed, I had been banking on him getting it right the second time.

"What the hell happened, Edward?" Jasper asked pushing Emmett into a recliner before taking the other one himself. I grabbed at my hair with both hands and groaned. Why were they making me go over this again? They had all been fucking there after all.

"Because you put yourself in this position, so suck it up and take it like a man, and yes, we were fucking there' but we booked it after we saw your lily white ass bobbing up and down over Bella. We figured we would come and wait here for you. Moral support and what not," Jasper answered.

I realised I must have said that out loud. It appeared my drunkenness was worse than I had originally thought.

"Moral support?" I growled pointing to my swollen face. Emmett just snorted at me

"You were asking for that Edward and you know it." Yeah, I had been, but still, if this was his idea of moral support, it was pretty messed up.

"Edward, what happened?" Jasper repeated.

So I told them. I told them about Carlisle's offer to give Bella a letter of recommendation and severance pay of sorts. I told them how she had looked at me when I had walked away from her. My heart clenched painfully, as I pictured those hurt brown eyes boring into me.

"Wait, go back." Jasper stopped me. "What exactly did you agree to? Why would he do all that? What was his price for all that?"

"Bella gets her letter of recommendation and cheque and I relocate to France and head up the new offices over there. Oh, and I'm to have no contact whatsoever with Isabella."

The thought of never seeing Bella again actually cut me deeper than having to leave

New Zealand and I knew I felt more for her than a simple infatuation. I always had, I had just never wanted to see it.

I hoped she would be ok and that she could forgive me one day. I knew I didn't deserve it, but I hoped regardless.

"Oh fuck." Emmett breathed.

"He's sending you away? And you're going? Fuck Edward, for once in your life stand up to him! Tell him to piss off and shove it! You can't move to France your home is here."

Jasper was ranting and I was touched that he didn't seem to want me to leave, but I had no choice. I was doing this for Bella.

"I do that, and Bella gets screwed Jazz and that's not going to happen. Not when she's already lost so much because of me." My head was starting to fucking throb like an air-raid siren was going off inside my skull and I debated stumbling my ass to the bar for another. Considering it was beginning to hurt simply to breathe now, I stayed my ass on the fucking couch.

"Why Edward?" Emmett demanded suddenly.

"Why: what?" My eyes were beginning to droop of their own accord and it was getting hard to concentrate on my surroundings. To be expected, I'm pretty sure by now all my blood had been replaced with a Jack Daniels and coke substitute.

"Why are you doing this? You fucking love it here, why would you just leave, for a slapper?"

"She's not a slapper!" I roared despite my pounding head.

What the fuck? I thought. Emmett was her friend!

"Oh, I know she's not a slapper. I just wanted to be sure you knew that, since you decided to fuck her like she was. Bella's special man, you know?"

"He knows." Jasper piped in before I could answer. He was looking at me knowingly.

I was officially past this fucking conversation, it didn't matter how special Bella was anymore. I had fucked that up beyond repair and all I could do now was move forward and follow my father's demands. Be the good little son that Edward Cullen was known to be.

Bile rose up in my throat, and I grimaced in disgust.

All I wanted to do was go to fucking bed and pass out. I tried to stand but the room started spinning and I swayed dangerously. Emmett grabbed me under the arm and helped me upstairs to my bedroom.

He threw me down onto my bed, a little more roughly than I thought necessary and I managed to tell him so. He just rolled his eyes at me,

"You're my brother Edward, but that girl, she's like my best friend and baby sister rolled into one, so I'll miss you bro, but I'm glad you did what you did. Respect brother. Jazz and I are going to crash here tonight, no arguments."

I was too tired to protest and besides which, it was kind of comforting having them here in the house. Two extra people and suddenly it didn't feel quite so empty anymore.

I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep, my dreams saturated with her.

Bella.

*

The light shone through my bedroom window and burned the retinas of my eyes. I turned to turn my head away from the light, but that hurt even fucking more than the light so I stayed there, my eyeballs slowly burning inside my skull. I couldn't even close the fuckers, I was that hung over.

I could hear Emmett in the kitchen slamming pots and pans around and my stomach turned when it realised that meant Emmett was making breakfast. Probably something vomit-inducing and greasy: no doubt. It would be worse to stay in bed and have him come to me, however.

I got out of bed, my entire body aching like a bitch and my face like, well like Emmett had fucking clocked me the night before. My stomach lurched and I just made it to the bathroom before I threw up in the toilet. When I had finished expelling all my stomach contents and what I suspected were some internal organs as well, I sat back against the wall closing my eyes.

"Jesus Edward, what did you fucking drink last night? It reeks in here!" Emmett was standing in the bathroom door wearing a ridiculous Christmas apron that said "Oh,

Santa I've been a VERY good girl this year!" along with a picture of a 50's pinup girl. I don't know where the hell he got it from but it certainly wasn't mine.

"You look like an idiot" I said, tasting the bile in my mouth.

I stood up and went to the sink and rinsed my mouth out. I looked into the mirror and the face that stared back looked like utter shit. I mean really, this apparently had been the bender to end all benders. My eyes were dark and there were huge circles under them and I looked a pasty green colour.

"No, I look festive and you look like crap, Which is not going to do you any favours since

Mum called this morning and said to tell you she's on her way over. Get in the shower dude, you really stink, I'm not just being a dick here, you and water need to make each other's acquaintance."

"Mum? Oh, fuck Emmett does she know?" I was mortified; surely my father hadn't told my mother what I had done? Had he?

"Sorry bro, she knows. Better shower now, she'll be here any minute." He turned and walked out of the bathroom.

I showered quickly and threw on some sweat pants and a t-shirt after I had dried off. I pulled open a drawer and grabbed the Panadol, dry swallowing two of them. I grimaced at my reflection again and left the bathroom, nothing was going to make me look any better at that point, so I decided not to even bother.

I had just barely walked out of my bedroom when a small bronze haired woman threw herself into my arms.

"Hey Mum." I said, wincing in pain. She was clutching me so damn tightly and the

Panadol hadn't kicked in yet.

"France Edward? Do you have any idea what this will do to me?" I could see a tear escape the corner of her eye and although I didn't think it possible, I felt worse than before. I loved my mother; she had always been there for me when I needed it. I hadn't thought was this was going to do to her.

"Come on Mum, don't cry, I'll visit all the time. Besides, it's not like it's exactly my choice, I don't want to go; I have to."

Yeah, you can thank your evil fucking husband for that one. I thought bitterly.

She looked at me, her eyes still swimming with unshed tears.

"I know baby, and I'm so proud of what you did for that girl." she patted my cheek and smiled at me. Wait, did she realise I slept with my P.A?

"Ah, you DO know what happened don't you?" I never expected my mother to be praising my behaviour.

"Well, obviously you need to learn how to lock a bloody door, that was just stupid by the way, but I was mainly talking about what you did afterwards. I'm not pleased with your father and he knows it, but I am pleased with you helping that girl, she didn't deserve to lose her job."

"Grubs up," Emmett screamed from the kitchen and I swear the windows were close to shattering from the sonic boom that his voice created.

"Sweet," Jasper hollered sprinting up the stairs and quickly hugged Esme on his way past.

"Hey Mum, Hey Dad." He called over my shoulder.

Oh fuck no. Dad was here too?

I turned around slowly to see my father standing in the doorway looking at me with a blank expression on his face. He'd been standing there throughout Esme's speech and

I knew he would be angry that she wasn't siding with him.

Ha, fucking ha, Dad. A childish voice sang in my head.

"Difficult night was it son?" He waved a hand at my obviously hung over person. I was about to really let loose and say something I know I would've regreted later but my mother cut me off before I had the chance.

"You've done enough Carlisle. Leave him be." The look she gave him could have turned him to stone.

"I've carried out my half of the bargain Edward, I would suggest you stay sober long enough to carry out yours. You have affairs to get in order before you leave." His voice was clipped, his disappointment in me was clear to everyone in the room.

I wished I could've said it didn't matter, but to some part of me his disappointment did matter.

"Well, maybe so Dad, but first I think we should just all have some breakfast right?"

Emmett cut through the tense situation in his own diplomatic way.

I gave my brothers a lot of grief and didn't recognise half of what they did for me, but I loved them dearly.

I was going to miss them.

We ate in silence, a painful silence that did nothing to increase my appetite or decrease nausea I was experiencing. It was lucky that I didn't keep a gun in the house, I would've used it on myself with no hesitation at all.

"Won't you come and stay with us till you leave Edward? I going to miss you so much and I want to spend all the time I can with you." my mother grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"For god sake Esme, he's not dying! He's going to France and if he uses his time there wisely, it could benefit him greatly." My father added pointedly.

Fuck you. I screamed in my head. I would've given anything to be able to say it out loud and watch his face.

"I don't think that would be a good idea under the circumstances Mum. Sorry." I stood shakily and fought back a wave of vertigo. I gave my mother a small kiss on the top of her head and a curt nod to Carlisle.

"Thank you both for coming over. I will be there on Christmas Eve, but right now I am going to go back to bed and try to keep down my breakfast." I turned to Emmett and Jasper who were both smirking at me.

"You two fuck heads can kiss my ass."

"Language Edward," My mother admonished. Jasper made an 'oooohhhh' face and

Emmett sniggered into his hand.

"My apologies Mother," I said to Esme before heading towards my room.

"Hey what do you want us to do?" Jasper yelled at me. I waved a hand over my

Shoulder,

"Stay, go, I really don't fucking care. Just leave me the hell alone and you can do whatever the fuck you want."

I made it to my room and as I closed the door I heard my mother say to my father,

"He gets that foul language from your side you know."

I climbed into my bed and curled into a ball.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I awoke it was night again. I had slept the entire fucking day. The worst part was, I didn't feel any better for it, rather I felt worse.

There was a painful clarity in my head that was allowing the gravity of what I had done, hit me with full force.

I had cost Bella her job and cost me my home, but the worst thing my actions had cost me was Bella herself.

Oh shit, I breathed as that same clarity allowed me to recall every moment with Bella in perfect detail, and those memories burned me as much as they thrilled me.

The way her skin felt, silky and delicate, like I could bruise her with the slightest pressure, the way her body literally gravitated towards my touch like I was her puppet master pulling her by her strings. Her scent, oh god, so spicy and exotic, that fucking cinnamon would drive me crazy one day.

Bella's own signature scent, suddenly I craved it so bad, I thought I'd peel my skin off if

I didn't get it. I scrambled beside my bed on the floor finding the shirt I had been wearing last night. I spotted it and grabbed it swiftly bringing it to my nose and inhaling deeply.

Ahhhhh...Bella.

She was all over it, I could smell her everywhere. I crawled back into bed with the shirt and lay there holding it under my chin, just breathing that calming fragrance. The pain in my body ebbed slightly and I could breathe just a little bit easier. It also made me a little more rational.

The damage was done and nothing I could do would change it, I had done the best I could by Bella under the circumstances and there was nothing more I could do there.

Now all that was left was to tie up my loose ends in New Zealand and get ready to leave everything and everyone I loved behind.

Everyone meaning specifically Bella, don't you mean?

I didn't love Bella! Did I?

Yes, you know you do. A small voice made itself known in the back of my mind. I didn't know if I loved Bella or not, I knew such a thing was not wise anyway considering our circumstances.

Yeah, ok, keep on the denial train. It will take you direct to Fuckwit town. You should fit right in. So? Even if I did love her, it was really a moot point now, wasn't it? I mean, I was never going to contact her again after this anyway, so what fucking good could come from admitting shit like that?

None, so I was not going to go there.

But, like a bad habit, she crept back into my thoughts, dominating them forcing me to ignore everything else until my focus was entirely on her. My goddess demanded absolute devotion and worship, and I would give her whatever she desired.

I was leaving behind any chance I might have had in obtaining the goddess. If things had gone differently: if I had locked the door, if I had stood up to Carlisle. The what if's were going to finally tip me over the edge, I thought.

I had tasted paradise only to have it snatched from my grasp. It was a addictive kind of torture, where you know it would have been better for you to have never tasted that paradise, to have just left the forbidden fruit right the fuck alone like you knew you were supposed to. But it still didn't matter. You wouldn't change a fucking thing anyway.

That was how I felt about Bella.

To have wanted her for so long, and finally, finally, have her? Words could not do such a feeling justice. Then to have her snatched from my grasp? Reality was a fucking bitch alright.

I needed air.

I pulled a packet of cigarettes out of my bedside table and went out to the deck. I took a cigarette and lit it, dragging deeply. I held the smoke in my lungs for a while before I slowly exhaled.

I looked out at the city spread below me, my city. It sparkled and shimmered as only

Wellington can, and my stomach dropped as I realised this would be one of the last times I could do this. I hated Carlisle at that moment and I hated the power he seemed to have over me, always manipulating, always scheming.

I flicked my cigarette over the railing and went back inside, flicking on my iPod that sat in its dock beside my bed. The forceful opening beats of "Better Days" by Tadpole began to fill my empty room. I huffed a small laugh as I listened to the relevance of the lyrics. Renee Brennan understood my misery, and she sang her condolences to me

*

_Sometimes I feel sorrow and there's no way to release it _

_It wells up inside, don't have no one here with whom to share it, _

_Except you, you're nice _

_Sometimes I feel guilty and I wish I could absolve it _

_I miss peace it's nice, haven't had much of it 'round here lately _

_I miss peace, it's nice._

_*  
_

Except I didn't have Bella anymore: and never would.

*

_There's no way to break through _

_I'm trying to break through _

_'cause I feel in slow-mo _

_And there's no way to break through _

_'cause I feel in slo-mo _

_*  
_

My stomach lurched and I vomited into the rubbish bin placed next to my bed. I wondered who had put that there.

I really didn't deserve my family.

* * *

**A/N: please feel free to review this chapter, and hopefully we will be seeing you over at our blog :)**


	3. Consequences

**A/N: First and foremost thank you to those who took the time to review, reviews are important to Authors for many reasons, first and foremost they let us know what you like and dislike about the story which helps us to gauge how you will react to upcoming chapters and helps us in the editing process. We would also like to thank those of you who have added this story to your favourites/alerts lists.**

**Renee, Charlie and Jakes profiles will be up on our blog later today as will be the links to the locations where this chapter is set. Make sure you check them out. A link to our blog can be found on our profile pages.**

**Greenaway: And to whoever owns Vogel's Bread..... I love you.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & myself own An Angel at my Table...SJD own 'beautiful haze, the Cure own 'boys don't cry.'** **Sublime own 'Smoke Two Joints.' **

* * *

**Chapter 3: Consequence...**

I sighed in frustration when I woke up touching myself, and I whispered Edward's name as I brought myself to my climax. This was definitely not helping me purge Edward from my system. I rolled out of bed and hurried for the shower.

I had to get organised, I was flying up to Tauranga with Rose and Alice to spend Christmas in the sunny bay of plenty. I hadn't even begun packing, but I wasn't too worried about it, I knew Alice would do it for me when she arrived.

I took my coffee and went to sit at the dining room table, the bright red courier envelope sitting there caught my eye, I tore it opened and my breath caught when I recognised the expensive monogrammed stationary used by Cullen Industries.

I read the letter of recommendation signed by Carlisle in surprise, I wasn't expecting him to give me a glowing reference however I was more shocked when I saw the cheque made out to me for two hundred thousand dollars.

Hush money I guessed, but I wasn't about to complain even though I knew it was only petty cash to Cullen Industries I felt it was a small victory, Carlisle knew I would have had a personal grievance and sexual harassment case against the company should I wish to pursue it. Which I had no intention of doing.

I read the accompanying letter with a grimace, it stated confidentiality and by accepting the money I was agreeing to take no action against Edward or the company blah, blah, blah. I screwed up the letter and tossed it over my shoulder, the cheque and recommendation letter went into my safe.

At least I wouldn't need to rush to find another job, though I planned to anyway, I hated being idle.

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I felt myself relaxing as we touched down at the tiny airport, I could see Renee and Charlie waiting for us in the outside waiting area. We disembarked and walked across the tarmac and straight into Renee's waiting arms.

"Oh girls, it's so nice to have you here. You all look so well, except Bella what have you done to yourself dear?"

"I tripped over the coffee table." I was surprised at how easy the lie came, and I was even more surprised at the absence of my blush, something that would have normally have help to out me in the lie

"Honestly Bella you are the clumsiest girl I've ever met."

I smiled as we drove down Marine Parade and I saw the bright red flowers of the pohutakawa trees that were dotted along the coastline. I loved Christmas in New Zealand it was summer time so Christmas day was spent on the pristine white sands of the beach getting a tan and indulging in the wide range of water sports that were on offer.

I let myself wonder briefly what Edward was doing for Christmas,_ spending it under the thumb of daddy Carlisle_ I suspected. Rose had told me that Carlisle was banishing Edward to France to head up some new office over there. I felt a little saddened that Edward wouldn't be calling New Zealand home anymore, though I was secretly glad to see he never got off Scot free.

I loved Charlie and Renee's beach front apartment it was the best retirement investment they had made. It took the glowing white sand and the sparkling blue green Pacific Ocean, not to mention gorgeous views of Mt Maunganui.

Renee was talking nonstop telling us all about her Yoga Guru, book club, art lessons and walking group, she then proceeded to demand every minute detail of our lives in Wellington. I kept silent as Rose then Alice told Renee limited details of their lives.

They were sworn to secrecy on my being fired.

"So Bella, how's things at Cullen Industries, I hope Edward's treating you well?" My throat constricted at the mention of Edward's name and tears pricked my eyes.

I shot a warning glance at Alice and Rose and cleared my throat, "Actually Mum due to restructuring within the company I got made redundant. Edward is going to be working in France." I hoped Renee wouldn't notice how my voice shook.

She didn't seem to, she was too shocked, "You lost your job, couldn't Carlisle transfer you to a new department? I mean you've worked there since you left school."

"There were no openings." I said simply and stared out the car window at the ocean so I could avoid Renee's gaze.

"Even so Bella I'm shocked that Carlisle would show you such disloyalty to you after all these years. It's disgusting and right on Christmas. What are you going to do now sweetie?"

"I'm going to look for another job. I got a letter of recommendation and a redundancy package, so I've got time to find something else.

"Still they should have kept you."

"It's all good Mum. It's time for a change anyway."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Christmas day passed in a flurry of food, presents and festivities, well festivities for everyone else. My recent drowning of my sorrows had poisoned me and I gagged every time I tried to enjoy a tipple.

I vented my frustration to Alice and Rose, "how the fuck am I going to drown out the horror that is my life on New Year's Eve if I can't even stomach a couple of mouthfuls of alcohol?" Rose and Alice giggled and I sighed deeply. We were alone on the deck enjoying the summer sun, Rose and Alice were both sporting hangovers and sadly I was jealous.

We discussed our plans for New Years Eve and decided to spend it in a bar called the Astrolabe in a small but crowded part of town. The place was packed due to the fact New Zealand cult band Blindspott were playing a gig there.

I was determined to force a couple of drinks down myself but I only managed a couple of mouthfuls of my vodka before I was starting to feel queasy. I was about to throw a hissy fit when the band struck up the first song and Alice was dragging me onto the dance floor.

I instantly got into the music and it felt great to finally just let go of all the turmoil in my life and enjoy the pulsating music as it vibrated through the floor. They had just started up 'mind dependency' when I felt a pair of arms encircle my waist and the hard contours of some ones chest pressing into my back.

I spun around and found myself in the embrace of a gorgeous young Maori guy who looked about eighteen. He had beautiful smooth coffee coloured skin and warm brown eyes his jet black hair fell in ringlets down his back.

"Hi I'm Jacob, but most people call me Jake." He smiled widely revealing a set of ultra white teeth that gleamed against his dark skin.

"Bella," I smiled shyly as he began to sway us in time with the music.

"So Bella do you live around here or are you just here to enjoy the good times in the fabulous Bay of Plenty?"

I knew exactly what Jake was getting at. For years Mount Maunganui, the usually sleepy seaside town came alive over the summer months as tens of thousands of New Zealanders flocked to its sunny shores in search of good times.

"I'm here from Wellington with my sisters to spend the holidays with my parents. How about you do you live around here?" I asked politely.

"I live here with my Dad and my grandmother, but I'm starting at Victoria University in February."

"Really, what are you studying?"

"Ecology and Biodiversity and Maori studies, so how about you what do you do in Wellington?"

"I've just given up my job as a P.A. And I'm not sure what I'm going to do next." I grimaced as the image of Edward gripping my legs tightly flashed across my mind.

"Ah well no need to worry about it now, who knows what tomorrow will bring, you know with the New Year and all that... it's the perfect time for new beginnings."

"You know what Jake you're right; it is the perfect time for new beginnings." We carried on dancing until the set was finished then headed for a relatively empty part of the room.

"Do you want a drink Bella?" Jake flashed a quick smile and I felt myself blush.

"Nah I went on a bender the other week and I still haven't recovered properly, should have waited for tonight... but there you go." He laughed loudly and I grimaced.

"How about something a little more medicinal and natural then?" I looked at him for a moment and he smirked.

I took a deep breath, "Yeah why not, I don't usually indulge in pot smoking but since I can't drink and it's the eve of a New Year."

Come on then." He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the crowded bar.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we hit the pavement.

"To the beach," We made our way up the crowded street and cut through a walkway Jake knew of that brought us onto the road that ran parallel to the beach.

There were people everywhere wishing each other a good night as they staggered past.

I loved this time of year when everyone was in a good mood and people were being nice to each other. We made our way down the sand dunes; Jake kept a firm grasp on my hand as we made our way to the shoreline.

He pulled a joint from his pocket and sparked it up, toking deeply before passing it to me. I inhaled deeply holding the burning smoke in my lungs for as long as possible before exhaling slowly.

I felt the effects of the weed immediately and my eyelids grew heavy and drooped and I could feel myself relaxing as all the tension of the last few weeks leaving me. Jake passed me the joint back and I accepted it gratefully, I took a large toke then another before passing the cigarette back to him.

It was so dark on the beach that I could barely see in front of my feet, so I never saw the couple that were making out on the sand until I had tripped over them.

"Fuck, shit I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there." I stammered.

"No worries, happy New Year." Said a deep voice from the darkness.

"Yeah you to," Jake howled with laughter as he reached out to take my hand. I joined in his laughter and soon we were laughing nonstop as we ran along the sand.

"Oh my god I didn't even see them fornicating right there in public." I erupted into a fresh round of giggles, my stomach hurt and my cheeks ached from laughing so hard.

"Yeah I was going to tell them to get a room... but they're probably not old enough." We laughed some more and it felt good. Jacob was so easy going it was hard not to feel at ease around him.

Jacob handed me the joint, "hey I wonder what time it is?" He pulled out his phone and checked the time, "It's a quarter to midnight, come on let's go." He grabbed my hand and we ran toward the sand dunes we scrambled up them and emerged onto the crowded boardwalk.

There were thousands of people everywhere, the road had been cordoned off to traffic and there were three massive truck trailers parked at random intervals, each trailer had a different band playing with thousands of people swaying to their beats.

We joined the crowd dancing in front of the nearest trailer; Jake pulled me into his arms as SJD started strumming the first chords to 'Beautiful Haze.'

We laughed at each other's attempts to sing the lyrics with the band.

_It might be nice to smash the state, but it's getting late_

_And mostly I'm just workin for the man_

_It might be good to tell the boss I don't give a toss and to stick his lame arse job_

_But I don't think that I can_

I should have told Carlisle to stick his lame arse job before he could fire me.

_The universe is mostly fine with me – it seems the only place to be_

_Wake up from your beautiful haze_

There was no way I was in a hurry to wake up from my beautiful haze, Jacob had some awesome weed.

_Rise up, smash your beautiful chains, climb out of your beautiful maze_

_Rise up, rise up_

_Climb down from your beautiful tower; you know you won't make beautiful remains_

_All that's left is this beautiful hour _

_And it's ours, ours_

Jacob grinned at me as he sang along to the lyrics.

_I sit here listening in five point one_

_When the working day is done, I look around and it's all good_

_I nailed my edicts to the lunch room door – make love not war_

How ironic it's making love that got me into this war. Internal war that is, between loving and hating Edward.

_They say just do it, I just did, and it seemed I really could_

Yeah I just did it and it backfired horribly.

_I'm just a puny guy on a blue green ball_

_Got no problem with that thought at all_

Yeah I'm just a puny P.A. nowhere near good enough for the perfect Edward Cullen.

_Wake up from your beautiful haze_

_Rise up smash your beautiful chains, climb out of your beautiful maze_

_Rise up, Rise up_

In my stoned and carefree state of mind I decided those words were going to become my mantra for the New Year. I was going to rise up above my recent humiliation and I was going to smash Edward's beautiful chains he had ensnared with and move my life forward in a positive direction.

_Climb down from your beautiful tower you know won't make beautiful remains_

_All that's left is this beautiful hour _

_And it's ours, ours._

Just then the music stopped and the countdown to New Year had begun, Jake was still holding me in his arms and I was so caught up in counting in the New Year with the thousands of others gathered on the beach that I completely forgot what happens on the stroke of midnight.

"_Four, three, two, one,_ Happy New Year!" Jake pulled me closer into his body and leaned forward bringing his lips to mine.

I completely froze, I wasn't ready for this and I felt confused. His hand twisted into my hair and he pulled me deeper into the kiss. My brain seemed to disengage from my body and I was suddenly responding my lips moved against his warm soft ones.

It was a very sweet kiss but there was not even a hint of a spark and there was certainly no electrical charge, Iike when Edward kissed me. I sighed in frustration when the image of Edward and our kisses flashed through my mind. I was going to have no shot at another relationship if images of Edward flashed up in my mind every time I kissed someone.

I pulled away from Jacob and smiled shyly, his bloodshot eyes stilled sparkled in the light of the street light we were standing under. "Jake I've got the munchies, let's go and get some food." He laughed loudly, his mood jubilant as he grabbed my hand and pulled me along the crowded footpath.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrating; I expected it to be Rose or Alice demanding to know where I had disappeared to. I was surprised to see Emmett's name on the caller I.D.

_Happy New Years Bells, I hope you're ok. Miss ya Mate, let's catch up soon._

I permitted myself a small smile; at least one Cullen male was loyal to me.

_Happy New Year Emmett, I miss you too. I hope you're having a good night._

Jake looked at me curiously as I waited for Emmett's reply.

_Nah it sucks, I'm at fucktards going away party. It's like a bloody funeral if it wasn't for the last of my Christmas cheer I think I'd probably throw myself off a bridge to alleviate the boredom._

My breath caught in my throat. So Edward was really leaving and there was absolutely no hope, my secret dream that he would come and find me was nothing but ashes.

_Sorry to hear your night sucks but don't jump off a bridge. I wish I had some Christmas cheer right now. How's Jazz?_

I was glad to know that Emmett wasn't mad at me, but I knew he wouldn't be, I'd never known Emmett to be mad about anything – except Edward of course. But I had no idea how Jasper had taken my indiscretion.

_He's all good. He says hi and told me to say he misses you._

He missed me too that was definitely a good sign. But I wanted to make sure that they really weren't angry.

_So you guys aren't mad about what happened?_

I stared at the question for a full minute before I pressed send.

_Not with you. It was fucktard that blew it not you. And the fuckin idiot knows it._

I wondered what Emmett meant by Edward knowing he blew it.

_Tell Jazz Happy New Year and tell fucktard good luck._

I could tell Jake was getting impatient with my lack of attention but I wasn't too worried.

_Jazz says happy New Year and hurry up and come back to Wellington, Fucktard says thank you and good luck to you. God he's such a dick head._

Well that was a very dignified response from Edward.

_I'll text you when I'm home enjoy the rest of your night xx._

Jake and I reached the burger restaurant and walked through the doors into the brightly lit space, I slid into an empty booth while Jake ordered for us. We ate in silence occasionally snickering at a drunken patron that would complain about the food or slow service.

We headed back to the beach and walked hand in hand back toward Charlie and Renee's apartment, when I pointed out which apartment building was there's he walked me to the entry.

"I had a really good night with you Bella and I'd like to hang out with you more when I get to Wellington, that's if you want to?" Jake ducked his head shyly and he looked so damn adorable.

"I had a really good time with you to Jake and I'd really like you to hang out with you as friends when you move to Wellington." I hoped that he'd picked up on my use of the word _friends._

"I'd like to be friends with you Bella." I smiled at him as I got out my cell phone and let him punch in his number; he gave me his phone so I could do the same.

"I'll see you round Jake and thanks again."

"See you Bella." He leaned forward and gave me a gentle kiss and once again Edwards face flashed across my mind.

I pulled away and walked into the building, as I caught the lift up to Charlie and Renee's apartment, I thought back to the kisses Jake and I had shared and compared them to the kisses I shared with Edward, there was no comparison.

My previously good mood evaporated, "I'm doomed to spend life alone. Damn you to the fiery pits of hell Edward Cullen."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The next four weeks were spent lazing on the beach, enjoying the sunshine and all the opportunities it afforded. We surfed, swam, played beach volleyball and cricket by day and had barbeque dinners that included an abundance of local seafood.

It was with pouting lips that Rose, Alice and I said goodbye to Charlie and Renee at the airport and headed back to Wellington.

I said goodbye to Alice and Rose and headed up to my apartment, though I loved living in the heart of the city I was beginning to have half formed ideas about selling the place and combining the proceeds to my hush money and maybe buying myself a house in the suburbs.

I was just unpacking my toiletries in the bathroom when I came across a small green box; I frowned as I tried to remember back to when I last had a period. My eyes widened in fear when I realised it had been a while, longer than it should have been.

"Oh no, oh fuck…oh shit…please God don't do this to me." If my calculations were right I had missed my last period which should have arrived after I'd hooked up with Edward.

I tore from the room and reached for the phone, I was so glad I had Alice on speed dial.

"Hello."

"Alice, its Bella, can you please come over right now, oh and can you stop at the pharmacy and buy me a pregnancy test."

"Oh fuck Bella…I'll be right over."

"Thanks and please hurry." I was starting to go into a panic the last thing I needed was to be pregnant to a guy who thought I was nothing more than a mistake.

I paced the floor and prayed to every Deity known to mankind not to let me be pregnant with Edward's child. I couldn't stop the hot angry tears that spilled from my eyes, "oh fuck…shit…fuck, hurry up Alice."

I rushed toward the door when I heard the key twist in the lock and moaned in relief when I saw her carrying a plastic bag full of different test kits. Rose followed her in with a sympathetic look on her face.

I looked back at the bag full of pregnancy tests and couldn't help but laugh, "Um…Pixie I'm pretty sure one box of tests would have done the job."

"Well Bella, you can never trust the reliability of these things so I thought if the majority of them come back positive we can safely assume you're pregnant. Now go and fill up on water and get ready to pee."

I rolled my eyes and rushed to the kitchen, I drunk three large glasses of water and waited for my bladder to oblige. I was grateful I didn't have to wait long and I couldn't help but laugh when Alice passed me six tests and made me pee on all of them at once.

"It will save time Bella, unless you want to be up all night drinking water and peeing on sticks." I sighed and nodded my head I couldn't argue with her logic.

I was so nervous I didn't even object to Rose and Alice being with me in the bathroom.

We waited for the indicator strips to either change colour or for lines to appear. Tears sprang to my eyes when the first six tests came back positive. The tears began pouring relentlessly when the second six tests also came back positive and I was sobbing uncontrollably when the last six tests came back positive as well.

"I'm so sorry Bella but I'd say that you are one hundred percent pregnant." Alice's voice rung with sympathy and she put her arms around me and held me close.

I was pregnant with Edward's child, could things get any worse? _Please don't answer that god I don't want to know._

Alice and Rose put me to bed and promised they'd stay with me tonight and support me whatever my choice. As soon as they closed the door I broke down and sobbed into my pillow. What the fuck was I going to do?

I cried for what seems like hours before exhaustion got the better of me and sleep finally took me...

* * *

**Edwards POV...**

The next morning greeted me with new perspective. This situation was what it was and I just had to try and make the best of it. I would tie up my life here and pack to start again in fucking France. As I got out of bed and made myself a coffee in the kitchen, I amused (or tortured) myself by thinking of all the things I hated that were French.

Escargot (snails just weren't appetizing: Spin it any way you want it's the truth.), their president (the male fucking version of Paris Hilton. That man should not be allowed to run a country) the Eiffel fucking tower (Overrated. Been there and done that, don't plan on going back.), no more Speight's (oh. Dear. God. They won't sell Speight's? What the fuck was I going to do?).

I took a deep breath and made my way to the lounge and sat down at the coffee table with my laptop. I really didn't have too much to organise, but the most worrying concern for me would be my house here in Wellington and my beach house on Waiheke. Shit, I was going to have to hire a caretaker for Waiheke, I couldn't ask Jazz or Em to keep an eye on it for me. I didn't really want them to know about it, even now with everything that had happened. It was still my little secret and I wanted to keep it that way.

Something caught my attention on the corner of the coffee table and I picked it up sniffing it appreciatively and smiling. Jasper had left me an early Christmas present in the form of a fat vanilla scented blunt. I put the blunt down, deciding I would have it after I had finished, I knew I needed to get this stuff done before I left, it would be almost impossible to do from

France.

I cracked my knuckles and bent over the laptop.

_Time to sort my shit out:_

Three hours later and I was sitting on my couch with a goofy grin on my face bobbing my head along to Sublime, my laptop still untouched.

Bradley Nowell's voice became floating through the speakers and I could almost see the notes of the music curling with the smoke above my head.

Cool.

_I smoke two joints in the morning. _

_I smoke two joints at night. _

_I smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright _

_I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war _

_I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, _

_And then I smoke two more _

I took a big hit off the blunt and blew smoke rings out in front of me. It was really good shit. I hoped I'd remember to thank Jasper.

I was wasted.

_Daddy he once told me son you be hard working man _

_And momma she once told me son you do the best you can _

_But, then one day I met a man who came to me and said _

_Hard work good and hard work fine but first take care of head _

I finished the blunt and lay back on the couch, flicking the song onto repeat. Yeah, daddy was always fucking telling me to work harder and do better.

_Fuck it, just smoke the blunt and think of times of peace man. Mellow dude, _

Good advice, good fucking advice.

I finished the blunt and was more stoned than I could remember being in a long time.

I fucking love my brother; I thought as I sat there just blissed the fuck out. I hadn't felt this calm in what felt like a very fucking long time.

I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

* * *

Christmas arrived and that morning I woke up in my old bedroom at my parents house and stared at the roof. It would take all my concentrated effort to keep my smile on my face today, but I would do it for my mother. She loved Christmas and insisted on making a huge production and I could hardly wreck the day she looked forward to most.

I got up and went downstairs to find my Mother in the kitchen whisking eggs and singing along to Christmas carols. She hadn't seen me yet, so I plastered on what I hoped was my most convincing smile and came behind her wrapping my arms around her and giving her a hug.

"Merry Christmas Mum, I hope you and Santa Claus kept it clean last night and you were discreet. It would kill Dad, you know." She giggled at me, and I knew my ruse was successful.

_Ok, I just had to keep it up like that for the next….. Twelve hours._

Oh shit.

Esme out did herself on breakfast, and though the table was practically groaning from the sheer volume of food it carried, by the time we had finished there was barely a piece of Vogel's left.

A concentrated effort on Emmett's part, he consumed at least three times more than the rest of us ate together. It was oddly horrifying and yet fascinating watching one man consume three times his body weight in food.

After breakfast, we exchanged gifts and watched The Nightmare before Christmas; it had been Emmett's choice this year and he purposely choose it to mess with Esme. It worked beautifully; she was appalled and insisted it was not a 'real' Christmas movie.

After lunch we made our way down to the City Mission and donated gifts and helped with the kitchen. We had done this every year since we had arrived in New Zealand when we were only small children.

Esme insisted, saying it was important to help those who were on hard times "It could be you one day boys, never take anything in this life for granted.". Esme's family had been very poor and she knew what it was like to live from dollar to dollar, and she made damn sure her son's learned the value of money too.

We arrived home at about four in the afternoon and Esme threw herself into Christmas dinner and we were banished to the lounge until she called.

It was awkward and no one said a goddamn thing. I think we had sat there for about half an hour before Emmett opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when Jasper and simultaneously shook our heads at him. Knowing Emmett and how he always managed to make an uncomfortable situation just that bit worse, we decided to cut him off at the pass. He closed his mouth and sat back with a scowl.

Silence followed.

When Esme appeared in the doorway forty-five minutes later, I think we breathed a collective sigh of relief. The four of us plastered those fake, plastic grins on our face and went to dinner, each playing his part to appease the one person who didn't deserve to have her day ruined.

I left that night at about nine o'clock and drove home. As soon as I had driven away from my parent's house, the smile had left my face and I felt empty once again.

It was my new coping mechanism, so fucking sue me.

I didn't bother turning on any lights when I got home, I knew my way to the liquor without the need for light. I pulled a bottle of Gentleman Jack (It was fucking Christmas after all.) and a bottle of 42Below vodka for variety. I proceeded to the deck with my pack of cigarettes, enjoying the warm summer breeze.

I fucking loved Christmas in New Zealand. Fuck the snow, there is nothing better than waking up on Christmas morning and going out for a surf before eating breakfast on the beach. I took another swig of the vodka, I didn't even bother to use a glass I just drank straight from the bottle and alternated between the two.

You would think after my recent foray into alcohol that I would never want to drink again, but that was never the case for me, it just meant I would have to drink harder now to not feel anything.

I sat there, drinking until I began to feel numb. I tried not to think about Bella and the way she had felt around me when she came, the way her eyes would roll back and close as she hit the peak of her climax.....

I tried not to think about Bella and how her Christmas had been.

I groaned, why couldn't I just fucking forget her?

_Because you don't want to_

I knew, it may be my ultimate undoing, but it's true.

* * *

New Years Eve, and my mother, in all her good-intentioned glory, had organised a going away party for me at Mercure, hiring out damn near half the place and hiring half the caterers in the area. Oh, she had the hotel's onsite caterers working too. She was a machine, and if you got in her way, be prepared to get knocked down.

I didn't want to go, and I actually tried to stay home and just not turn up. I mean, I was leaving, what did it really matter what Wellington's elite thought of me?

My brothers anticipated this would be my decision and turned up an hour before it was due to kick off.

"Hellllooo, Honey, I'm home!" Emmett called as he poked his head through the door, his keys jingling obnoxiously in his hand.

I really wished I hadn't given them those keys.

"Fuck off Emmett. I'm not going." I yelled and winced at the tone of my voice. I wanted to kick my own ass, I sounded like such a whiny bitch.

"Yes you are Fucktard, Mum put heaps of fucking effort into this, and who knows how she managed to fucking book the Mercure at this time of year." Emmett pushed me into my bedroom and began throwing clothes at me out of my drawers, none of which were appropriate.

"She flashed the Cullen name, guaranteed to get you whatever you want." Jasper interjected leaning in the doorway.

"Not everything." I mumbled grabbing a casual black suit from the closet and thinking of Bella. The Cullen name had never made a difference to her, and it was one of the things I had always admired most about her she held no false airs.

"All black. Either you are very patriotic or extremely fucking morose." Jasper commented on my attire as I emerged fully dressed from the bathroom.

"Shut up, I'm dressed aren't I?" I growled at him.

They practically pushed me out the door and into Emmett's Jeep while I argued that I wanted to take the Aston Martin. They argued I couldn't be trusted to stay if I had my own means of escape.

Very fucking astute of them:

We arrived and the place was packed full of the rich and famous of Wellington. Everyone here was kissing someone else's ass and they all hoped that by coming tonight that could gain favour with Carlisle and myself.

So, effectively it was our asses being kissed tonight. I reminded myself that Esme had put a lot of effort into this and the least I could do was not sulk the entire night.

I pulled out the mask.

I said all the right things at all the right times, I smiled at all the right people and shook their hands. I kissed their wives cheeks. I laughed at all their jokes.

I was Edward Cullen: The perfect son and protégé of Carlisle Cullen: I was the perfect gentleman Esme Cullen boasted of.

At least that's how I looked on the outside.

On the inside I was a mess. I felt like I was in some kind of bad acid trip, everyone around me looked like monsters, demons, vampires all disguised in their corporate plastic masks.

They were closing in on me and I couldn't breathe, I was gasping for oxygen, needing one single breath…..

I laughed at a joke the Mayor of Wellington had made. I have no fucking idea what the pompous twit said, but I knew I was expected to laugh.

Bella, her face flashed in front of my eyes, and every single brunette in the room with long hair made my heart jump with hope, was that Bella? I rationally knew that she wasn't here, couldn't be here, but my foolish heart would not be convinced.

I wanted her so I was seeing her everywhere. I was drowning and alone.

I had never felt so alone in my entire fucking life.

I day dreamed of Bella, the way I used to at work. Huh, it seemed like a lifetime ago now, but it was merely days.

I dreamed we were together, I dreamed of a barefoot (sexist, I know.) and pregnant Bella at my, our, home. The home I would finally fill with a family.

"Hey man, how are you holding up?" Jasper came up to me and touched my arm. He was concerned about me. I held my mask firmer in place; I didn't need to put this on Jazz.

He took on the pain of everyone around him, and he felt it as though it were his own.

Jasper was crude, somewhat sleazy in a charming kind of way, perverted druggie. He was also the most caring and compassionate person I knew and as childish as he could be, he was also the wisest person I knew.

"I'm holding up Jazz, it's the best I can do." I said keeping my voice low and steady. It was harder to keep up the façade around Jasper.

"That's enough for now bro, that's enough for now. You will get through this you know?" He asked clapping me on the shoulder. He seemed confident I could get past this. I was not so sure.

"You think so? Because I really don't see it getting any better than this Jasper, I can't get her out of my head and it's driving me insane! I know that I could never deserve someone like her, especially after what happened, but I can't stop thinking about what could have been!

She's everywhere, and I can't get to her!"

My words were desperate, a reflection of what I felt inside, but my voice was calm and neutral to the outside world. I was literally two fucking people at the moment and it was exhausting.

Jasper just looked at me sadly and shook his head. Fuck, I was unloading on him and that was exactly what I didn't want to do.

"Edward, you frustrate me you know? You act as though you have no choice in this, but you do. You're just too scared to take the chance, to step outside of the Edward

Cullen you and Carlisle have manufactured. Screw the deal Edward, go get the girl if you want to. Take her and ride off into the sunset. But if you don't, then don't sit here crying over what you're too scared to take a risk on. Love isn't perfect Edward, its crooked edges and frayed seams. It's worn and has scars and it's real. It's not the sterile, clinical idea you have in your head." He finished.

"Emmett's going to text Bella at midnight, it's not as good as hearing her voice, but it's the best we can do for you brother. Find us close to the time Ok?" He gave me a brief one armed hug and walked away, leaving me staring after him speechless. They were giving me a way to Bella?

If Carlisle found out: Fuck Carlisle, do it anyway. Emm and Jazz have your back, just do it!

Fuck it, I would. Consequences be damned:

Ok, settle down a bit, it was thinking like that, that got you into all this trouble to begin with.

"Edward?" I turned around to find Carlisle's steel gaze burning into me. I raised my eyebrows at him, what the hell did he want?

"I called a friend of mine who lives in France today, Marcus Denali. He has a daughter,

Tanya, who is around your age and lives in the apartment complex you are moving to, In fact, she will be your new neighbour."

I stared at him, why would I care about Marcus Denali's daughter? It's not like we we're going to be spending any time together or anything……

Oh, fuck me, is my father trying to set me up?

Had things got that bad?

Emmett and Jasper would certainly take the Mickey out of me if they ever caught wind of this.

"Yes, well, you haven't spent that much time in France, so I thought it might be beneficial for you to have a family acquaintance to make the transition easier. She has graciously offered to show you around and help you get on your feet."

"I don't need a fucking babysitter Dad; I'm quite capable of managing on my own." I spat at him. There was no ends to how far he would go to control me.

"Now calm down Edward, remember where you are. I know you don't like this situation but what you forget is that you put yourself here. The point is Edward, that this outcome is best for all concerned." he spoke to me as though I were a misbehaving child. I supposed in his eyes, I was.

"Best according to who?" I hissed at him forgetting myself for a moment but quickly recovering. The mask was back in place before anyone had noticed.

He opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Esme.

"Carlisle, stop monopolising him: Everyone is here to say goodbye now let them do it!" She took me by my arm and spun me away before he could say a word. A group of bankers saw us and turned to talk, smiling broadly, but my mother swept past them rushing me onto the deck.

"What the hell is this all about Mum?" I asked in confusion.

"It's nearly midnight; I wanted to be with all you boys for the count-down." I looked and spotted Jasper and Emmett standing there grinning at our mother and how she was behaving.

This was the Esme we loved best, the small town girl who laughed with abandon and held no pretences. Usually we saw Esme Cullen, the polished sophisticated wife of Carlisle Cullen.

This Mum was definitely our favourite.

She pulled us all into a hug as someone got on the microphone to begin the countdown. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

My mother hopped up and down and squealed in delight, I hoped Carlisle didn't come out and see, he wouldn't approve and would just ruin her mood.

"I love you Emmett, my oldest and sweetest son, happy new year baby!" She kissed

Emmett on the cheek and he broke us apart and pulled Esme into a bone crushing hug.

"Love you too Mummy Bear!" She threw her head back and laughed. He put her down and she moved to Jasper.

"I love you Jasper, my sensitive and caring boy, happy new year sweetheart."

"Love you too mum." Jasper kissed her cheek. My mother turned to me and her eyes filled with sadness.

"And Edward, I love you my darling boy, so noble and gallant and good. I'm going to miss you so much…" She kissed me on the cheek, and a cough cut through the air.

"People are beginning to miss you Esme, come inside now." Carlisle held his hand out for her. She looked down at her feet for a moment and smiled then nodded and took Carlisle's hand.

"I'll leave you out here for awhile boys, Edward come back inside after you have spoken to

Emmett; you have guests to see to." She winked and then disappeared inside.

"What's going on?" I asked, hoping that this was what I thought it was.

"Emmett's going to text Bella now." Jasper said.

Yes!

I tried to look unruffled but failed miserably.

"I just text her happy new year and told her what a fuck awesome party you've got going on here." Emmett grinned at me.

I shook my head, this was predominantly a business affair, what the hell did he expect?

Strippers... Wait, actually Emmett probably would.

"Well, what's she doing?" I asked impatiently.

"Uh, enjoying new years?" Emmett guessed.

"Well, what's she saying then?" I asked getting more and more frustrated. It was fucking obvious Emmett was as high as a fucking kite, his eyes were the size of saucers and it was irritating me.

He looked down at his phone when it beeped. He laughed.

"She asked how Jazz is doing." Jasper smiled and I wanted to punch him. I was jealous that she hadn't mentioned me, even though I knew she probably wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

I couldn't blame her.

"Tell her I said hi, and I miss her. Shit's been boring since she left." Jasper grumbled.

Emmett pushed at the buttons on the phone texting the woman (my woman!) who I wanted more than any other, the woman that I loved.

"She's surprised we're not mad with her." Emmett said frowning down at the phone.

He looked up at me "It was your fucking fault anyway, you knew you wouldn't lose

your job." I rolled my eyes at him

"I didn't intend on Bella losing her job either Emmett, it just kind of turned out that way. But I agree, I'm the one at fault, not her."

"Definitely your fault," Jasper piped in.

"Not With You. Fucktards fault. Fucktard Knows It." Emmett spoke out loud as he text the reply.

I did know it was my fault, and I was a fucktard, but I hoped Bella would even just enquire after me. I was practically begging her silently for a sign, any fucking sign that she was interested.

Emmett's phone beeped.

"Jazz happy new year, and good luck fucktard. Well, on the bright side at least she mentioned you." He said looking at me. It didn't seem like the bright side to me she called me fucktard. Which I was, but it still stung.

You deserve it, so suck it up. She's moved on, you need to as well.

"Tell her I said happy new year and to haul ass back here, I'm BORED." Jasper said and both he and Emmett looked at me expectantly. They were waiting for my message.

I thought about her impersonal and insulting message, yes she had definitely moved on if that was anything to go by. But then perhaps she had never been where I was to begin with.

Had I misread that look in her eyes back in the office with Carlisle?

"Edward? Waiting bro." Emmett said impatiently.

Ok, well if she had moved on, then I would make her think I had too, I may have been pathetic, but I really didn't want to look that way. I had a little dignity left and what I did have, I intended on protecting.

"Tell her I said thank you, and I wish her luck as well." I said curtly.

Jasper looked at me sharply and Emmett just groaned "You are such a dick Edward," But he text my message anyway.

I felt detached. All those little hopes about Bella, no matter how unfounded, now suddenly vanished and I was faced with a very bleak future. One with entirely no hope, I made a decision. I strode back inside and found my father.

He turned to me in surprise and I simply said "Give me this Tanya's number and I'll set something up."

He smiled broadly at me and clapped me on the back. "I knew you'd see sense eventually

Edward. Forget about Isabella Swan, there are bigger and brighter things meant for you."

Forget about Isabella Swan? Impossible, Move on and live the rest of my life with this gaping black hole inside me? Yeah, I would live with the emptiness and just make do.

I had no other choice.

* * *

I sat in my seat in first class and waited for takeoff, I was heading to Paris with one stopover in Singapore. Then onto my new life: A life without brown eyes and mahogany hair, a life without sassy P.A.s and tinkling laughs.

A life without Bella:

An annoying airhostess began asking me if I was comfortable and did I perhaps want anything? This was the third time she had asked me since I boarded and it seemed her interest crossed over from merely professional to flirtatious and unprofessional. Once I would have flirted my ass off back, but now with my delightfully torturous memories of Bella pleasantly flaying me alive, the airhostess just aggravated me.

I told her that I was fine and was just going to try to sleep in the hopes that she would get the hint and leave me alone.

I plugged my ear buds in and scrolled to Boys Don't Cry by The Cure.

_I would say I'm sorry _

_If I thought that it would change your mind _

_But I know that this time _

_I have said too much _

_Been too unkind _

I would say sorry if I thought it would make a difference, but Bella's text message had told me all I needed to know.

I _would break down at your feet _

_And beg forgiveness _

_Plead with you _

_But I know that it's too late _

_And now there's nothing I can do _

It was definitely too late, I was on a plane to the other side of the planet. As for forgiveness, I was not worthy of her forgiveness.

_I would tell you that I loved you _

_If I thought that you would stay _

_But I know that it's no use _

_That you've already _

_Gone away _

I knew I loved Bella, but I wished I didn't. It only made this so much harder. I had never been in love before, and to have it ripped away was excruciating.

We were told to fasten our seatbelts and I did as instructed. I listened to the song while I watched the airhostess mime directions at us.

I was really doing it. I was leaving behind everything I loved. These were the consequences of my actions and I was going to accept them.


	4. Moving On

**Author's Note:**

**Hey everyone! Author's Note from me Greenaway this week...**

**First off warnings for this chapter: offensive language, sexual content, and substance abuse. This warning will be consistent for the entire story. Be warned.**

**Second, the blog hold up has been my fault. Computer programs have been driving me crazy and I am attempting to rectify the situation as this is posted. It's alright, if it doesnt co-operate I am going to go all fucking ninja on it and prove who is boss. :-)**

**Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews. It's all appreciated.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, CinnamonTwist101 and Greenaway own An Angel At My Table. Mick Jagger owns 'Just another Night', Mark Ronson owns 'Oh my God' remix, Linkin Park own 'One Step Closer' and Tom Petty owns 'Learning to Fly'.**

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**Bella POV**

I woke with fresh tears leaking from my eyes; I wiped them away with the back of my hand but more followed. I groaned and pulled the blankets over my head. How did my life get to this point? Unemployed, alone and pregnant to a man who I loved but now resides on the other side of the world and thinks I'm nothing more than a stupid mistake.

What was I going to do? I had to make a decision on whether I wanted to have this baby, whether I wanted this huge lifelong responsibility, if I wanted to be a solo parent and most importantly did I want to have a baby to a man who didn't feel the same way?

Motherhood had never been high on my list of priorities. The few times I'd actually thought about having children it was always with a man who wanted the whole package.

A knock on my bedroom door brought me from my tumultuous thoughts, "come in." I groaned.

I pulled the covers from my face when Alice walked in with a breakfast tray laden with all my favourite foods, my mouth watered as my eyes fell upon the plate of apricot Danishes the fresh fruit salad and the steaming cappuccino with both cinnamon and chocolate sprinkles.

Rose followed her into the room and eyed me sympathetically, "are you all right Bella?"

"No." I answered honestly.

"Have you thought about what you are going to do?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it? We can help you go through the lists of pros and cons it might make it easier to decide." I smiled at Rosalie, she was such a practical person she always weighed up the pros and cons before she made a decision.

I used to hassle her about it as a teenager, but she always said she found it easier to live with her decision if she made an informed choice.

"Yeah I guess so, I can't really put it off and it would be good to know what I want to do before I see the doctor."

Rose took a piece of paper and a pen from my computer desk in the corner of my room and came to sit on the bed with me and Alice. I grabbed Danish as Rose headed up her two columned lists with pros and cons in bold text.

"So Bella I think we should start with the cons first it's always better to get the negatives out of the way so you have the positives to look forward to." I nodded at her in agreement I couldn't fault her logic.

**CONS * PROS:**

No father around * Motherhood

Big financial responsibility * Unconditional love

Loss of freedom and opportunity * Joy

Limits potential in finding Mr Right * Milestones

Lifetime commitment * Pitter Patter of tiny feet

Tough times to weather on your own * Baby smell and soft skin

The Cullen's/ the devil * Designer Baby gear

"Oh shit," Rose groaned, "there's an even split between the pros and cons, god I hate it when that happens, Jesus Bella you must have really done something to piss off the gods." Rose patted my arm in sympathy.

I groaned, like she needed to state the obvious, "Yeah I know, but what did I do? Maybe I was an evil sorceress in my last life and now my karma's catching up on me."

"I doubt it very much Bells, it's all in the way you look at it. I mean it could all turn out to be a blessing in disguise."

I looked at Alice in surprise and snorted, "Do you reckon?" I couldn't see any blessings in this nightmare scenario.

"Yes," Alice said with total conviction, "everything happens for a reason."

"Bells?" Rose interrupted, "I'm going to make an appointment for you with your Doctor for later on this afternoon."

"Rose I...I can't make the decision by this afternoon."

"Yes you can Bella. There's no point in stalling, it's not going to go away or fix itself, you'll feel better and be able to move forward and make plans once your decision is made."

I knew Rose was right but it didn't make it any easier. This was going to be a life altering decision whichever way I chose to go. I studied the pros and cons list, the cons were practical but the pros were purely emotional.

I tried to imagine myself holding a tiny baby in my arms, all warm and soft skin and sweet smell and I had to admit the image did tug at my heart strings especially since it was Edward's baby, it was sure to be beautiful. Unfortunately my head wanted its two cents worth and my mind quickly brought up an image of me looking very frazzled with a crying, whinging, unsatisfied child clinging to my leg.

"Fuck…shit…what the fuck?" I moaned and tried to zone out of the internal battle raging between my head and my heart.

Though I now knew in my heart that I loved Edward with all of my being. I had also accepted the fact that we could never be together.

And just like that my decision was made. I would keep Edward's child and raise it with all the love that my heart had stored for Edward, this way I could get to keep a part of the man I could only have in my dreams.

"I'm going to keep the baby." I blurted out. I smiled though, when I heard the conviction in my voice as my words rang in my ears.

"Yay Bella; I'm so happy for you. Rose we're going to be aunties. Ooh Bells I bet the baby will be gorgeous with such hot looking parents." Alice and Rose both reached over to hug me tightly and I felt a warmth shoot through my veins.

"We'll be there for you every step of the way Bells."

"Thanks, I'm sure I'm gonna need it."

"So what are you going to tell Mum and Dad?" The warmth in my veins turned to ice as I registered Alice's words.

I sighed, what the fuck was I going to tell Charlie and Renee? I doubted that sole parent was high on their list of dreams for their daughter. Not that I had any problem with it.

"Fuck, I don't know? I'm not telling them Edward's the father that's for sure."

"Hmm...Are you sure that's wise Bella?" I could tell Rose disapproved by the way her perfectly plucked brow arched in surprise.

"Yes. I don't want anybody to know Edward's the father, the last thing I need is for Carlisle the devil to find out I'm carrying the genetic spawn of his dark Angel. He'll probably have a doctor cut the child from me the moment I'm due and then have me assassinated."

Rose and Alice both laughed, but I shook my head, I was only half joking, I had no idea what kind of extreme lengths Carlisle the control freak would go to too eliminate a perceived problem. The man was absolutely ruthless.

"I plan to raise this child alone with absolutely no interference from the Cullen family. I want you two to swear on all you hold precious that you will not tell a soul the identity of the father. Do you swear?" I looked at them pleadingly.

"Sure." Alice gave me a dazzling smile.

"Of course Bella;" Rose nodded solemnly.

"Good and thank you both, now help me think up a good cover story, one that will fool even Renee and Charlie."

"You could tell them it was a one night stand."

"Fuck off Alice, Charlie would flip; he's going to be furious enough, without him thinking that his daughter is a promiscuous slapper, irresponsible enough to get pregnant to a man she doesn't know...I don't think so."

"True... It was only a suggestion." She sighed sadly.

Rose looked up at me with a smile, "what about if we say you were dating a foreign exchange student from Sweden. You could say he was only at Victoria University for a semester and you went out a few times but now he's gone home and you have no way of contacting him?"

"You know what Rose that's not half bad. At least Charlie won't be able to use his connections on the police force to track the guy the guy down."

We spent the rest of the day refining my story and by the time we arrived at the doctor's surgery we each knew the inside out and we'd thought of convincing answers to the probing question Renee was sure to ask.

The doctor confirmed what the eighteen home pregnancy tests had already told me, that I was indeed six weeks pregnant. Alice and Rose were ecstatic. I was petrified but determined now I'd made the decision.

We headed out to my favourite Italian restaurant so Alice and Rose could celebrate and we could make a rough plan of what I should do next.

"Well Bella I think you should sell your apartment and combine the proceeds with your hush money to buy yourself a house with a yard. You don't want to raise a child in an apartment building when you have the chance to have green space."

"Yeah I've been thinking about that. I'm also going to apply for a job at the university, just to mark the exam papers. It's the perfect job, I'll be able to work it around the baby and I'll be able to work from home."

"Good idea bell's it's good to see you're thinking clearly." Rose smiled at me approvingly and I felt more confident.

"Let's ring and tell Renee and Charlie, the sooner they know the sooner they'll get over it."

"I don't know Alice. Charlie's going to have a hissy fit."

"Too late," Alice had pulled out phone and dialled as soon as she heard the first ring she handed it to me with a smile.

I prayed Charlie and Renee would be out enjoying their various pursuits and wouldn't be home, my heart sank when Renee answered after the third ring.

"Hello."

"Hi Mum its Bella."

"Bella; honey how are you?"

"Um…I'm ok…look Mum; I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it sweetheart, are you alright?" My throat constricted and my mouth went dry.

I took a deep breath and blurted out, "I'm pregnant." I closed my eyes and waited for the explosion.

"What, what did you say dear?"

"I said I'm pregnant, six weeks pregnant."

"...Who are you pregnant to Bella? I didn't think you even had a boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend... Look Mum this is what happened." I quickly told her the story we had concocted and closed my eyes hoping she would believe my pack of lies.

"Are you going to tell him, are you going to find out if he wants to raise this child with you?"

"No Mum I'm not planning on telling him. I wouldn't even know where to find him."

"So what are you planning on raising this child alone as a solo parent?"

"Yes I am Mum and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Oh... are you sure you want to go it alone Bella. I have to tell you it won't be easy."

"I'm sure Mum and I'll have Rose and Alice for support."

"Well Bella...I guess if you're happy then so am I... A grandmother! I can't believe it. I'll have to start knitting at once. Winter in Wellington can be freezing and I wouldn't want my little grandchild to catch a cold."

And just like that Renee had moved on from disappointment to knitting.

"Mum could you please break the news to Dad? I know he's going to be disappointed and you are the only one who may have a chance at making him see reason."

"Of course sweetie, but Bella expect a phone call, you won't be able to avoid him... but I'll make sure he calms down before he calls you."

"Thanks heaps for understanding Mum I really appreciate it."

"That's what Mothers are for Bella. Now look after yourself and I'll talk to you soon."

"Ok Mum, I love you."

"I love you to Bells and say hi to your sisters for me."

I closed the phone and let out a relieved sigh at least Renee had taken the news well, I wasn't holding out much hope that Charlie would be so easily appeased.

Alice seemed to be thinking along the same lines, "Well I see Mum brought it I doubt you'll be so lucky with Charlie... though it was a stroke of brilliance to get Mum to tell him."

"She promised she wouldn't let him call until he'd calmed down so I'm guessing he's going to hit the roof."

"Oh well Bella don't worry about it, he'll have to accept it sooner or later there's no point crying over spilt milk. Now let's go back to your place and search the internet for the perfect house for you." Alice patted my arm soothingly.

"That sounds good Alice I need to a distraction to keep myself from stressing about Charlie." We left the restaurant hand in hand and I noticed the tight knot in my stomach had lessened slightly. I was feeling a little better now I'd made a plan and told Renee my news.

We searched the internet for properties in Wellington and after an hour I was sure I'd found the perfect one for me. The house was modest but the grounds were beautiful and so was the view of the harbour. I was ecstatic that my offer was accepted and I could move in to my house in six weeks time.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I was grateful when Charlie and Renee flew to Wellington to help me move, Charlie who had hardly said anything since he'd arrived was impressed with my purchase but not so much with my decision to raise a baby on my own.

He waited until we were alone on the deck before he made his views known, "Bella, I have to say that I'm not very happy about you getting pregnant to a man your barely know and who you have no plan to include in your life. It was very irresponsible to get yourself into this situation. However since you have made your decision I want you to know that I'll always be here for you."

"Oh...Thanks Dad and I'm really sorry I disappointed you."

"That's ok sweetheart, I guess I'm pretty chuffed to be getting a grandchild out it." He gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek before going to retrieve another box from the car.

The weekend went by really fast and before I knew it Renee and Charlie were due to fly back to Tauranga. Renee was fuming when she learned she had booked the flights home on the day I was going for my first ultrasound. She cried and begged Charlie to rearrange their flights so she could attend.

"That's not going to be possible Renee you're scheduled to host your book club this afternoon and it's too late to back out now." Renee glowered at Charlie and looked like she was about to argue some more so I intervened.

"Mum I promise as soon as I'm home from the Doctors I'll email you the images they'll be in your inbox by the time you get home I promise. Besides you can't let the book club down, you've been raving about that Twilight vampire book since you got here."

"I know Bella, promise you will read it. I left you a copy on the kitchen table."

"Sure Mum I promise. Now hurry up before you miss your flight." I hugged them tightly and followed them out the door.

I sat nervously in the Doctors waiting room flanked by Rose and Alice, I was torn between almost palpable anticipation and crippling fear at the thought that I was about to see with my own eyes the baby growing inside me.

My heart began to beat double time when I saw my doctor emerge from her office and smile widely at me, "Isabella I will see you now."

Rose held my hand, I followed Alice and the Doctor into the room, the Doctor ushered me onto the bed and asked me to lift my top and expose my stomach.

"According to your records Bella you are twelve weeks along?"

"Yes that's right."

"You look quite a bit further along than that. Let's get started and we can take some measurements and get a more accurate picture."

I watched the television monitor as the Doctor applied the sonar gel to my stomach and positioned the scanner over my abdomen.

I don't admit to knowing the first thing about the inner workings of a woman's womb but even I knew there was something different about the picture on the screen.

"Well Bella I now know why I thought you were further along than twelve weeks. It seems you are having twins, they appear to be fraternal and they both look perfectly healthy. By the measurements you are approx twelve to thirteen weeks along."

"Twins... I'm...having twins?" I stuttered, tears pooled in my eyes and I felt sick. There was no way I was prepared for that.

"Yes that's right Bella." I looked at Alice and Rose in alarm, they both gave me reassuring looks that weren't doing anything to reassure me. My tears spilled down my cheeks and Alice hugged me tightly.

I tried to concentrate on what the Doctor was saying, Rose could obviously see the fear on my face because she squeezed my hand, "its ok Bells, Alice and I are here for you."

I never spoke once we left the Doctors office; shock and fear were overwhelming me. I was in way too deep but I knew it was too late to back out now. Thankfully Rose and Alice left me in peace; both of them knew I needed to come to terms with the fact by myself.

When we arrived back at my apartment I headed straight for the shower I hoped the hot water would might soothe me. I was distracted by Alice calling out through the bathroom door.

"Bell's do you want me to call Renee with the news or do you want to do it?"

I thought about it for a moment and I knew I wasn't going to hold it together long enough to tell Renee.

"You can do it." I continued to stand under the hot water and tried not to think how seriously fucked up my life was while Edward got off lightly again.

I flopped down on the couch and hugged a cushion to my chest, the shower hadn't soothed me and I was still agitated and scared.

Alice must have sensed my spiralling mood because she finally spoke, "are you alright Bells?"

"No not really. How the fuck am I going to raise twins... alone?"

You won't be alone; you'll have me and Rose."

"Not all the time I won't most of the time I will be doing it by myself."

"You'll be fine Bella, try to think positively so you don't get to down in the dumps."

"That's easy for you to say Alice."

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I was out doing some gardening when Jake turned up; I smiled when I saw him walking up the path, "Hey Jake long time no see... why aren't you in class today?"

"I've finished my lectures for the day. So I thought I'd come over and see how you're doing."

"Well come in and I'll make you a coffee."

"Wow Bells I really love your place and the grounds are awesome."

"Yeah well it's going to be a great place to raise children now that I'm going to be a Mother of two."

"What do you mean a Mother of two, are you pregnant?" He looked me over his eyes widening when he reached my rapidly swelling stomach. "Far out you are pregnant."

"Yes... with twins."

"Holy fuck Bella, where's the father?"

"Not in the picture. He lives in Sweden."

"Well don't worry about a thing Bells, I'll look after you." He gave me an earnest look and a huge smile.

"You don't have to do that Jake." I said embarrassed.

"I know I don't but you're my friend and I want to," I gave him a small smile, "I'll be able to help you assemble the baby furniture and paint their rooms and I can be their uncle Jake."

My smile grew when I heard him refer to himself as their Uncle, "I'd really like that Jake."

I went to bed that night feeling way more confident I felt like I could do this with the help of Alice, Rose and Jake by my side.

My main priority now was to avoid running into any of the Cullen's and to get organised in preparation of taking on the most challenging role of my life.

I let my mind drift to thoughts of Edward and my heart throbbed painfully. I wished_ he _was here to take this Journey with me…

* * *

**Edward POV**

The flight was long and uncomfortable despite being in first class. In fact, the only thing that made the flight tolerable was the abundance of alcohol the flirty stewardess kept plying me with. She was brazen in her interest and by no means unattractive, in fact she was fucking gorgeous. She was tall and shapely, with long blond hair and a killer rack. She was your cat-walk model beautiful, but I felt nothing. No attraction, no spark of electricity when our hands accidentally touched, nothing. The only one who held any attraction for me was Bella, and since the stewardess wasn't my Bella, I couldn't bring myself to fuck her in the bathroom like she suggested to me at one point. I told her I was too drunk, and she just shrugged and said maybe next time, before handing me a fresh glass of whiskey, bless her slutty little heart.

We touched down at little after ten pm, and I looked at the weather outside in disgust. I had come from beautiful, sunny New Zealand to cold, rainy France. Fucking perfect.

I spent fifteen minutes in the rain trying to find a damn taxi and then another fifteen trying to explain the address in my out of practice French to the driver. He finally understood and muttered something about foreigners under his breath before pulling away from the curb. I sank back into the seat and looked out the window, Paris was the epitome of my misery at present, and it seemed to be swallowing me whole.

We arrived half an hour later at the penthouse Cullen Industries owned in the 7th Arrondissement, residence of Paris's wealthy and elite. The district certainly threw the fact that it's occupants had money straight at you, and heaven help you if you didn't measure up to their standards. I felt ill at all the pretension around me and I wanted to turn around and go back to Wellington, where it didn't matter how much money you had. The only thing that mattered back home was if you fell into the category of good bastard or bad bastard.

The doorman rushed over to help me with my carry-on bags but I waved him away. I had no forced niceties to offer him, and I would only end up being rude and insulting, so I just walked past him to the elevator with out a second glance. I pressed the button for the penthouse once I was in the little gilded coffin that doubled as an elevator. An irritating little ding rang out before the doors opened to a small hallway with a single door across from me. I unlocked the door with the keys Carlisle had given me and I opened it, flicking on the lights and kicking my bags into the corner.

This was my new home.

The sight of the place had the alcohol I had consumed on the plane wanting to make a reappearance. The place was fucking awful.

It was decorated in lavish reds and gold and all the furniture was genuine antique. It screamed 'Carlisle Cullen' not 'Edward Cullen'.

_A shoebox would have been more fucking homely_ I thought snidely.

I made my way into the lounge and looked out the huge windows, shaking my head in disbelief. I had a view of the Eiffel fucking tower.

Just _perfect_.

I pulled my cell phone out and dialled Esme's number, she had begged me to call her as soon as I arrived and I had promised her I would. Carlisle told me to make sure I got to the office early, so I could make a strong impression on the staff there. Different styles of parenting right there I supposed.

"Hello? Edward?" My mothers excited voice rang out and I smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Hey Mum, I got here." I responded with a tired sigh.

"I know, so when are you coming home? I miss you already you know."

I missed her too.

"Things are going to be pretty busy for a while Mum, I'll try to visit as often as I can but you could always come to France?" I joked, my mother, however, took me completely seriously.

"I'll get onto organising it. I doubt your father will tear himself away from work, but maybe Emmett and Jasper can take some time off and come with me, you know how I hate to travel alone." She began rambling, going through all the things she would need to organise for her trip. I tried to stifle a yawn, jet lag was getting to me.

"Come whenever you want Mum, but right now _I_ better get some sleep before tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too baby, call me soon ok?"

I checked out the rest of the penthouse and it was just as bad as the bits I had seen. If the furniture wasn't all original and older than I was, then I would have fucking thrown everything out and started again.

I made my way over to the bar in the corner of the lounge, because Carlisle would _definitely_ have something in there and it would be something good. I opened the cabinet and my hands trembled when I saw the bottle sitting there.

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! _

My increasing alcoholism squealed like a fan-girl.

Chivas Regal Royal Salute, fifty years old Scotch Whiskey. The stuff went for about ten thousand a bottle and this one had not even been touched, Carlisle must have brought it for a special occasion and since I _knew_ it would not be for my mother since she hated whiskey……

I cracked it open and held it up in a toast.

"Here's to you Carlisle, and your very fine whiskey. Cheers, you overbearing ass-wipe." I took a generous mouthful and it was fucking _divine_, it felt like satin sliding down my throat.

I made my way to the bedroom, there was no way I was sitting on those uncomfortable fucking chairs and drinking something like this. One should be comfortable and _savour_.

The grown-up part of my mind reminded me that I had a meeting at eight o'clock and perhaps drinking this much, no matter the quality, was a very bad idea.

The meeting was a meet and greet of sorts with the staff at the new office and I was dreading it. I was the new boss, walking in after they had pretty much done all the hard work. I was meant to come in and put the official Cullen stamp on everything and take the glory. Since they would probably already despise me for that, I probably _shouldn't_ turn up hung over or still drunk (It was not within the realms of impossibility.).

Three hours later, the bottle was finished and I was completely shit-faced. Several times I grabbed my phone with the intention of calling Bella and declaring my undying love for her and each time, I managed to hang up before the call connected. Thank god, even though I was smashed, I knew that talking to her in this state would not be a good idea.

Images of our night together flashed through my mind each one stronger than the last and I was fucking groaning just thinking about her soft, soft skin and that fucking smell of hers that drove me to insanity. My cock was fucking hard and without thinking about it, I undid my pants and began stroking myself, imaging it was Bella's hand in place of my own.

She became my sexual muse.

_Imagination-Bella's hands gripped my length firmly, a little to firmly and I hissed, a mixture of pleasure and pain._

"_Do you like that baby?" She whispered into my ear, twisting her tongue around the lobe and sucking gently. My breathing hitched as her hand sped up a little, sliding up and down me while I thrust my hips upwards towards her, urgent for more of her. She laughed, sounding so sultry and erotic that I nearly came then and there._

"_You wish you could put this in my tight, hot, little pussy don't you Edward?" _

_Imagination-Bella's dirty little mouth began licking a line from my jaw to my collarbone, and I could smell her everywhere. It was heaven and hell all at the same time, having her here close to me like this, yet knowing it wasn't real._

"_I'm as real as you need me to be baby." her mouth had moved down my body and she was tracing her tongue in gentle little circles on my chest. _

_I wanted her so much, I missed her so fucking much, I was miserable without her._

_I loved her. _

"_I love you too, Edward, I love you so much that I want you to come for me. Right now Edward, come for me…" I thrust up into her hand and came with a fury, my whole body shaking violently with my release. Imagination-Bella kissed me gently on the lips, her breath feathering over my face_

"_Till next time my Edward." She whispered and disappeared, leaving me feeling satisfied yet so empty and alone._

I grabbed some tissues from the bedside table and cleaned myself up, tossing them neatly into the bin despite my drunken state. I sank back into the pillows and succumbed to sleep, visions of my Bella dancing behind my eyelids.

The next morning I woke with the headache to end all headaches and my stomach was turning back flips. It was hard fucking work, but I dragged myself out of bed and showered, before staggering my way out to the kitchen. I was just about to make myself some coffee when a knock came at the door. I didn't know anybody here so I was a little confused as to who the hell it could be. I went to the door and opened it, prepared to give whatever tele-marketer had found their way into the building a piece of my fucking mind. I was fuming.

I opened the door so forcefully it slammed against the wall, revealing a tall strawberry blonde who was looking at me like a piece of meat and she was a stray fucking dog. Just what I need, a hangover _and_ being blatantly eye-fucked at seven in the morning. I just stood there glaring at her, waiting for the vacant bitch to tell me what the fuck it was she wanted.

"You must be Edward Cullen." She practically purred at me. I rolled my eyes

"Very fucking astute of you. What the hell do you want?" I retorted.

She just stood there, her eyes roving hungrily over my body and while she was certainly attractive, at the moment all I wanted to do was vomit and she was taking her sweet fucking time about answering me.

"I'm here to take you to work! I'm Tanya by the way." She said brightly, showing far too many teeth when she smiled. So this was Tanya? Fucking joy.

"So, are you ready? Your father wanted me to help you settle in as much as possible." She said, her eyes never leaving me. Fuck, I felt like I was staring into the eyes of a predator, she looked more than ready to take me down.

_Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella. She's not Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella. She's not Bella._

The familiar ache that took residence in my heart whenever I thought of Bella, flared to life and suddenly the nausea I had been fighting won the battle. Tanya was still going on about Carlisle and some other mindless bullshit, so I rudely cut in.

"Excuse me for a moment." I said and leaned behind the door, throwing up tidily in a rather old and expensive looking umbrella stand.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" Tanya's high pitched voice just compounded on my misery.

"Fucking peachy." I answered while spitting the remains of the whiskey out of my mouth. I knew I was being rude, but I really didn't fucking care.

"Maybe you should call in and stay home for the day. I could take care of you!" She finished clapping her hands together in delight.

_Oh, shoot me now._

"No, I'll be fine." I said and tried to stand up. Another wave hit me and I vomited again. Carlisle's ten thousand dollar bottle of Chivas was now sitting in the bottom of his antique umbrella stand and despite the fact that I had just expelled part of my stomach lining, I smiled. Twice the 'fuck you', Emmett would be proud.

"Are you sure, because you look pretty sick, you know. I'll just call Irina, it will be fine, go lay down and….."

She just didn't _shut up_. My fragile patience snapped.

"Shut up! God, do you ever just fucking _shut up_!" I yelled. I calmed a little before I spoke again "And who the fuck is Irina anyway?"

Tanya flinched back when I yelled at her, but nothing seemed to keep her down for long, as soon as I mentioned Irina, she began another drawn out spiel.

"Irina is your P.A. and my sister! Isn't that great? She's a bit dull, but really clever so I'm sure you two will get on. Because your both clever. Not dull, I wasn't calling you dull."

I pushed her out the door and followed, locking it behind me, she was driving me nuts. We went to the parking garage below the building where Tanya's car was parked. She unlocked and I climbed in, terrified about the car ride ahead. This woman was like listening to fingernails scrape on a chalk board and to top it off, her sister was my P.A. . I hoped the similarities would only be superficial, because if this 'Irina' was as vapid as her sister, I might just hang myself.

"I thought I could come around tonight and bring dinner for you, what time do you think you'll be home?" She asked looking at me while I tried not to jump across the centre console and take the fucking wheel, because she spent more time staring at me than the road.

"Uh, I'm not sure. How about we just go out somewhere? That way I can come and get you when I'm … Fuck watch the road!" I screamed as she narrowly missed another car.

She, of course, didn't seem to have noticed her close call.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm used to these roads! We could go to L'Astrance. I live one floor below you apartment 219, so you can come down once you're ready."

Tanya didn't require an answer it seemed, because she began rattling on about what she would wear that evening. I really didn't care enough to listen.

We arrived at the office alive (I'm not sure how, that woman has no business being behind the wheel of a car.) and I got out, waving off her offer to walk me in.

"I'll pick you up tonight. Thanks Tanya." I added, a little bit of the son Esme raised coming back through the hung-over haze I was in. She was just trying to be friendly after all and I was acting like a jerk.

As soon as I stepped inside I was greeted by the receptionist who told me her name was Kate. She was the spitting image of Tanya, they could've been sisters.

"Felix and Demetri are waiting for you in the conference room sir." She said politely ignoring my stare. Fuck they could be twins.

"That would be where?" I asked a little irritated. I would have thought it was quite apparent I'd need directions.

Apparently not. Maybe her and Tanya shared more similarities than just looks.

"Mr Cullen?" A pleasant voice rang out behind me. I turned to find myself looking at another Tanya doppelganger. I looked back to Kate and then turned to look back at the woman before me. She smiled in amusement at me.

"My name is Irina sir, that is my sister Kate, and I believe my eldest sister Tanya is your neighbour and chauffeur this morning?"

Ah, that made sense, I suppose. I was surrounded by Marcus Denali's daughters, literally fucking everywhere, home and the office.

"Ah, yes she mentioned that you were my new P.A. . I just didn't realise your other sister also worked for Cullen Industries."

She gave me a smirk

"Well, I suppose Kate and I could have worked for our father, but who would want to be under their father's thumb like that?"

She was teasing me for my position at Cullen Industries. It was quite refreshing, she wasn't flirting with me like Tanya and she wasn't ignoring my existence like Kate. Thank god one of the Denali women were normal.

"So how do _you_ enjoy living in the same city as _your father_? Particularly a father like Marcus Denali?" I teased her right back, feeling the most normal I had in a long time.

She laughed at me and began walking, motioning with her head for me to follow.

"You're going to fit right in here Mr Cullen." She said with a quiet snort.

"Call me Edward, please." I said as we came to the end of the corridor and a room clearly labelled 'Conference Room'. Maybe I would have been able to find it on my own.

Irina opened the door to reveal two men arm wrestling on the large conference table. They both had their jackets off, thrown carelessly over the table and their shirt sleeves rolled up past their elbows. They hadn't even noticed our arrival, so involved in their game were they. Irina put a hand up on my chest to stop me, and pulled me back so we were hidden behind a large display screen. She grinned evilly. I looked at her confused and she just mouthed at me to shut up and watch.

Neither of them were slight men, but one clearly out weighed the other and looked like he was about the same build as Emmett. He had short cropped, bright red hair and a pale complexion, and was obviously the stronger of the two. The other man had an olive skin and looked almost Mediterranean. He had shoulder length black hair tied back in a ponytail. He was sweating a bit from the exertion and I had to applaud his tenacity. Irina was struggling to keep her laughs in beside me, and I looked at her confused. Who the hell were these people and why were we standing here? She just punched my arm lightly and motioned for me to keep watching.

Felix seemed to be tiring of the game and he flicked his wrist sharply, slamming the dark haired man's hand down into the table.

"Who's your daddy??" Felix demanded jumping up from his seat and fist punching the air. The dark haired man looked up at him in disgust.

"I'm not going to say it." He said

"Oh, yes you are. You agreed to the terms of the match now follow through! Or I'll tell Irina what a pussy you really are!"

I looked down at Irina who was blushing. I automatically thought of Bella, and the little normalcy I had been experiencing vanished. I missed Bella.

"Fine! You're such a prick, you know that?" The dark haired man broke me out of my thoughts.

"Just say it!" Red haired guy demanded.

"Felix, I am your bitch. Your balls are bigger than mine and your intellect surpasses my own pitiful excuse of such. You're the Daddy of the Office and I am merely your pitiful Office Bitch." Dark haired man said flatly.

Irina's giggles burst forth and Felix looked up and grinned as he saw Irina pulling us both out into view.

"You made your declaration in front of the new boss Demetri! Your place as office bitch is forever cemented!" Felix turned to me with his blinding grin and shook my hand.

"Felix, Head of Finance. Or your glorified accountant, which ever you prefer!"

I laughed, his friendliness infectious. Demetri stood up and moved forward, taking my hand after Felix and shaking it firmly.

"Demetri, Head of Marketing. And I am not the Office Bitch, Felix is just a freak of nature." Felix grinned at him and held his arm up, waggling his fingers

"Rematch, Office Bitch? That's the only way the name will go. You have to _win_ of course…" Felix taunted while I stood there just laughing at the fools. Maybe working here wouldn't be the hell I thought it would.

_Bella._

My mind taunted me, stealing that fleeting little happiness I had been feeling.

"Right, you two goons, sit down so we can get down to business." Irina took charge.

As the meeting progressed I learnt about each department and that I would be working in close proximity to Felix and Demetri hence why they were the only department heads here today. I was happy to hear it, they were good guys and had already managed to get me to agree to go to lunch with them today. It was also clear that Irina was the one that had kept this place running before I came and that she took on responsibility far above her job requirements. I would have to review her salary first thing.

I spent the rest of the morning with Irina, familiarising myself with the office protocols and procedures used in this branch. Tanya called me twice throughout the morning, to see how I was settling in, and when she called for the third time, Irina grabbed the phone and told Kate that I was busy for the rest of the day, so only emergencies should be put through. I smiled at her in gratitude.

"I love my sister Edward, but I know how Tanya can be. You just, be careful with her ok? Once she gets an idea in her head, she becomes quite determined." She said seriously.

I wasn't sure if she was warning me _of_ her sister or to not hurt her sister. Before I could ask her to elaborate, there was a knock at the door and Felix poked his head in.

"Ready to go to lunch?" he asked looking at me. I looked at Irina

"Aren't you coming too?" I had thought the three of them to be quite close. Especially Demetri, I had noticed him casting longing looks at Irina during the meeting.

"Nope, I stay behind to man the fort, but you boys have fun." She said without looking up from the papers she was rifling through.

We ended up at a quaint little café on the corner of the street, and Felix and Demetri talked my ears off. It seems that Felix and Kate were and item, and Demetri thought Kate was a shallow snob just like Tanya. Felix punched him for calling his girlfriend 'shallow' and a 'snob', but apparently agreed on Tanya. Demetri, it was revealed from a gleeful Felix, had a crush on Irina but was too shy to do anything about it, not to mention the office policy of no inter-office relationships. I asked Felix how he and Kate had been able to get away with their relationship, feeling slightly jealous of his success. It turned out that because they were in a relationship _prior_ to their employment, they were in no violation of their contracts. Demetri looked as shattered at this information as I felt, and I felt a strange kind of kinship with him. He knew my pain. When they asked my plans for the night and I told them I had agreed to take Tanya to dinner, they became quiet and gave me the same kind of warning Irina had. What was everyone's deal with Tanya? Ok, she was a little full on, but she wasn't _that _bad. I mean even her own sister seemed anxious when I had spoken of her. I felt a little sorry for Tanya.

Felix and Demetri demanded that I go out and experience the Paris nightlife with them this Friday, and I was given little choice but to agree. If I was truthful, I was looking forward to it. Maybe getting out there and living again would help me move on.

The rest of the day was easy thanks to Irina's careful planning, and I managed to get through all of my work and some of tomorrows. Irina practically only needed me as a rubber stamp, but she did nothing to project that that was what she thought. In fact she seemed quite pleased I was there, telling me that she hoped she'd find an ally in the constant war that seemed to be raging with Felix and Demetri. She blushed a little again when she said Demetri's name and I realised that she felt the same for Demetri that he felt about her. I felt protective over the two of them at that moment, I had been where they were in their story, only mine had ended in heartache.

It was five o'clock and I had just gotten off the phone from Kate, who told me a taxi would arrive in ten minutes to take me home. I would have to get Irina on to getting a car for me, on Carlisle's dime of course.

I was closing down my computer for the day when Felix walked in and handed me the financial projections for the next quarter. They would need to be checked and then faxed to each department.

"I'll get Bella onto that straight away." I said to Felix, who looked at me strangely.

"Who's Bella?" He asked confused. My chest tightened painfully as I realised my gaff. Bella wasn't my P.A. anymore, and never would be again.

Bella was gone.

"Sorry, I'll get Irina onto it." I said trying to keep my voice even. He nodded and left my office, giving me a knowing kind of smile.

I dropped the reports onto my desk once he left and went to go get my fucking taxi. All I wanted to do was go home and find out if there were any other treasures left in Carlisle's liquor cabinet.

But instead I had a dinner date with Tanya Denali, who I hadn't decided quite how I felt about yet.


	5. Out With The Old, In With The New

**A/N: **As always First off thank you to those of you who took the time to review Greenaway and I love reading and sharing your feedback it's the highlight of posting the new chapter :)...Also welcome and thank you to those of you that have added us to your alerts and favourites...

We apologise in the delays in updating the blog, bloody teething problems. We will at some stage be adding a photo gallery which will include all the locations in the story and how to pronounce some of the place names. I would like to personally thank Greenaway who continually battles with the photos for the bio's, I bow down to your patience and perseverance I would have deleted the blog the second thing didn't go my way but there you go...Anyway hang in there we promise to get the blog sorted asap.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at my table...Songs and Music owned by respective artists, Metallica One ,the feelers stand up, Nine inch nails only,

**WARNING: **This story contains adult content and we wish to Advise we have given it **a R18** classification...**Please No minors**....

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**Bella's POV...**

I was five months into my pregnancy and everything was progressing well. I hadn't found out the gender of the twins at my twenty week scan much to Renee, Rose and Alice's disgust; only Charlie and Jake were on my side in opposition to knowing.

Jake had become a firm fixture in my life and he was my tower of strength on my low days. My heart still yearned for Edward and what might have been but I kept my feelings buried deep. Unfortunately I had never got out of the habit of whispering his name into the darkness when I needed a release, something that really frustrated me still.

I was struggling with the upkeep of the grounds and the weeds were getting on top of me and I vowed I wouldn't have a break today until I'd managed to rid my flower beds and vegetable garden of every single weed.

I'd been at it for about an hour when Jake turned up, he smiled when he saw me covered in dirt, "hi bells, how's things going? It looks like you're losing the battle with the weeds."

I sighed in defeat, "I know and it's only going to get worse. I guess I never really thought about what having green space entailed. Anyway enough about me how are you going?"

"Um…I'm ok." I looked up at Jake and I could tell something was bothering him.

"What's up Jake? You don't seem your usual self."

"Ah don't worry Bells its nothing, I'm just having problems at my flat."

"What kind of problems?"

"My flatmates just want to party twenty four seven and I never have a quiet moment to study, there's always a large group of people there and it's frustrating."

"Why don't you move in with me? I've got a four bedroom house the twins will have a room each and I'll have one spare. I can't promise you how quiet it will be once their born, and you'll probably be begging to move back to your flat when they keep you up all night because they won't stop crying, but if you think you can hack it you're more than welcome."

"Hey thanks heap Bells that would be fantastic. When can I move in?"

"Today if you want to,"

"Choice, come on you can help me pack my stuff."

"How much stuff have you got?" I hadn't thought about Jake having furniture and boxes of personal items.

"Not much, only my clothes, bed, books, CD's and stereo. I promise it won't take long, we'll be back in about an hour and a half."

"Let's go then." I abandon the weeds and headed for Jakes classic Volkswagen, it was his pride and joy and he never missed an opportunity to talk about it.

I could see what Jake was talking about when we pulled up outside his flat. A multitude of people flowed from the house and covered nearly the whole of the front lawn. Everybody was drinking and the bass from Metallica's 'one' that was playing on the stereo was vibrating through the house, shaking the windows.

"Jeez Jake I see what you mean. I'm glad I'm not one of the neighbours, I'd be moving out tomorrow."

"Yeah I know, crazy aye."

"Nah, it's just a typical kiwi student flat."

"True." I followed Jake to his room and helped to throw all his possessions into boxes.

We had Jakes stuff packed and in the car within half an hour, we got some of the party goers to help tie Jacob's bed to the roof of the car before we set off.

We decided to stop for groceries on the way home and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Jake like to eat healthily and loved to cook."

"I'm going to cook you the yummiest dinners Bella. My grandma Tui is a mean cook and she taught me everything she knows."

"That sounds nice Jake but you should let me cook for you sometimes."

"Nah Bells, I've tasted your cooking remember and no offence but it sucks."

"Thanks a lot asshole." I punched Jakes arm and he laughed at my feeble outburst of violence. We loaded up the trolley full of fruits, vegetables and a whole lot of spices, half of which I'd never even heard of.

We were waiting in line at the checkout when my eyes drifted toward the magazine rack. My eyes widened and my heart began to race my throat went dry and I trembled slightly when my eyes came to rest on a glossy magazine featuring a man with unmistakable bronzed sex hair, my breath hitched when I saw Edward's piercing green eyes looking out from the cover.

My feet propelled me forward automatically and I snatched a copy of the magazine from the rack, I was aware of Jake watching me curiously so I grabbed a copy of House and Garden and Cuisine magazine as well.

"Hey Bells I didn't know you were into reading Financial quarterly magazine, I thought that rag was for yuppie business men who love themselves too much."

I laughed at Jakes comment, "yeah it is but it has some interesting articles in it."

"Whatever floats your boat Bells, but personally I couldn't think of anything worse to read... but there you go."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I went to have a bath while Jake unpacked his stuff and organised dinner; I took the magazine with Edward on the cover with me and quickly scanned the pages in search of the article.

I couldn't stop the gasp from escaping me when I opened on the page that contained a full page close up of Edward's beautiful face. His sparkling green eyes were fringed with a set of thick black lashes that would rest on his cheeks when his eyes were closed, I stared into his eyes and I was mesmerised at the beauty of them.

I studied his features closely drinking in every detail and committing it to memory. My eyes drifted along his strong line of his jaw bone, his full lips; his straight narrow nose and back to his eyes and the wisp of bronze hair that fell over one eye.

As beautiful as he looked I noticed he looked tired and the lines at the corners of his eyes seemed deeper and he had an air of sadness to him, but he was still as beautiful as I remembered him. I let me mind wander back to that fateful night and I could feel the sensations his touch had evoked in me and before I realised it my hand drifted toward my clit.

I kept my eyes on Edward's photo has I brought myself to orgasm once again whispering his name. I studied the rest of the photos in the shoot, the sight of Edward in a ragged Stoli T shirt that he looked like he'd owned for years had my pulse racing. I looked closer at the picture and laughed loudly when I noticed the shirt had several holes in it that had been sewn up crudely with light blue cotton that clashed horribly with the shirt.

When I'd had my fill of staring at Edward I turned my attention to the article which was about how he'd won the International Business Person of the year award for single handily merging three of the biggest global companies in the world into a single super company under the Cullen name. The article went onto say how he was the youngest ever recipient of the award at the age of thirty five and although he enjoyed living in France he longed for the green grass of home.

I reread it a couple more times before I went back to staring at his picture, my heart throbbed painfully as I gazed upon the face of the man I loved but who I'd never have.

I rubbed my swelling stomach and tried to choke back my sob, "I'm sorry you'll never get to meet your Daddy but I promise to love you enough for the both of us." I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand but more followed. I felt so guilty that I was depriving my babies of a father, but what choice did I have?

I finally dragged myself from the bath when the water got too cold; I rushed to my room and put the magazine in my bedside draw before going in search of Jacob.

"God Bells I thought you'd drowned in the bath, I was about to send out a search party." Jake laughed at my guilty expression as he brought my dinner to the table.

"Sorry about that, I love spending an hour or so in the bath."

"I'll remember that for future reference and start dinner half an hour later. So what are your plans for tomorrow?" Jake took a seat opposite me and picked up his fork.

"I'm going shopping with Alice I'm growing out of my clothes so fast."

"Yeah you're really starting to expand." Jake grinned at me and I rolled my eyes and chucked my napkin at him.

"Thanks Jake, so what you're trying to say is that I'm roughly the size of a whale?"

"God no Bells; don't be ludicrous."

"Sorry, by the way Jake this lamb dish is yum."

"Yeah it's one of Tui's favourites. She is an awesome cook."

"Is she still alive?"

"Yeah she's turning ninety next month, we're having a big celebration on the Marae back home you should come with me."

"That sounds awesome we can go and see Charlie and Renee as well." We ate in silence for a while each of caught up in or own thoughts.

Mine were on Edward and how I longed for him though I didn't want to, my feelings for him weren't diminishing with time if anything they were intensifying, I didn't want to think about Edward anymore so I focused back on the present, "hey Jake I was thinking about painting the twins rooms after dinner, do you want to help?"

"Sure Bells, but don't you want to wait until you know if they're boys or girls?"

"I was thinking of going with emerald green," the colour of Edward's eyes: "and lemon yellow, they're pretty neutral colours and I can always paint them again later to suit their personalities."

"Fair enough,"

We had finished painting both rooms by eleven thirty and I sighed gratefully as I fell onto my bed. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep and dream of Edward.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I spent a good hour trying to find something to wear shopping with Alice and I was close to tears of frustration as the discarded pile of clothes began to mount up.

I finally found an old elastic waisted skirt in the back of the closet and sighed in relief as it expanded around my middle. A top was harder to find due to my now massive breasts, I forced my largest tank top over my head and stretched down over my protruding stomach. It was so tight across my stomach that it accentuated my bulge.

I couldn't stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks as I studied my appearance from every angle in the mirror; there was just no way to hide the fact that I was pregnant while wearing this hideous outfit.

I was still crying an hour later when Alice turned up to get me.

"Bella what's wrong?" Alice rushed to my side and sat on the bed next to me wrapping her tiny arms around me.

I shook off her arms and stood up and showed her my outfit, "it's the only thing I could find that fits me." Fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

"Oh god you poor thing, come on lets go, I promise you Bells I can fix this."

We hurried for the train station and I was out of breath as we hurried onto the platform. I looked around nervously at the sea of faces praying I wouldn't see anyone I knew.

I was just about to turn to Alice when two very familiar faces caught my attention, my heart began to race and my breathing became more rapid, as if they could feel my gaze upon them both Jasper and Emmett looked directly at me.

I was about to go into full panic mode when Alice stood in front of me, partially blocking me from view. I saw recognition flash in both of their eyes before I was swallowed up by the crowd moving forward onto the train.

"Oh fuck…shit…fuck…" I closed my eyes and gripped Alice for support as the train inched forward.

"Bella what is it, is it the babies?" Alice looked at me and I could see the panic in her eyes.

"No it's not the babies, I just saw Emmett and Jazz on the platform and they both saw me, I'm not sure how much of me they saw but they both recognised me."

"Relax Bells if they'd seen you were pregnant I'm pretty sure Emmett would be on the phone to you now demanding to know if you really are."

I was about to smile when my cell phone chimed from my bag, my heart sunk when I saw Emmett's number on the screen. I flipped open the phone and read the message quickly.

_Bells just saw you on the platform, how are you? I haven't seen or heard from you since New Year I thought you'd disappeared off the face of the earth. Do you want to have lunch with us today?_

I let out the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding as relief flooded my body, he hadn't noticed I was pregnant. I quickly typed my response.

_I know I'm sorry Emm I've been really busy, I've moved and I'm just really busy. I hope you're well and Jasper as well._

_Yeah we all good Jazz says hi, do you want to meet up for lunch today? We miss you._

My throat constricted and tears pricked my eyes as I realised how much I missed them too.

_I'm really sorry Emm but I'm really busy today, I promise we'll catch up soon and I miss you and Jazz too xx._

_Bells are you avoiding us because of what happened with fucktard? Because it's not your fault he's a sleazy retard. Any way he's away eating frog's legs and snails at the moment so there's nothing to worry about._

I had to laugh at Emmett tact was never his strong point.

_No I'm not avoiding you I'm just really busy especially for the next few months. I promise I'll keep in touch. Thanks for the lunch offer and sorry again xx._

"Thank god, he never noticed or if he did he never said. That was a close call. I need to hide this pregnancy for as long I can Alice."

"Don't panic bells, I promise you I have clothes that will keep you hidden for a while longer yet."

We made our way up Cuba street and she dragged me into the first clothing store she saw not even bothering to stop and check the name of it, "we'll just go in here to get something for you to wear up the street to where I really want to go. You can't turn up there looking like some hippy chick/bag lady."

"Where is that you really want to go?"

"You'll see when we get there, now go and try these on." She pulled several items off the racks and stuffed them into my arms.

I had to admit I hadn't seen Alice in a clothing chain store since becoming an adult she had petulance for designer anything that's why she had to work so hard to put herself through university, so she could get a high paying job to support her designer clothes addiction.

I watched her pore over the racks of clothing tsking at the poor finish of the garments and the ghastly fabrics they used. But once again she amazed me with her phenomenal fashion skills when she managed to pull together an outfit that was both classic chic and totally hid my baby belly."

"Alice Swan you are wasted in the concrete jungle of commerce you should spread your wings into fashion."

"That plans for later on down the track when I have the resources to fund it. Now let's go we have people waiting for us.

We spent the rest of the day was spent at witchery*, Karen Walker and Trelise Cooper's store's where Alice had pre ordered a whole range of custom made maternity wear that would hide my pregnancy for at least the next two months if I didn't balloon out too much over the next few weeks.

I was not expecting to go full term with the twins; my midwife had warned me most multiple births came early. Today it couldn't come fast enough for me, I was sick of trying to hide it and I knew the real test hadn't even begun yet.

I was happy by the time we left Karen Walkers store loaded up with garment bags. Alice insisted I wear the merino wool pants suit home from the store.

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I had applied for a job at the University marking exam papers and thesis' for the English literature students, it was the perfect job because I could do it from home and I'd be able to carry on after the babies were born.

Jake was turning into the perfect flatmate; he cooked for me every night and kept the lawns mowed and the gardens weed free. I helped him structure his Thesis and made him endless cups of coffee when he had exams to study for.

We went out to dinner and to the movies often and our friendship blossomed. I felt totally at ease with Jake he was always positive and upbeat and he helped to keep me occupied so I didn't spend too much time dwelling on Edward.

The only time I seemed to do that was when I was alone in my bed stroking my pregnant belly or staring at his picture in the magazine and I still whispered his name when I brought myself climax. I lay there and stared at Edward's picture and I wondered if he ever thought about me.

I wondered if he lay in his bed at night and wondered what I was doing, "I doubt it," I muttered, "I'm just a stupid mistake remember."

I don't know why I had trouble remembering those cruel words when I fantasised about Edward. Some part of my brain was having trouble categorizing something that felt so right as wrong or a mistake. But that's how he saw it and the sooner I accepted it the better off I'd be.

I closed my eyes and hoped sleep would take me.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Jake was already up and had breakfast made when I finally dragged myself out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, he smiled at me when I sat down in the chair opposite him.

"How did you sleep honeypuff?"

"Not bad once I finally got comfortable, I'm not going to complain though, I have a feeling it's going to get a whole lot worse."

"You can count on that. But don't stress Bells I'll rub your feet for you tonight."

Jake you don't have to do that."

"I know Bells I want too. Someone needs to look after you since whoever got you in this predicament isn't going to man up and take responsibility."

"Jake I chose to keep the father of my babies out of the picture he doesn't even know I'm pregnant."

"Why not?" I wasn't sure I was ready to answer that question but Jake was looking at me expectantly.

"Because we were never together as a couple and he left the country and I just decided it was better this way."

"Oh…ok then but I'm still going to look after you."

"Jake please you really don't need to do that. You need to concentrate on your studies and not worry about an expectant mum of twins."

"I can do both Bells. Don't you worry about me I got it all figured out."

"What are you going on about Jake?"

Nothing for you worry about, you just concentrate on keeping you and your babies healthy, ok."

"That's my plan Jake, keeping healthy. And thanks for everything; I want you to know that I appreciate every little thing you've done for me."

"You're welcome honeypuff, now hurry up and eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

When Jake left for his lecture I headed for the twins room and sorted through the immense pile of baby clothes and gadgets Alice and Renee had already brought for them. I had enough gear here for two sets of twins. I packed the excess clothes into boxes to drop off at the local charity.

I was just closing the lids on the boxes when Jake arrived home, "Hey honeypuff how was your day?"

"Boring, how was your day?"

"Boring, shall we go to the movies tonight? That vampire love stories on, you know the one? You have the book in the bookcase."

"You mean Twilight? Sure Jake I'm keen to see it and I'm desperate to get out of the house."

I was so glad Jake had taken me to see Twilight not only did I enjoy the movie, I really enjoyed Robert Pattinson portrayal of the lead character. Robert was both drop dead gorgeous and talented.

I had just changed into my Pyjamas and Jake was making a cup of tea when he called out from the kitchen, "Bells did I tell you my grandmothers birthday is scheduled for the end of next month."

"Jeez Jake, I'll be like eight months pregnant by then, I might not even be allowed to fly or the twins might already be here by then."

"Make sure you find out if you can fly, and I reckon you won't have the twins until the following weekend I'm picking the seventh of August that makes you thirty four weeks which sounds about right for twins."

"Jake how on earth do you know about times and dates and that twins are born around thirty four weeks?"

"I've been doing some research. I have to be organised."

"Organised for what?"

"To take you to the hospital when you go into labour silly," My heart swelled and I gave him a huge smile.

"I'm so lucky to have you as a friend Jake." And I was lucky to have found Jake he was fast becoming one of the most important people in my life. He was my best friend.

"I'm the lucky one Bell."

I lay in my bed and stared at my picture of Edward, my heart ached with sadness and longing. I found myself once again wondering if he ever thought about me. I rubbed my stomach and fought back my tears as I waited for sleep to claim me...

* * *

**Edward POV**

Five months later and Irina, Felix, Demetri and I had the office working like a finely tuned machine. Professionally, I knew I had found my place in the world; the four of us were a formidable team and a force to be reckoned with.

I spearheaded the campaign to merge three multi-national companies into one, under Cullen Industries parent company. The merger meant more revenue, new jobs and greater potential for market growth. It was one of the largest corporate moves ever, and we were at the forefront of it all. We were the heroes of the business world and I was its golden child.

Carlisle was ecstatic, congratulating himself at every opportunity for his 'strategic move' of sending me here. Every time he said that, I wanted to reach down the phone and strangle him.

Pompous prick.

Professionally my life was fantastic. It was my personal life where the problems lay.

Bella was still at the forefront of my mind and hardly a moment went by when she didn't pop into my thoughts. I hoped whatever she was doing made her happy.

Tanya and I had become an unofficial sort of couple (though in her mind I think it was as official as a fucking heart attack.) and she was constantly around. Felix and Demetri hated it, they both couldn't stand her and since the three of us had become quite close, they invariably had to end up enduring Tanya's company.

Tanya was tiresome, trying, irritating, ignorant, vacant and every synonym for stupid you could think of. She was, however, convenient. Some days it just hurt too much to be alone, and she filled the void inside me.

Tanya was just, _Tanya_. I had no feelings towards her, other than that desperate need to just have _someone_. She was more than happy to accommodate me, she benefited from our relationship as well. Tanya was girlfriend to Edward Cullen, which meant she would be seen in all the right places, with all the right people, and everyone would know her name. She was _Tanya Denali_, Edward Cullen's girlfriend, and she _loved_ it.

My life outside of work had become a series of voids that made up a very broken man. I _knew_ I was broken, I just didn't know how to _fix_ myself. My life was slipping away from me, the family I had had wanted to fill my house in Wellington gone. In its place were drugs and hard liquor.

Since coming to France it felt like my life was one fucking freefall, and while I could see the bottom, I had yet to hit it. But it was getting closer every day.

*********

I was at work, sitting in my office, trying to find a way to circumvent the 'No Inter-office affairs policy'. Irina and Demetri had grown steadily closer over the last five months, and I was worried if I didn't find a way to get around the policy, one or both could lose their jobs. If it were up to me, I see them _married_ in the fucking office and screw Carlisle, but at the moment, we just weren't there yet. I had hired a lawyer out of my own pocket to go over their contracts and find a loophole. It was safer keeping my enquiries away from Cullen Industries and potential discovery. Not until I had a suitable solution anyway.

I would do anything for Irina, Demetri and Felix, they were my best and only real friends here. Demetri and Felix dragged me out most Friday and Saturday nights and even tolerated Tanya, though I knew they only did so with great effort. Last Saturday night had been one out of the box though…

"_Ditch the slag for tonight Edward. Demetri and I have a little field trip planned." Felix had pushed his way into the penthouse without even knocking. Neither him, Demetri or Irina did anymore, they just came in and made themselves at home._

"_Field trip?" I asked curiously, taking another drag from the joint I was smoking. _

_I fucking loved their little field trips, they always ended with me completely fucking wasted. Getting smashed, be it from alcohol or the drugs, was my new way of life outside of the office. It was the only way to stop hurting for just a little while and I craved those moments of peace. They kept me together._

"_Pass that joint, scrooge, and yes, field trip. But ditch the slag first." Felix said, taking the joint off me and inhaling deeply. _

_I grinned like the stoned fool I was as I answered,_ "_Consider her ditched. Where are we off to?" _

_Felix smirked, handing the joint back to me._

"_Well, there's this little place Demetri and I go sometimes. It's a bit pricey, the entrance fee alone is five grand U.S., and you can only get in with another member. Lucky for you sunshine, Demetri's been a member for about a year now." Felix looked at me and waggled his eyebrows suggestively_

"_Ever been to an Opium Lounge, Fearless leader?"_

_Later that night, I found myself sprawled out on the most comfortable couch I have ever lay on in my **life**, Felix, Demetri and a few other influential people from Paris's corporate world scattered around the room on their own couches._

_It had been a unique experience; you lay down on the couch while a fucking gorgeous, half-naked woman brought a little tray with a lamp in the middle to you. The tray was beautiful, red wood and pearl inlays. The little lamp in the middle had a strange glass chimney, and I spent so long staring at the thing, the woman cleared her throat. She held a pipe up to me which I took, while she burned the opium and I inhaled the smoke. _

_Demetri had told me on the way, that these lounges were the recent fad in Paris, but he was 'vogue' because he had got in before it got all 'mainstream'. He was convinced he had begun the trend._

_I had felt like I was sinking into the couch as the chemicals in the opium reacted with my brain, and nothing hurt anymore. The constant aching, burn I had become accustomed to since that night I walked away from Bella, faded away. Everything was good, I could even **think** about Bella without wanting to tear my heart out and throw it away._

"Edward! I can't believe it!" Irina burst into my office door, shaking me out of my memories, and I looked at her surprised. Irina was a naturally happy person, but this was extreme even for her, she was practically vibrating and reminded me so much of Bella's sister, Alice.

"You won! You won, Edward! I can't believe it! I'm so happy for you!" She threw herself across my desk and wrapped her arms around my neck hugging me and kissing my cheek. I laughed at her

"What in god's name are you talking about Irina? Have you been drinking? Cause if you have I'm kinda offended you started without me." I joked

"Hey, what the hell is this? Edward's with your sister Irina, and even though she _is_ a slag, you should still respect those sisterly boundaries."

Felix teased from the doorway. Irina got off the desk and straightened her skirt which had ridden right up, nearly revealing her panties. Irina was beautiful and had a killer body, but she was my best friend and no more than that. I loved her and I knew she loved me, but her heart belonged to Demetri just as my heart belonged to Bella.

"Dipshit! Edward has won International Business Person of The Year! Not only that, he is the youngest recipient ever! They're holding a big award dinner and Financial Quarterly want him on their next cover! With a full photo spread, and article detailing _the man behind the Mogul_!" Irina gushed on my behalf. I just let my head fall to the desk and groaned.

"Why? Why me?" I said, my voice muffled by the desk.

"What's the problem Edward? It'll be from the merger you brokered." Felix sat down in the chair on the other side of the desk and put his feet up, placing them entirely to close to my head. I sat up and scowled at him.

"First off, get your fucking feet off my desk. Second, _we_ brokered the deal, it was a team effort."

Felix and Irina laughed at me.

"I appreciate that Edward, but we really didn't do anything. You're the one who came up with the plan, you're the one who convinced them to go through with it, we just came along for the ride." Felix smiled at me. Irina came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders

"You deserve this Edward. Be happy and enjoy something good in your life for a change."

I squeezed one of her hands quickly and stood up just as Kate's name lit up on the phone. I picked it up.

"Yes Kate?"

"Tanya's here to see you. She wants to "Congratulate you" she said." Kate said in a bored tone. I could hear Tanya in the background and so could Irina and Felix, who both cringed.

"Rather you than me." Felix said holding up his hands.

"I'd better go and see her." I said, my tone suggesting I wanted otherwise.

Irina looked around comically, like we might be overheard and mock whispered

"Sneak out down the stairs. I'll tell her you're in meetings for the rest of the afternoon."

I hugged her, because I just wasn't in the mood to deal with Tanya's hysteria. I could imagine her frothing at the mouth at the thought of being seen on my arm at the dinner. She would be thinking about what the award meant for _her_.

"I love you Irina." I said kissing the top of her head. She just laughed and pushed me away, punching me in the chest. It actually fucking hurt.

"Fuck, Irina, I'm glad you're not my sister." Felix said looking at her with wide eyes.

Irina didn't normally like to get involved with my relationship with Tanya, she said she didn't want to have to take sides between her sister and her best friend. I understood and respected her wish completely.

So I shared Felix's surprise at her interference now.

"Yeah, well I'm _your_ girlfriend's sister too, so watch your back." She turned to Felix and growled at him.

"Point taken, I shall shut my mouth now." He conceded. Irina turned back to me and began pushing me out the door

"Go, get out of here and go call your Mum. She'll want to know, and tell her I said hi."

"Yeah, say hi to your Mum for me." Felix added.

The three of them had become quite close to my mother via emails and phone conversations, and if I was unavailable when she called, one of them would end up talking to her. For hours sometimes, Felix joked it's lucky she was the head honcho's wife and the bosses Mum or his ass would be in the unemployment line. Felix was pretty full on and he reminded me so much of Emmett. I shuddered to think what kind of trouble those two could find together.

They hadn't met yet and I was in no hurry for the mayhem.

Irina slammed the door shut behind me, and I stared at the door. I had just been kicked out of my own office. I left the building via the stairs and walked to the nearest bar and stayed there, drinking until they closed. I wondered if Bella would have been proud of my accomplishments if she knew. I liked to think she would.

I woke up the next day in my bed, having no idea how I got there. I suspected Felix or Demetri had found me and brought me home. I got out of bed and ignored the dull thump in my head, my hang-overs didn't bother me so much these days, I guess I was just getting used to them. I showered and changed into my favourite Stoli T-shirt that had seen better days. I had had the thing forever and the print was cracking. It had been subjected to my crude stitching in several places with the closest matching cotton I could find at the time. Unfortunately, it didn't _really _match, actually it looked pretty shit, but I didn't care. It was comfy and I liked it.

It was still early and the photo shoot and interview for the damn article were today, with the Awards Dinner tonight. Apparently they really wanted to get this out and onto newsstands. I was hot news it seemed, but I really didn't feel like it.

I looked at the clock. Eight o'clock, plenty of time for a drink and a couple of lines. I sat down at the coffee table and pulled the box with my coke in it from underneath. I did a few lines and then went and poured myself a drink.

It was eleven thirty when Tanya came to hurry me up. She had insisted on coming today, no doubt hoping to get a mention.

When she saw my shirt she had a shit fit.

"Edward that shirt is _awful_! You can't wear that! The _entire_ business world will read this article, you don't want them to see you like this!"

_Yadda, yadda, yadda_. God, she was such a stuck up bitch.

"Fuck off, they said they wanted to see the real Edward Cullen, well here I am, shitty shirt and all." I said standing and attempting a little spin. I lost my balance and fell on my ass, laughing.

I thought it was funny as hell, but Tanya didn't it seemed. Well, maybe you had to be high. Or drunk. Or both.

I'd need some strong coffee before the shoot.

"Are you high Edward?? This is important, it affects _us_ and how we are viewed in society." she nearly screeched.

"Society? What the fuck, are in we in some eighteenth century cheesy romance? Who gives a fuck what those bastards think? I sure as fuck don't." I stood up and swayed on my feet, burping crassly.

"Besides, they all know _you_ anyway." I snorted at her. She smiled, thinking it was complement.

_Oh, baby when will you learn? I am a complete and utter prick when I'm smashed. _I sneered at her.

"When I say they _know you _Tanya, I mean they _know_ _you_. Slutty, social climbing, over-indulged princess that you are. Fuck, for how many of the Paris elite have you spread those pretty thighs for? Perseverance paid off though, didn't it? You held out and look what you got." I swept my hand up and down in front of me, gesturing to my self

"You got the 'International Business Person' of the year. Youngest recipient ever no less. You hooked those claws in well darling. Mummy would be proud." I said cruelly.

Tanya looked at me in a mixture of fury and hurt, and since the hurt made me feel guilty, I concentrated on the fury. That I could retaliate against.

"No snide comeback baby? Or are you just going to play the silent martyr?" I stumbled my way over to her, pushing her against the door, and kissing her neck.

"_You need me baby?" Imagination-Bella asked sweetly. I sighed in relief. Bella. It was always her and always would be. _

_I always need you Bella, you know that. You are my life, no matter where you are._

"_I know baby, I know. Now close your eyes and let me take care of you." Bella crooned in my ear._

We fucked against the door, our banging knocking a few pictures to the floor and shattering them. I laughed as I realized I literally _fucked_ Carlisle's art.

_Take that dick head. _

I heard a woman's voice call out my name, but it sounded wrong.

_Bella? _

_Bella smiled at me. "I love you." She breathed over me, intoxicating me with her scent. _

I moaned as I spilled myself inside her, kissing her gently as I pulled out. I looked into her face and nearly fucking screamed when I saw Tanya smirking up at me. I swallowed back a mouthful of vomit, as I realised what had just happened.

It was always like this for me, the come-down from my Imagination-Induced-Bella-Highs.

It was worse than the fucking comedown from coke.

*************

Tanya loved every minute of the photo shoot and wouldn't shut up during the interview, so the interviewer finally asked her if she would leave the room for the last half. He had looked at me nervously as though I might object or be offended. I snorted and shook my head to myself, I couldn't care a less what Tanya did.

Later at the Awards Dinner, Tanya really came out to shine, she was the perfect arm candy, looking stunning in her low cut Valentino dress. The only problem was when she opened her mouth, she would say something utterly stupid, halting the whole conversation as no one knew what to say or where to look. I'd just take another drink and ignore her, carrying on as if she hadn't spoken.

I dropped her off afterwards at her apartment before proceeding to the penthouse. Tanya had wanted to come up but I was not in the mood for a repeat of earlier. My imagination could only stretch so far.

I had a shower, bringing myself to orgasm and relieving some of my stress, Bella's face dancing behind my closed eyes. I finished up my shower and made my way to bed, falling into a restless sleep.

* * *

I took some time off at Irina's insistence.

It was good; I had avoided Tanya for the most part, spending as little time as possible with her. Otherwise, I just drank.

A lot.

I was sitting there in my lounge, smoking a joint and watching a very familiar song on MTV.

_I'm becoming less defined as days go by  
Fading away  
And well you might say  
I'm losing focus  
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself_

Fuck, Nine Inch Nails, I hadn't heard them in awhile. I turned up the volume and sat back, marvelling at how even the office scene in the video matched my situation perfectly. I clicked the record button, so I could listen again afterwards, I fucking loved Nine Inch Nails.

_Less concerned about fitting into the world  
Your world that is  
Cause it doesn't really matter anymore  
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)  
No it doesn't really matter anymore  
None of this really matters anymore_

No, fitting in was more Tanya's priority than mine. She never went anywhere without at least two hours spent in front of a mirror. I missed the kind of girl who would dance around the office to that little bubblehead Britney Spears as if she were the only one in world. Tanya was high-maintenance where as Bella was just herself, and I found that far more sexy.

_Yes I am alone but then again I always was  
As far back as I can tell  
I think maybe it's because  
Because you were never really real to begin with  
I just made you up to hurt myself_

I finished the joint and picked up my scotch, nodding along to the music when my phone rang and Emmett's name popped up on the screen. I smiled and answered

"Hey bro!... How's things?" I asked feeling a lot more cheerful.

"Edward, good to talk to you man. Yeah, I'm sweet as. How's France and uh, 'what's her name again'?"

I rolled my eyes; he knew her name was Tanya.

"Tanya Emmett and she's fine. So what's up with the call? It must be late over there. Or early."

I could hear Emmett shuffling around and I heard Jasper whisper, 'Just fucking tell him Emmett!'

"Tell me what Emm? What's wrong? Has something happened to Mum?" I asked sitting forward a little anxious. Fucking weed was spooking me.

"Settle down bro, I see that stick is still firmly up your ass fucktard. No, Mum's fine, looking forward to coming to see you, we all are." He finished quietly.

"I miss you guys too." I said simply.

"Yeah, alright don't go all soft on me. Listen, the reason I called is…. . Jesus, I mean I know you're with 'what's her name'…"

"Tanya." I interjected impatiently. I wished he'd get to the fucking point, I was getting pretty fucking nervous and the weed wasn't helping the paranoia.

"Yeah: her. Well, I know you're with _Tanya_ now, and maybe you won't want to know this but… I saw Bella."

My breathing stopped and my whole world ground to a halt. I could hear a strange roaring noise in my ears.

"Edward? You there man? Hell, I'm sorry bro, I wasn't sure if you would want to know or not, then Jazz the idiot, told me I should call you and tell you."

I heard a scuffle on the other end of the line and Jasper cursing out Emmett for calling him an idiot, but didn't pay much attention. All I could focus on was that he had seen Bella.

_My_ Bella.

I heard the front door open, and Tanya's shrill voice call out in greeting.

The image of Bella in my head shattered at Tanya's voice.

"Uh, no that's great Emm. I hope she's doing well, tell her I said hello when you see her next." I said keeping my voice even. Inside my head it was chaos. Tanya was now standing in front of me with her hands on her hips and a frown on her face. I didn't want to talk about Bella in front of Tanya, it felt so wrong somehow, like it would taint my memories of Bella.

"Yeah, _if_ I do. I think she's avoiding me. Which I blame you for by the way. Thanks for costing me my best friend."

"Hey, who is it?" Tanya asked nosily. Emmett spoke before I could

"Oh, fuck is that 'what's she called'? I'll talk to you later bro. Take it easy ok? We'll be there soon and then we'll sort this shit out ok? Me and Jazz got your back."

"There's nothing to sort out Emm. I'm fine, look I got to go, talk to you later ok?" I said, as Tanya continued to scrutinize me. Sometimes she could be super intense and it made me a little nervous.

"Ok Edward, bye," Emmett said and I hung up the phone, looking at Tanya angrily.

"It was fucking Emmett! Is that alright? Tell me though, how is it any of your business who I talk to Tanya?"

Her jaw clenched before she plastered a smile on her face.

"I'll refill your drink shall I?" She purred, leaning over me so I had a perfect view of her cleavage.

I just closed my eyes; I really didn't want to see it.

I turned up the volume on the television and looked around her, watching the digital image of Trent throw himself at the glass.

_Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be_  
_And I can see things I know I really shouldn't see  
And now I know why, now, now, now I know why  
Things aren't as pretty  
On the inside_

I sculled the drink Tanya had poured me back and motioned for another.

Things certainly weren't pretty on the inside...


	6. Friends and Family

**A/N: As per usual we would like to start off by saying thank you to those of you who took the time to review. Greenaway and I are so happy how strongly you already feel about the characters in this story and how spirited your reviews are. Please keep your feedback coming it truly is the highlight of our week....I know you're all desperate to have Bella and Edward back in the same country just a couple more chapters to go before that happy occasion so just hang in there a little bit longer :) **

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns twilight. Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own an angel at my table, the Herbs own sensitive to a smile,**

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**CHAPTER 6: **** Friends and Family **

**Bella POV**

I was excited not only to be seeing Charlie and Renee again but by the prospect of meeting Jake's beloved grandmother Tui and spending some time on the Marae. Jake could barely contain his excitement as we ferried down the runway. He spent the first half an hour of the trip telling me all about the various members of his extended family.

I spent the next half an hour telling him about the slightly eccentric Renee and the firm but fair Charlie and I was pleased to realise we were already making our descent into Tauranga airport.

Renee squealed when she saw me and pulled me into his arms, "Oh Bella you look absolutely beautiful, you're positively glowing."

"Um…I'm not sure about glowing mum. I think it's the sweat that's making my skin look shiny and I'm as big as a whale though I guess whales are beautiful."

"Bella you are so absurd." Renee released me from her hug so Charlie could take his turn.

"How are you my little Belly Bear?" Charlie laughed as I rolled my eyes at his use of my childhood nickname.

"I'm good Dad; I'm still hanging in there."

"So still no contact with the father then?" I sighed deeply and tried to keep my anger at bay, Charlie had asked me the same question every time he had spoken to me.

"No Dad and I'm not planning to either. You need to let it go and accept my decision for both of our sakes."

"Sorry Bella, it just really annoys me, a father should take responsibility for their children."

"Dad we've been over this a billion and one times already, he doesn't even know he's going to be a father. Any way Charlie, Renee this is my good mate Jake."

Jake stepped forward to shake Charlie's hand, "It's nice to meet you Charlie."

"Nice to meet you to Jake and thanks for taking care of Bella for us it's nice to know she has a man around the house." I groaned and shook my head. Jake laughed at my response.

Renee stepped forward and took Jakes hand, "let it go Charlie... Jake it's so lovely to meet you and I must say you are a good looking young man."

"Oh…um…Thanks Renee you're pretty hot yourself." Jake blushed giving his coffee coloured skin a pinkish hue.

"Oh Jake… you're such a charmer. I can see why Bella likes you so much," Renee giggled girlishly. I shook my head and shot Jake an apologetic look and a smile.

"Ok Renee, settle down." Charlie grabbed her hand and led her from the terminal Jake grabbed our luggage and followed me out the door.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Charlie insisted we drive Jake out to the Marae where his family was gathering for the festivities.

Jake introduced us to his various cousins, but we stopped for quite a long chat to his two favourite cousins Quil and Embry, who were really good looking it seemed to run in Jakes family , before moving on to his Aunts and Uncles then taking us into the meeting house where we met his grandmother Tui and his dad Billy.

Charlie and Billy hit it off straight away and by the time we were leaving they were chatting like old friends and Billy was inviting them to Tui's party and Charlie was inviting him and Jake for dinner at our place tonight.

"We'll see you and Jacob around seven o'clock Billy, the All Blacks are playing France tonight, I hope you'll stay and watch the game." My heart clenched painfully when Charlie mentioned France.

"Wouldn't miss it for anything, I love it when New Zealand beats France at rugby."

"Yeah well it would be nice to beat them when it counts for once." I laughed at Charlie's scowling face, I knew he was thinking back to the last rugby world cup when France shockingly knocked New Zealand out in the quarter finals.

"You said it." Charlie nodded his head in agreement.

"Ok people it's time to let it go it happened in two thousand and seven for god sake let's leave it in the past." I couldn't help but laugh at Renee when she sighed in frustration, she'd spent the last two years listening to Charlie's rugby world cup laments and rants it had worn her down.

It was a quiet ride back to Renee and Charlie's apartment and I suddenly felt exhausted and was desperate to have a lie down before dinner.

I asked Renee to wake me just before Jake was due and retreated to their spare room.

Dinner was a happy affair Charlie and Billy talked nonstop and found they had many more things in common than a hatred for the French rugby team, while Renee asked Jake endless questions about his studies.

I felt a bit sorry for Jake who I had to say was holding up well under Renee's constant barrage of questions and as soon as she paused for a breath I quickly jumped in.

"Should we go for walk on the beach Renee? Jake and I want to get our fill of the clean salty air before we have to head back to the city." Jake grinned at me and I gave him a covert wink as Renee went to get her jacket from the closet.

I'd only just made it down the lift and across the road and I was totally out of breath and needed to sit down. I headed for the first picnic table off the boardwalk and sat down with a sigh.

Jake headed straight for my side giving me a concerned look as he sat down, "Are you alright Bells, can I get you anything, would you rather just sit here and watch the ocean instead of walking? Or we could just head back up to the apartment."

"It's cool Jake I think I'll just sit here for a few minutes then I'll be good to walk."

"If you're sure Bells?" Jake was looking at me concern was clear on his features.

I couldn't help but laugh at him, "Jacob Tuihana Black would you stop fussing, I'm fine truly."

Jake laughed to, "I am aren't I sorry about that."

"You don't need to apologise and you don't need to worry about me so much."

"Don't be silly Bells, course I gotta worry about you, you're my Bud."

I noticed Renee was watching Jake closely as he fussed over me, she stayed silent but I knew it was only a matter of time before she let her views be known.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

After I'd said good night to Billy and Jake I headed for the deck to watch the moon rise over the dark ocean, I called out goodnight to Charlie and waited for Renee to join me outside.

"It's a lovely night Bella." She said as she took a seat next to me on the love seat and grabbed hold of my hand.

"It is Mum, you're lucky to live in such a beautiful part of the country. I love the pure smell of the salt air. Though Wellington has it to its nowhere near as consentrated there as it was here." I stroked my hands over my swollen stomach and immediately stopped when I got a healthy kick in the stomach, "Jesus, one of those kids has got a kick on it." I grumbled as I got another boot.

Renee chuckled, "You used to do the same to me, I spent months moaning to Charlie I swore you going to be a boy with the kick you had...Bella you do realise Jacob's in love with you don't you?" I looked at Renee in shock this is obviously the conclusion she'd drawn from watching us earlier.

"No he's not Mum, Jakes just my mate."

"He might just be your mate Bella, but he's a mate who's in love with you and I think you are in love with him... and two are a very good match."

"Mum Jakes eighteen years old and just starting out in life, I'm twenty eight and about to become the sole parent of twins. Regardless of whether Jake is a good match for me I'm damaged goods and he's just a kid with the whole world at his feet. And while I do love Jacob I'm not in love with him."

"You are not damaged goods sweetie and Does he know that you're not in love with him?"

"Yes he does." I said a little sharply, I didn't want to talk about being with Jake when my heart still yearned for the father of my babies. I stroked my stomach again this time ignoring the kick and just enjoying the feeling of Edward and my children alive inside me.

"Ok Bells it's your life sweetie. Just be careful with Jake he's a nice guy who could get badly hurt."

"I'm well aware of that Mum. That's why I'm keeping it strictly platonic."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I woke early after a restless sleep, not only was it nearly impossible to get comfortable but I also had a disturbing dream about Jacob and Edward who were about to go into a battle to the death over me.

Though I was happy to see that Edward actually wanted to fight for me for a change I wanted him to fight his Father not my best friend and tower of strength.

The thought of Edward fighting with Jake sent a violent shiver through me. Jake was my best friend, he had been there for me pretty much every step of the way he balanced out the grey days I'd had since Edward left just nicely.

Then I realised I was being silly again there was no way Edward would fight for a girl he labelled a mistake.

I rolled out of bed and waddled onto the deck to watch the breaking dawn. There was nothing more beautiful than to watch the sunrise over the water, the way the sky turned from inky blue to grey then streaked with pink and gold as the huge fiery ball appeared on the horizon.

I spent the day with Renee and Charlie on the deck; I wanted to stay off my swollen feet so that I could enjoy the festivities with Jake and his family later in the day.

Charlie seemed to be thinking along the same lines because he put down his paper and looked at Renee, "I think I'll forego my walk today Renee from what Billy says his family enjoy a late night when they're gathered together. It sounds like it's going to be a good night. I really like Billy and Jacob they're good dependable people who value family. You're lucky Bella to have a guy like Jake he's a nice young man who seems very mature for his age."

"I know I'm lucky to have a _friend_ like Jake and he is very mature for his age but you need to stop right there Dad. Like I told Mum last night Jacob deserves to have a partner that isn't pregnant with another man's children. I've made my decision Dad and I'm happy to raise my children alone."

"It's not right Bella," I could tell Charlie was trying hard not to glower at me or raise his voice. Unfortunately due to my lack of sleep my patience was worn out.

"Maybe not in your day Dad and I understand where you're coming from honestly I do but this the twenty first century. There are plenty of women who choose to go it alone and I admire them for that and there are plenty of variations of what constitutes a family these days."

"Humph…I can see nothing I say is going to make the slightest difference." Charlie grumbled.

"It's not Dad, I'm glad we've finally cleared that up, now could you please be a sweetie and fill the foot spa for me I need to try and reduce the size of my ankles or kankles would be a better description of them."

His scowl turned to a smile and he chortled, "Fine would you like some peppermint oil in the water?"

"Yes thanks Dad that would be great." Renee giggled as she watched Charlie retreat through the door.

"Good on you Bella, I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns and don't worry about Charlie he'll get over it."

"I hope so Mum because he's driving me mad." Renee's tinkling laugh swirled around on the breeze carrying into the house.

"What's so funny Renee?" Charlie appeared with the foot spa and placed it at my feet.

"Oh nothing Charlie, Bella was just being silly."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

We arrived at the Maketu Marae just after seven and the party was in full swing, Charlie made a bee line for Billy as Renee and I joined Jacob, Quil, Embry and Tui by the bonfire. Embrey was strumming on a guitar while Jake and Quil serenaded her.

Tui smiled warmly when she saw me, "Kia Ora Bella, Renee thank you so much for joining me this evening." I studied her weathered features. She had a deeply line face that told of a life lived. Her lips were tattooed black and the Moko that travelled from bottom lip to her chin told its own story.

"Thank you for inviting us Tui we feel extremely honoured to be here this evening." Renee smiled at the wizened woman as Tui took hold of her hand.

"Hey Bells they're about to bring up the Hangi do you want to go and watch?" Jakes teeth gleamed in the fire light as he flashed me a brilliant smile. Quil punched him on the arm for no apparent reason and Embry mussed his hair, "bugger off you two," Jake hissed not loud enough for Tui to hear.

Quil and Embry laughed and I thought I'd save Jakes butt, "Sure Jake, lead the way." He grabbed my hand, giving me an appreciative smile and led me into the gathering darkness. I loved twilight as much as the sun set behind the hills. Quil and Embry followed laughing and joking and fighting with each other.

I watched in awe as Jake and his relatives dug the baskets of steaming food from the earth. I followed them into the kitchen and was surprised to find Renee was in there with gloves on and a carving knife at the ready.

My mouth was suddenly watering and my stomach growled as I watched Jake cutting the cheese cloth from the steaming pork, mutton and chicken, Renee helped serve the piles of pumpkin, kumara and potatoes.

The food had the most delicious smoky aroma that I knew would be present in the taste of the food. Jake and I quickly loaded up our plates full of the food and headed for the dining room; we quickly spotted Billy and Charlie and made our way over.

"Hi Bella you're just in time, Billy was about to me a little about his ancestors connection to the lands and sea and also about the terrible land wars fought by the between the Maori and the British settlers.

I barely noticed when Jake refilled our plates with food I was as engrossed in Billy's stories as Charlie was. When Billy was finished entertaining us we made our way out to the bonfire where the blue green flames leapt higher into the air and a crowd had gathered all listening to Tui's stories of growing up in New Zealand.

Jake and I sat next to Tui while she recounted some of the more important events she remembered over nearly a century of being alive.

I could tell Jake was close to Tui by the way he kept a firm grasp on her hand and listened attentively to stories he'd probably heard a hundred thousand times already and the way she looked at him with obvious pride on her face.

I was completely enchanted with the Marae and Jakes family and I was reluctant to leave when Charlie came to find me to tell me it was time to go.

"You need to go home and get some sleep Bells we're flying home tomorrow." Jake leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Yeah I suppose. Thanks for tonight Jake it was such a magical night."

"You're welcome Bells."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Though it was nice to see Charlie and Renee I was glad to be home, Jake set about weeding the gardens and mowing the lawn while I soaked my kankles and listened to my IPod.

I had managed to avoid another face to face meeting with Emm and Jazz in the airport when Jacob's need for chewing gum had us changing direction before either of them saw me.

Jake followed me into the house and headed for the shower before cooking me dinner and massaging my swollen feet. I groaned in relief as he kneaded my foot with his knuckles.

"Hang in there Bells you'll be having those Babies tomorrow."

"I doubt it Jake the doctor says they won't arrive until at least next week."

"Bells I'll guarantee you'll have them tomorrow." Jake spoke with such conviction in his voice I found it hard to doubt him.

"Well if that's the case I better get to bed and get some rest."

"I've put your hospital bag by the front door, the car's full of petrol and my cell phone is fully charged so there's nothing to worry about Bells every things organised.

Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat, I was truly blessed to have Jake in my life…

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**Edwards POV.......**

Tanya and I sat across from each other at the best table in the restaurant. She was sipping delicately at her white wine while I was busy chugging back my god knows how many drink of the night. I didn't need to bother ordering anymore, the wait staff kept an eye on my drink and always had a replacement ready for me.

I could tell Tanya had something on her mind, and Tanya being Tanya, I probably wouldn't like it. Well, I wasn't going to provoke the conversation so if she wanted to talk she could start.

I didn't have to wait long.

"Edward what are your goals in life? What do you want for your future?" She asked

_Bella. She's what I want, she's everything, all my goals and dreams rolled into one. _

But of course I couldn't say that. So I ridiculed Tanya instead.

"What the fuck kind of question is that Tanya? You're asking me what my goals are? That is fucking hilarious right there." I said laughing into my glass.

"I have goals Edward." She replied a little insulted I think.

"Oh really? What's Daddy's little Princess's big bold dreams then?" I laughed a little too loudly.

"You know Edward, you come from a wealthy family yourself, in fact the Denali fortune is nothing to the Cullen fortune." She threw back at me, and it pissed me off because I knew she was right. If she was a spoilt princess, I was her male counterpart.

"Enlighten me then, what is the point of your ridiculous question? Because you are cutting into my drinking time here." I looked down at said drink and frowned. It was empty. I scanned the room for the waitress and saw her talking to what looked like her supervisor. They both caught my eye and what I assumed was the supervisor walked over.

"Sir, I must ask you to keep your voice down you're disturbing the other patrons." The cocky supervisor said.

I didn't respond, Peter, the owner, had just walked out and caught my eye. We played golf together on occasion and generally got on well. He saw me and smiled then frowned when he saw the supervisor standing beside our table.

"Edward!" He said coming over. The supervisor jumped in surprise and turned to Peter.

"Peter." I said standing and shaking his hand. The supervisor looked between us nervously, and Peter frowned at him

"Tell me that you haven't been harassing Mr Cullen and Miss Denali."

The supervisors eyes widened in recognition at my name and he looked utterly terrified. I put my hand up and stopped Peter.

"No, it was my fault Pete, I was being to loud. My apologies." I said to the supervisor who nodded and looked at Peter for permission to leave. Peter motioned for him to leave and looked at me

"Sorry about that Edward, good staff is hard to find these days... Why is your glass empty? I'll get someone on that, and hey, see you at golf this Sunday?"

I smiled "Sure thing Pete. I'll call you Sunday."

He nodded his goodbyes to Tanya and myself and I sat back down. Instantly there was another drink on the table for me and I picked it up downing half in the first go.

"Edward, this is important. I need to know we are on the same page as far as this relationship is concerned. If we don't want the same things we are just wasting our time."

I studied her face. She was playing a game, that I could tell, I was just in the dark as to what the stakes were. She was definately up to something.

"So you're saying that would be it? We'd be over?" I called her bluff. There was no way in hell she'd walk away from me, not the Tanya I knew.

"That's what I'm saying." She said confidently, but the fear was still in her eyes. Maybe there was another Tanya I didn't know.

"Well what is it then?" I snapped getting impatient, and finishing the rest of my drink.

The staff must have had a rocket put up there assess because the drinks were flying fast towards me.

"I want a family one day, a family of my own. I want the husband and the children and if that's not something you would want then I need to know now."

I had just taken a mouthful of whiskey and I choked on it. Tanya wanted a family? Tanya Denali? What the hell?

"You, you want a f-family?" I stuttered, coughing from the whiskey. She looked at me and I thought I saw a look of triumph cross her face for a moment.

"Yes and I need to know if that's what you want." She said almost gleefully. I didn't understand her reasons behind it, my mind was going through a million scenarios all at once.

Yes, I wanted a family but I wanted one with Bella.

_But you can't have Bella, and from what Emmett said, it sounds like Bella wants to cut ALL the Cullens from her life. _

So I was left with two possible options.

One, I could continue drinking and medicating myself to an early death, thereby causing my mother and brothers hurt and pain. I didn't care if it would hurt my father or not.

Speaking of my father, he was acting very strange lately, always asking about Tanya and commenting on what a good family the Denali's were. I was suspicious of him, but had nothing concrete to go on.

_What's the second option? I think Tanya's kind of waiting for you to say something._ Even the voice in my head was slurring.

My second option was to settle for second best and move on without Bella. I knew she would never be gone completely. There was no way I could live without her in my life somehow, even if it was only in my head.

I could move forward and fill my home with the family I built it in mind of, I could avoid hurting my mother and brothers, the family I _did_ have.

I could survive.

I knew that was the best I could hope for now, learning ways to cope without Bella in my life.

I took a deep staggering breath and made my decision.

"I've always wanted a family too." I said quietly. I didn't look up so I missed Tanya's satisfied smirk, I was lost in turmoil.

_I'm so sorry Bella, please forgive me for moving on. I love you and I always will, you own my heart, no matter where you are it is in your care._

_But if I don't try to move forward I will ending up rotting and I can't leave my family like that. Please forgive me and even if it's only in my memories, please don't leave me. _

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Tanya moved in and Felix and Demetri declared they wanted to have me committed. Even Irina raised her eyebrows and asked me if I was sure. I was, I had made my decision to move on and I was doing my best to honour it.

I cut back on the drinking, which meant I was still drinking far more than everybody else, but it was a huge reduction for me. I stopped going to the Opium Lounge and Felix and Demetri started to call Tanya 'Yoko'. I cut out pretty much all drugs other than good old straight weed and a few lines every now and then. Maybe the occasional ecstasy, but they were few and far between.

I really was putting all my effort in to moving on with my life, which is why when Tanya had suggested we move in together, I hadn't told her no.

My family were coming to visit soon and I was thrilled about seeing them again. Tanya just wanted to make sure they weren't going to want the penthouse while they were here. It took all I had to bite back the scathing remark on the tip of my tongue but I did.

I was trying not to lose my temper at Tanya so much, and I was sure my blood pressure was through the roof. When Tanya got too much, I would go out to the balcony and close my eyes, and think of my Bella. She always calmed me down, but she was a doubled edged sword, the memories hurt as much as they pleased me.

Yes, Bella still lived with me in my thoughts and all I could do was hope the ache that accompanied her would dissipate with time.

Imagination-Bella was still my sexual muse and the only way I could get aroused where Tanya was concerned.

Which is where I found myself tonight, Imagination-Bella had me spiralling towards an earth shattering orgasm, as she whispered the most incredibly fucking dirty things I had ever heard, in my ear. My balls tightened as I came with a violent shudder.

"Oh, fuck yes Bella!" I yelled

Tanya stilled under me immediately

"Who's Bella?" She hissed.

_Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit, oh fuck! Bella? Really? _

I was screwed. So fucking screwed. Screaming another chicks name while fucking her? Bad form, real fucking bad.

Tanya was looking at me with narrowed eyes, and the longer I took to respond the angrier she got.

"Edward? Who the fuck is Bella?"

"Bella? What the fuck are you talking about Tanya?" Tread carefully, I knew I had to tread very fucking carefully to pull this off.

"I'm talking about you screaming another woman's name while you have your dick inside me! That's what I'm fucking talking about Edward!" She was nearing hysterical, it was time to act my ass off

"Bella? I said Hell Ahhhhh." I looked at her like she was crazy. I was the crazy one. It was a lame excuse, but I was going to fucking stick to it like a drowning man.

"It sounded like Bella." She looked at me suspiciously.

"It was Hell Ahhh."

"Are you sure? It really sounded like Bella." She was falling for it. Thank fuck.

"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know what I said. I don't even know a fucking Bella" I felt sick denying Bella like that, and I wanted to tell Tanya, that yes, I knew a Bella.

I loved a Bella, I imagined that she was Bella while I fucked her, that's why I insisted on the lights out. That's why I made her wear that cinnamon perfume and that's the only reason I could manage to fucking come when I was with her. It was all Bella, it always had been and always would be. I would spend the rest of my life with Tanya taking every opportunity I could to fantasise that it was Bella I was with.

I realised this was completely unhealthy and utterly fucked up, but it was the only way I was going to be able to have some semblance of a normal life.

"Oh. Well come back down here then, lets see if we can go for seconds." she purred revoltingly in my ear. I had to suppress a disgusted shudder.

"I'm actually pretty tired Tanya, and I have to go into the office early so I should really get some sleep. Uh, I probably will be home late too, I wouldn't bother waiting up."

There was no way I was going to be able get through round two with Tanya, my imagination was exhausted.

I rolled off her and turned to my side so my back was facing her. I knew I was being a prick and she really didn't deserve to spend the rest of her life with a man who didn't love her, but I was selfish. I wanted to move on from Bella, the way she would have moved on from me, I wanted the family and the stupid fucking dog and car seats and nappy bags, I wanted a fucking life.

I was going to ask Tanya to marry me.

I wanted it to be Bella.

Tanya was going to carry my children.

I wanted it to be Bella who carried my children and only Bella. I wanted little bronze haired, brown eyed babies and brown haired, green eyed babies.

Tanya was a substitute and a poor one at that, but I had to move forward. I couldn't spend my life pining for someone I couldn't have and who probably wouldn't want me anyway.

I was settling for Tanya. I had brought the ring and when my family came to visit I would propose to her. I knew Emmett and Jasper wouldn't approve and I doubted my mother would either, but at least Carlisle would be pleased.

I hadn't changed at all, I was still under his thumb.

I felt sick. 


	7. A Moment of Weakness

**A/N: As always big ups to those who took the time to review please keep them coming it's our motivation. Also thank you to those who added us to your alerts and favourites..xx...I would also like to take the time to thank Greenaway for all her hard work :)...**

**Greenaway's Interjection: And thanks to Cinnamon who put up with my appalling lack of courtesy (texts that I was unable to respond to and very late emails) and surly behavior with the craziness that has been my life lately. Sorry chickee and thanks for all your patience.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at My Table. Anika Moa 'dreams in my head. Owl City own Vanilla Twilight. The Cherry Poppin Daddies own Zoot Suit Riot (kick ass song by the way, you people need to go you tube that straight away! LOL)**

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**Edward POV**

I was waiting at the airport for my mother and brothers to arrive and I was nervous and excited. Excited to be seeing them again, nervous because I would be proposing to Tanya and I was sure their reactions would not be positive ones.

"Edward! There's my baby boy!" I heard my mother screech from the other side of the airport and begin hurtling towards me at lightening speed, throwing herself into my waiting arms. I picked her up in a hug and spun her around as she laughed. I put her down finally, but she wouldn't let me go.

"Aw, come on Mum, people are looking at us now." I teased. She just smiled at me, a beautiful, genuine smile that made my cold heart thaw a little.

"Let them look, I have my son back and I'm not letting go now. You have no idea how much I've missed you Edward." She said, her eyes welling up. I gave her a quick one armed hug before Emmett and Jasper caught up.

"Geez Mum, it's only fucktard!" Emmett said.

"Emmett!" She chastised. Emmett grinned guiltily

"Sorry Mum."

Jasper shook my hand, grinning and while we gave each other a very manly one armed hug.

"Good to see you again Edward, things haven't been the same without you." Jasper said

Emmett punched me in the shoulder and I winced. Fuck he was strong.

"I didn't miss you Fucktard. So where's 'What's her face'?" He said looking around

"I didn't fucking miss you either." I said and returned his punch. "And you know her name is Tanya." I was aggravated at his insistence to carry on that pathetic game.

"Well, where is she Edward?" My mother asked looking at me "I wanted to meet the girl who stole my son's heart." I tensed a little at her assumption of my feelings regarding Tanya. But I didn't correct her, hell, what was I going to say?

'_Geez Mum, yeah we're living together and I plan to marry her and father her children, but no, I don't love her and she most certainly does not own my heart.'_

No. My mother would not understand. I wasn't sure I understood it even.

"Tanya couldn't make it. She got tied up." I lied.

Tanya had thrown a fucking tantrum when she found out that my brothers would be staying with us in the penthouse. She had talked to Emmett and Jasper on the phone a few times and they clearly didn't get along.

It annoyed Tanya to no end that my mother and brothers _loved_ Irina, and she had become increasingly bitter and nasty towards her sister. Tanya didn't dare do it where I could hear, I wouldn't fucking stand for that, but Felix and Demetri kept me informed.

No, as much as I hated to admit it, I had driven a wedge between Tanya and Irina, and I felt bad for it. Irina told me not to worry, that it had been a long time coming between them, but it didn't erase the guilt.

She also reminded me of her initial warning about Tanya.

"Oh, well that's a shame. But we will see her tonight won't we? Your father said he would be here for dinner, so I thought I could cook my boys a real home cooked meal. What do you think? Perhaps Tanya could help me, give us a chance to get to know each other." My mother queried. I couldn't see Tanya helping my mother cook a big family dinner. I'm not entirely sure Tanya knew how to use a can opener, let alone something like the oven.

We arrived back at the penthouse and Emmett and Jasper went to unpack. My parents were staying at a hotel for the duration of their visit and while I would have loved to have my mother stay, I was glad my father was not under the same roof as me.

Esme went straight to the kitchen and began preparing for dinner, chatting away about how everyone was in New Zealand and how proud they were that I had won International Business Person of the year. She asked about work, and told me how much she liked Irina and the others. She asked me a lot about Tanya, and I knew I was frustrating her with my vague answers, but the truth was I didn't want to waste the time I had with her talking about Tanya.

An hour later my father walked through the door with none other than Tanya, and they were both laughing and smiling. My initial shock at seeing them together was overshadowed by their obvious familiarity. It should have made me happy to see my soon-to-be fiancé bonding with my father, but it didn't. It unnerved me.

"Tanya, what's going on?" I asked a little angry, but I didn't know why. I felt like there was something more going on that what I was aware of . Tanya looked at me with a sugary smile

"Daddy asked me if I would pick up Carlisle from the airport. He was going to do it himself, but got held up, so he asked me." Carlisle stepped forward and shook my hand.

"Good to see you again Edward." He said formally. I shook his hand squeezing a little harder than necessary.

"You too Dad." I had nothing else to say to him and we stood there in silence for a moment until Emmett came bounding out into the room. Carlisle walked away to the bar.

"You must be Tanya!" Emmett said loudly, looking at her. She stared back at Emmett and I saw a flicker of distaste cross her features. Emmett didn't notice and instead came forward and picked her up in a hug. I knew it was all for my benefit and I appreciated it.

Tanya didn't. She screamed bloody murder and Emmett dropped her like she was on fire. He looked at her confused

"What's wrong with you?" He said frowning. Tanya stood back up and glared at him

"What's wrong with _me_? You just _grabbed_ me!" She stormed. Jasper had come out to see what all the commotion was and narrowed his eyes at a ranting Tanya.

"Uh, it's called a _hug_." Emmett said "Most people just hug the other back, but hey, you scream. That's cool." He said and made his way over to Jasper.

"My hair is messed!" Tanya screeched and Jasper's eyes narrowed further. Well, his opinion was pretty clear, I guess.

I looked down at Tanya, about to hiss at her to shut her fucking mouth and stop being a bitch, but my father's _very_ pissed off voice echoed throughout the penthouse.

"_Edward Cullen!_" He roared, storming up to me with an empty bottle in his hand.

Ah, yes. In a moment of pure genius I had decided to save the empty bottle of Chivas. I had then carefully placed it in the exact spot I had found it, as a little present for Carlisle.

He held the bottle up in front of my face

"What is this?" He demanded, his voice furious. I looked back innocently.

"Uh, I give up, what is it?"

He looked like his head was about to explode. Emmett whispered something to Jasper and they both began laughing quietly. I tried to hold back my own laughter, only marginally succeeding.

"I was _saving_ this Edward. It was for a special occasion." Carlisle seethed.

"Well, you'll be pleased to know, it was _fantastic_. Worth every dollar, brilliant on the way down, mild burn on the way back out." Emmett and Jasper were turning red, trying to contain themselves.

My father muttered something under his breath and stalked out of the room. Jasper and Emmett finally let go and began roaring with laughter. Jasper leaned back against the wall and slid down, holding his sides while tears streamed down his cheeks. Emmett was making great whooping noises when my mother came in looking at us in confusion. Her eyes scanned the room and when they fell on Tanya's sulking countenance they brightened considerably. I began to worry my mother was setting herself up for disappointment where Tanya was concerned.

She wiped her hands on her apron and made her way over to Tanya extending one, which still hand little bits of dough sticking to it.

"You must be Tanya. How do you do, I'm Esme, Edward's mother."

Tanya completely ignored my mother and continued playing with her hair. It took everything in me not to shake her till her teeth rattled.

She was being rude, and I knew it stemmed from the fact that Emmett and Jasper were staying with us. She didn't like it and she was sulking.

"Tanya, my mother is speaking to you." I growled lowly and Tanya's head snapped up. She glanced between myself and my frowning mother. Finally she sighed deeply as though resigning herself to a huge burden.

"Tanya Denali, it's a pleasure to meet you." She said, but her words were empty. She held out her hand, but snatched it back when she saw my mother's hands. Jasper growled and stepped forward, but my mother held her hand up and stopped him.

"I guess you wouldn't want to help me with dinner then, would you Tanya?" She asked with little hope in her voice. I had never felt more ashamed of Tanya than I did in that moment.

Tanya actually snorted and asked my mother why we didn't just call the caterers. Emmett had to hold Jasper back again, and I was getting pretty close to launching at Tanya myself.

"I might go see if Carlisle will fix me a drink." Tanya said and strode towards the bar where Carlisle smiled as he saw her approach. They began chatting instantly, it was disgusting to watch.

Esme went back into the kitchen and the sounds of cooking drifted from the kitchen.

"Seriously Edward? You're going to let her talk to Mum like that? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Emmett bellowed at me. I said nothing. I had no fucking excuses left, I had nothing left. The only thing I had was this plan to marry Tanya and get the family I longed for. _That_ was keeping me together.

"Jasper, feel like doing a line?" I asked, walking away towards the bathroom.

"Are you fucking kidding me Edward? With Mum and Dad in the fucking house? What the hell has happened to you bro?" Emmett asked incredulously.

I just ignored him and went into the bathroom. Jasper joined me about a minute later, shutting the door and locking it behind him.

The irony was not lost on me.

"Edward you can't do this." Jasper said suddenly. I looked at him in surprise, what couldn't I do?

"Tanya. You can't marry Tanya." His eyes were pleading with me and I was a little taken aback. I knew Jasper didn't like Tanya, but this was a bit much.

"Uh, yeah I can and I'm going to. Why the hell would you say something like that Jazz?"

He shook his head and looked at me sadly.

"God, Edward, you really have no idea do you? You're about to commit your entire life to Tanya, you plan on having children with her, yet I _guarantee_ that you haven't _once_ told her you love her."

"How the fuck would you know that?" I growled and set up the lines, snorting one before handing the rolled note to Jasper. He didn't bother to take a hit, he just stared at me

"If you love Tanya then say it. Out loud. Say it!" Jasper demanded.

I tried to say the words, I really, really did. I wanted nothing more than to love Tanya, but I couldn't. There was only one woman I loved and Tanya wasn't it. It was Bella, it always would be Bella, but Bella didn't want me, so what was I supposed to do? Spend the rest of my life pining away for her?

I was angry at Jasper, I was doing my fucking best to move on, it wasn't easy. I didn't need him tearing apart the fragile life I was trying to build. Jasper took my silence as confirmation he was right.

"You're still in love with Bella aren't you?" He said quietly, cutting right through the bullshit to the heart of the matter, just like he always did.

"Who said I was in love with Bella to begin with?" I tried to avoid the question. Just like I couldn't say I loved Tanya, I couldn't say I _didn't _love Bella, and Jasper knew it.

"You think you have no options Edward, but you do. You don't have to settle for anything, fight for what you want! Go back to New Zealand, fuck Dad, tell him to go to hell! You're a grown fucking man Edward, take responsibility for your life and make your own goddamn decisions!"

I wanted to scream at him that he was fucking wrong, that he knew nothing about me or my life, but I couldn't because he _wasn't_ wrong. He was one hundred percent right and we both knew it. That didn't mean I liked being called out on it. Lucky for Jasper, I was past fighting now, moving on without Bella was like leaving my soul behind and I was just the shell of a man, nothing more than an imitation of the real thing.

"It's happening Jasper. I'm going to marry Tanya and we are going to start a family together. It's the best outcome for all involved." I said in a flat tone. Jasper just looked at me with his eyebrows raised in shock.

"Can you _hear_ yourself Edward? You sound like you're negotiating a business deal, not marrying someone. You know this isn't right, don't do it. Don't propose to her."

"I'm sorry Jasper, my mind is made up." I began to get twitchy from the coke and I started to pace around the bathroom. Damn Jasper! He always did this, exposed me right to the bone and forced me to be honest with him and myself. I was reaching my breaking point.

"I've got to do something Jazz, it just _hurts_ too fucking much. Every day I think it will get better but it doesn't, it just gets fucking worse, and it will kill me if I don't do something Jazz." My voice cracked a little and Jasper pulled me into a bone crushing hug.

"Ah, little brother, why must you always take the hard road?" He rubbed my hair with his knuckles and I pushed away from him, regaining my composure.

"Just be happy for me Jasper, at least when people can see you. That's how I've been living since I came here."

I turned and walked away, out of the bathroom, out of the penthouse and out of the building. I left my mother making the big family dinner for us, I left a justifiably angry Emmett, I left Jasper, who saw me a little too clearly for my liking, I left a father who used me like a pawn in a chess game and I certainly left a woman whom I didn't love but was to become my wife.

I walked about two blocks before I came to a bar. I went inside and drank until everything blacked out.

****************

The next day, I awoke in my bed to find a note stapled to my shirt from Demetri.

'_How does every single fucking bar in Paris know to call ME when you pass out there? Do you have fucking business cards printed up for it?? By the way, you owe me for the shoes you threw up on last night. Thanks for that._

_Demetri._

I apologised to my brothers and to my exceptionally sad looking mother. I didn't give a shit about how my actions affected my father or Tanya, so I didn't apologise to either of them.

Emmett and Jasper decided to take Mum around Paris for the day before the big dinner at my friend Peter's restaurant.

I spent the day in bed, drinking and smoking some weed, taking anything so I could just feel _normal_ around my family. Seeing them reminded me of my old life and that just opened the door to the hurt, and I couldn't take it anymore.

So I got high, and it didn't hurt so much. I drank and the pain dimmed.

Later that afternoon, I dressed and drove over to the restaurant by myself, meeting everyone there. We sat down to dinner and the chatter was light and amicable. Tanya's father was here along with Irina and Kate, Demetri and Felix had come along as well.

The main course had finished and just before desert was to be served I stood up and grabbed Tanya's hand pulling her to her feet, my head was cloudy with all the substances in my body, slowing my brain, but I managed to pull the ring out of my pocket and shove it on her finger while I said

"Marry me." Wow. That sounded fucking awful.

Oh my god. What have I done? Bella.

_I'm so fucking sorry Bella. I don't love her, I only love you. Please forgive me._

Tanya squealed and began bouncing up and down and I took the time to look at the faces around the table.

Marcus looked thrilled, he and Carlisle were clapping each other on the back and laughing away. Emmett had his face in his hands and was shaking his head, while Jasper looked at me in a mixture of sadness and anger.

Felix and Demetri had turned pale and Irina was staring at me as if to say 'this is a joke, right?'. It didn't concern Kate, so she appeared not to care.

I looked at my mothers face last, and when I did, I regretted it instantly.

With one look my mother reduced me into a quivering little boy, distraught that he had disappointed his mother so badly. She did look disappointed, but also very, very sad.

I think seeing her so sad was actually worse.

* * *

The night wore on and I learned the beauty of giving Tanya expensive jewelery. When you did, she fucked off to go gloat to all the other little social climbers in the room.

My father was busy talking to Marcus and my poor mother was left there, standing pretty much all on her own. 'Zoot Suit Riot' by The Cherry Poppin' Daddies came on and I smiled as I excused myself from Irina and the others. I walked up to my mother holding my hand out.

"May I have this dance Mum?" I asked with a cheeky grin. I hoped she would forgive me one day, but right now, I just needed to see my Mum smile.

Her whole face lit up and she practically sparkled with excitement.

"Of course you can honey." She said and took my hand. I spun her onto the dance floor and we began a complicated swing number.

We didn't do any overly elaborate moves, but we never faltered in our steps. We gained the attention of the room, and pretty soon there was a large circle around us as we danced.

_A whipped up jitterbuggin' brown eyed man  
A stray cat frontin' up an eight-piece band  
Cut me Sammy and you'll understand  
In my veins hot music ran_

My mother was so happy as I spun her around that dance floor, I wished I saw her like this more often. It struck me hard right then just how much I had actually missed her and would when she left again.

_Zoot suit riot  
Throw back a bottle of beer  
Zoot suit riot  
Pull a comb through your coal black hair_

The song ended and I finished by spinning Esme into me and dipping her back on one arm. The room erupted into applause, with Emmett and Felix whooping and whistling while Jasper, Demetri and Irina all yelled a chorus of "Go Mum" and "Go Esme". I stood my mother back up and she shook her head while she smiled up at me.

"There's my son." She said tenderly "I was wondering if I'd get to see you at all this visit."

"I'm sorry Mum." I whispered down at her. I was apologising for leaving when she went to the trouble to make dinner, I was apologising for marrying Tanya, I was apologising for being such a bad son and a failure altogether as a man.

I was simply fucking sorry.

The crowd had begun to disperse and I could see Carlisle making his way over, glaring at me.

"_What_ are you sorry for Edward?" My mother took my face between her hands and forced me to look at her. I wanted to tell her, but my father was getting closer.

"Oh, baby you are so unhappy aren't you?" She said stroking my cheek. Carlisle stopped beside us and pulled Esme into him.

"How about you stop making a spectacle of yourself Edward? And if you cannot refrain, at least don't drag your mother into it."

Esme frowned and opened her mouth, no doubt to defend me, but I cut her off.

"It's been _wonderful_ to see you again Dad." I said snidely and kissed my mother on the cheek before I stormed off towards the bar.

So much for cutting back.

* * *

**Bella POV**

I think I'd only been asleep a couple of hours when I woke with a painful cramping in my stomach I checked the clock on the night stand as I waited for my stomach muscles to relax. I wondered if I had just had a true contraction or if it was a Braxton.

I took deep a deep breath and exhaled slowly as my thoughts wandered to Edward as they so often did I was alone in the dark.

I turned on my reading lamp and took the magazine featuring Edward from my bedside draw, I traced over his features with my finger starting with his brows I moved down his straight nose and out over his well defined cheek bones and down his strong jaw line. I saved his lips for last, tracing my finger along his top lip before moving too his full pouting bottom lip.

I let myself remember how it felt too be kissed by those lips, the desperation and need that was present along with the electric charge that set my soul alight.

I grabbed my IPod and stuffed the buds in my ears I turned it on to the first song I scrolled to and hit play, tears pricked my eyes immediately when I heard the first few lyrics of the song.

_You may not remember me_

_I am the girl with the tear in her eye_

_Tear in her eye_

_And I never expected a call from you_

_Thinking about it now, I guess I did_

_I guess I did_

_Because I have all these dreams in my head_

_Of you and I together waking in each others arms_

_If I only I could tell you how I feel_

_Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you_

_But it's just a dream_

_I have in my head_

At night I did dream of waking in Edwards arms, it was the dream that was keeping me functioning.

_And spending another day missing you_

_Both missing you_

_And on this sign there's the two of us_

_Sinking in the sand of our desperate love_

_Our desperate love_

_Cause I have all these dreams in my head_

_With you and I together waking in each other's arms_

_If only I could tell you how I feel_

_Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you_

_But it's just a dream_

_I have in my head_

_If you could see my heart is bleeding_

_I'll stay here now and wait_

_For you to show_

_Cause I have all these dreams in my head _

_Of you and I together waking in each other's arms_

_If only I could tell you how I feel_

_I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you_

_But it's just a dream_

_I have in my head_

_It must be quite sad_

_That it's unrequited love_

_If you could see my heart is bleeding_

That was about the extent of it, I dreamed about waking in Edwards's arms and my heart was bleeding for unrequited love. I was about to change the song when I was struck with another contraction I waited for the tightening to subside before checking the clock.

It was fifteen minutes since the first one had hit and I decided that if I had two more contractions within the hour I would consider myself in labour. I let my thoughts drift back to Edward.

If only things could have been different between us. I wondered what would have happened if one of us had had the foresight to lock the door. Would we have had a chance to let things develop? Of course things would never have developed. I would never have been good enough for _Carlisle's_ precious Edward.

Over the last few months all my anger and bitterness had faded and I was left with only my unrequited love and a desperate yearning to have Edward in my life. Deep down I wanted him here taking an active role in his children's lives. But I knew that was nothing but a dream.

The next two contractions were stronger than the two before and I gripped the bed covers as I tried to pant my way through the pain. When it finally subsided I grabbed my phone and text a message to Rose and Alice to be ready, I then text my midwife and let her know I was having contractions.

I got out of bed and headed for the lounge I decided not to wake Jacob until it was time to leave for the hospital. I continued to listen to my IPod and think about Edward as I waited for my next contraction.

I noticed my next two contractions were ten minutes apart and I text my midwife to report my progress and I was surprised when she text back that if the next two came at ten minutes apart I should head for the hospital.

I got up and packed my IPod in my hospital bag, I was just about to go and knock on Jakes door when I was struck with another contraction. I cried out in pain as I clutched the table for support.

"Ow, ow, ow…fuck shit…ow…" I jumped in fright when Jakes bedroom door crashed open but even in pain I couldn't help but admire his gorgeous physique as he stood before me in his boxers.

"Bells are you ok, is it the babies, are they coming?"

"Yes." I groaned. Jake rushed to my side and led me back to the couch. I noticed his eyes were alive with excitement.

"I told you they'd arrive today. Ok I'll just get dressed then um…Fuck I've had this planned for weeks and now I've forgotten my plan." I couldn't help but laugh at Jake's rising panic.

"Jake it's all good, you just need to go and get dressed so we can go to the hospital, nature will do the rest I'm sure."

"Ok, do you need anything Bells?"

"No I'm fine."

"Ok…um... I better get dressed." I laughed at him as he ran back to his room only to reappear thirty seconds later dressed and ready.

Rose and Alice were already at the hospital when I arrived and they were wearing identical smiles when they saw Jake wheeling me down the corridor toward the reception area.

Alice rushed forward and hugged me tightly, "Yay Bells the wait is finally over. How are you feeling?"

"Scared," I said honestly.

"You'll be fine honey puff," Jacob reassured me with a pat on the shoulder.

After he'd signed me in he went to wait in the waiting room while I was wheeled into the delivery suite followed closely by Rose and Alice.

"Alice can you text Renee and Charlie and let them know what's happening."

I waved to Jake as Rose closed the door he mouthed good luck and gave me a thumbs up before the door shut.

Renee arrived just as the first baby was crowning, she rushed into the room and straight to my side, "Oh Bella sweetheart how are you going?"

"Good, horrible, I don't know mum all I know is that it fuckin hurts!" I saw Renee's disapproving look at my use of bad language but the pain was so intense I didn't really care and I was glad when she let it pass without comment.

"I know it hurts sweetheart but it's worth it."

"I don't know Mum, is anything really worth this kind of torture?"

"Yes Bella its sweet torture and the rewards definitely worth it." I couldn't answer Renee because another contraction was building and the pain was excruciating.

I was about to lose the plot and tell the midwife I couldn't do this anymore when she spoke first.

"Ok Bella one more good push and you'll have this baby out."

"Oh thank fuck for that." I gripped onto the sides of the bed and pushed with all my strength, I groaned in relief when I felt the baby's head slide out and the intense burning pain ceased.

"Ok Bella wait for the next contraction then one more push and this baby will be born." For the first time since starting labour I could fully concentrate on what was happening in less than a minutes time I would meet my first child.

A terrible guilt flared up inside me when I thought about Edward and how he was missing what may have been the most important day of his life. I shook of the thought as my next contraction started to build, I let it reach its apex before I pushed and I felt my baby slide from my core.

"Bella you have a Son." The midwife cut the cord and placed my son on my chest. I kissed his soft bloody head and was amazed at how much hair he had. Tears of happiness streamed down my face.

I barely had time to cradle him before another contraction hit and the nurse whipped him out of my arms. I tried to concentrate on my son, my miniature Edward as I rode out the pain.

Five minutes later my daughter arrived into the world and even though I was completely exhausted I was deliriously happy. Renee was right; the pain was sweet torture for the reward. I cradled my daughter in my arms.

My tears continued to flow, they were tears of happiness mostly, a few were shed in sadness for their absent father. My heart throbbed, it was such a bittersweet moment. Rosalie took my baby girl from my arms and I frowned, I didn't want to share her.

"Oh Bella how wonderful I have a grandson and a granddaughter. I'm so proud of you sweetheart you did amazingly. Do you have names picked out for them?" Renee was holding my son while Alice and Rose cooed over my daughter.

"Um…yeah…I'm going to call my son Louis Antony Swan."

"Renee's eyes lit up, "Bella that's perfect, and your daughter?" I looked silently at Renee for a moment.

I didn't want to tell her the name I had picked out for my daughter because I knew she wouldn't like it, I however loved it and it had personal significance to me, "her name is Apple La Rouge Swan."

Renee looked at me as if I had suddenly lost all rational thought, "Apple, really honey; are you really going to call her after a piece of fruit?"

Renee was right I was calling my daughter after a piece of fruit, the forbidden fruit and my daughter was the spoils of tasting that sweet delicious flesh, Apple just sounds so sweet and delicious and I loved it."

"Hmm…and La Rouge?"

"I know it's French for red. The name La Rouge reminds me of the rosy red cheeks of children which in turn reminds me of rosy red apples so I think it fits perfectly."

"Oh…Um...ok if you're sure dear."

"I am Mum." I said with total conviction.

"Oh Bells I absolutely love Apple La Rouge it's beautiful and unique." Alice leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"I do too Bella and I really love the French twist to the names." Rose came over and kissed my cheek, I smiled widely at her I knew she was acknowledging that I'd pay homage to the fact that my heart resides in France.

Renee never said another word about my daughters name and headed for the door to get Charlie and Jake from the waiting room. Charlie and Jake were wearing identical proud grins as they came into the room.

Jake rushed to my side, slinging his arm around my shoulder, "congratulations Bells a son and a daughter, I told you they'd come today."

"Yeah I know you did Jake, you are an awesome oracle, you should go into business predicting women's due dates.

"Ha, ha Bells you're such a riot." Jake moved away to look at the twins so Charlie could give me a hug.

I smiled at ,my dad when he took Apple from Rose's arms, "you did real good kid, they're beautiful and I'm sure I'll get used to calling my granddaughter Apple, after all she'll be the apple of her grandpa's eye."

"Thanks Dad." I said. Fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

He handed Apple back to me and I couldn't resist taking a peek at my precious daughter. As I gazed at her I thought she looked like Edward.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The first month of the twin's life went by extremely quickly and I struggled as I tried to get into the routine of raising twins alone. I was slowly learning all the things you needed to do and what not to do with babies and Renee had spent the first two weeks staying with me to teach me. I was extremely grateful to have her.

Once Renee left, Jacob insisted on getting up for every feed so he could burp and change one baby whilst I was feeding the other. It was something that made me feel guilty I didn't want Jake to put himself out for us. "Jake you should be in bed you've got a lecture tomorrow you need to get some sleep."

"You're the one who needs to sleep bells and if I help you'll get back to bed quicker."

I smiled at him gratefully, "thanks heaps Jake."

"No worries honey puff like I told you before I'm here to look after you."

I put the twins back into their cribs and bade Jake a goodnight, as I stared down at the sleeping forms of my children my heart throbbed painfully, Edward should be here with me tucking our babies into bed.

I laid down in bed and switched on the radio, lost in thoughts of Edward and how much I missed him.

_The stars lean down to kiss you,  
And I lie awake I miss you,  
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.  
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,  
But I'll miss your arms around me  
I'll send a postcard to you dear,  
Cause I wish you were here._

_I'll watch the night turn light blue,  
But it's not the same without you,  
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,  
The silence isn't so bad,  
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,  
Cause the spaces between my fingers  
Are right where yours fit perfectly._

_I'll find repose in new ways,  
Though I haven't slept in two days,  
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.  
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,  
I'll sit on the front porch all night,  
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.  
I don't feel so alone.  
I don't feel so alone.  
I don't feel so alone._

_As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.  
I'll think of you tonight._

_When violet eyes get brighter,  
And heavy wings grow lighter,  
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.  
And I'll forget the world that I knew,  
But I swear I won't forget you,  
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,  
I'd whisper in your ear,  
Oh darling I wish you were here.  
_

Did I want Edward to know he was the father of twins? _Yes you do!_ I was shocked by the small but loud voice in my head, _you do want him to know he's a Dad he has a right to know his children too._

I sighed deeply and grabbed my cell phone and scrolled down to Edward's number, I picked up my bedside phone and dialled, my heart pounded in my chest as the connection clicked in and the phone began to ring.

I was just about to chicken out and hang up when I heard Edward's beautiful velvety voice on the line, "hi you've reached Edward Cullen please leave a name and number and I'll return your call as soon as possible."

I committed the sound of his voice to memory before I hung up, maybe it was a sign that I couldn't get hold of him, I was acting totally impulsively and a bit recklessly and I needed more time to think about it. I fought against the confused thoughts swirling in my mind and forced my eyes shut I needed to sleep more than to think at the moment.

Before I knew it the twins were stirring and I rolled out of bed with a groan to follow the same routine I had done four hours previously and the four hours before that and so on.

I met Jake in the lounge looking bleary eyed but he was smiling widely, I laughed when I realised that he was just as in tune with the twins routine as I was.

Once the kids were fed and back in bed Jake headed out to buy me breakfast while I got another hours sleep, the smell of warm Danishes infiltrated my senses and my eyes snapped open. Jake was standing in the doorway with a breakfast tray with my favourite apricot Danishes and a hot cup of cinnamon scented tea.

He had also brought me a copy of the New Zealand Herald my favourite national newspaper, "hey thanks Jake this is awesome."

"No worries honey puff it was nothing. I'm going to be late home tonight I've got classes all day so I won't be home until about eight."

"No worries Jake I'll be fine."

"Are you sure Bells, I'll ring you later and check on you alright?"

"Sure Jake, have a nice day." He flashed me a bright smile as he retreated from my room.

I sat back against the headboard and nibbled on a Danish as I unfurled the paper and read the front page headlines, my heart skipped a beat when I turned the page and saw Edward smiling back at me. I didn't immediately register the woman next him in the photo I was too busy drinking in every detail of his beautiful face.

I thought he looked tired, he had purplish shadows under his eyes and though he was smiling in the photo I noticed the smile never reached his eyes. I stared at him for another moment before I turned my attention to the woman sitting next to him; she had shrewd looking blue eyes and her strawberry blonde hair fell in soft curls around her face.

I guess she was pretty in her own way, she was perfectly groomed in the photo without a hair out of place and the design of her clothes was classic and elegant. My eyes drifted to the headline above the photo and I felt my world crashing down around me when I read the words.

**New Zealand's Financial Whiz Kid gets engaged…**

I scanned the article and every word cut deeper into me until my heart lay shredded and bleeding. I felt numb, sick, I felt like I was going into shock, the little flicker of hope I'd been nurturing died leaving it dark and desolate.

Edward had moved on and found someone else. At last I had my answer, I was like he said, nothing more than a stupid mistake. He hadn't been lying awake at night thinking about me, he'd been out living his life and he certainly didn't love me like I loved him. I felt so empty, cold and more alone than I'd ever felt in my life.

I spent the day on autopilot attending to the twins and doing my chores, I couldn't stop the relentless tears from streaming down my face as I bathed the kids and got them into bed, "I'm really sorry my sweet little cherubs but Daddy won't be coming home for us." I kissed each of their sweet little faces and turned out the light.

I grabbed my duvet cover and IPod and headed for the couch, I pulled the thick quilt over my head and stuffed the buds in my ears, I really needed an escape from my head for a while.

I fought against the overwhelming grief fighting to engulf me, if I could just hold out until Jake got home. I checked the clock and it was seven thirty, I was gutted that I had to hold it together for another half an hour.

I felt myself slip a little deeper into my pain when Jake didn't get home at eight or nine and when he wasn't home at ten I couldn't stop myself from slipping over the edge and falling into the abyss.

I was sobbing uncontrollably when I heard Jakes car pull into the driveway, he walked through the door took one look at me on the couch and rushed to my side.

"Bells what's the matter are you alright?" Jake pulled me into his arms as I sobbed into his shoulder. "What is it Bells?" I could hear the note of desperation in his voice.

"Oh Jake…I feel so alone…" He pulled me tighter against his chest and buried his face in my hair. It felt so good to have his arms around me holding me tightly.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Honey I got caught up with study, I should have called."

" It's...ok Jake...really I'm... just being silly."

"No you're not Bells."

He pulled back from me and tilted my head with his finger so I was looking directly up at him, "you never have to feel alone Bells, I'm always here for you." We stared at each other for a long moment before we both leaned toward each other and our lips met.

I tried to forget about everything else and concentrated on the way my lips moved against his and how nice it felt to be close to someone. I followed Jakes lead as he pulled me deeper into the kiss.

Though there was no spark it still felt nice to be wanted and without really thinking about it I decided to lose myself, "make love to me Jake."

I felt his breath catch in his throat as he registered my words, "are you sure Bella?" He looked at me seriously studying my face carefully.

"Yes I'm sure, I don't want to be alone tonight." Jake brought his lips back to mine and I let myself melt into the kiss, I was determined not to think about anything else tonight but the fact I needed to feel loved and wanted.

I let Jake take my hand and lead me to his bedroom he kissed me softly as he undressed me and laid me gently in his bed. His smile was beatific as he gazed down at my naked body below him.

He climb up next to me, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me close, "You are so beautiful Bella." I shivered and kissed him, his soft had slid over my breast, massaging it against his palm rolling my nipple between his finger and his thumb.

My hands ghosted along the hard plains of his stomach and down to his already hard cock.

"Ahh…Bella…"Jake sighed as my fingers curled around him and I pumped him gently.

Jake was an attentive lover he held me close as he whispered how beautiful I was. His strokes were gentle and his lips never left my body as he rocked against me. I let his words wash over me as I hooked my legs around his waist and pulled him deeper into me.

I let myself get lost in the feelings of being touched, of being caressed, of being loved and all too soon I could feel the flickers of pleasure intensifying in the pit of my stomach. Jake noticed the change in my breathing and upped his tempo each of his thrusts burying him deeper in me and bring me closer to my release.

My fingers locked around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine as I let my orgasm wash over me.

"Thank you Jake." I whispered as I held him close. I studied his face as he took a final thrust and let his orgasm carry him away.

I couldn't deny how beautiful he was as his eyelids fluttered closed and my name fell effortlessly from his lips. My hands slid along his waist as the last of the tremors rocked his body. I pulled him closer so that he was pressed tightly against me.

He looked into my eyes with a smile, "you never have to feel alone Bells, I'm always here for you honey." Jake smiled. He buried his face against my neck his lips roaming over my neck.

"I know." I whispered

I felt safe and warm and loved as I drifted off to sleep in Jacobs arms...

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**Thanks to you all who review. I know Edward seems selfish, but hes just a mixed up dude who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. But he does have his good points and lets not forget his absolutely fuck awesome car! Dont tell Cin I said that, she hates the car...... LOL**


	8. Aftermath

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review all feedback is truly appreciated. Also thank you to those of you who added the story to your alerts/favourites. Greenaway and I would also like to thank you for your patience in sticking with the story even though there has been no Bella & Edward action for a long time. we needed to use these first chapters to set up the rest of the story. There is this chapter and one other before we see Edward and Bella meet again. We have decided to reward your patience by updating twice this week so you can get your Edward & Bella fix that much quicker. So today we are dealing with the aftermath then on Thursday we'll update again so that on the following Monday you can have your heart's desire... (this does come with a warning but...The path to true love doesn't always run smoothly, but then again true love never dies no matter what adversity its faced with... :)**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at my table, Rod Stewart owns Broken Arrow.**

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**Bella's POV...**

I woke with a start; Jake was holding me close to his chest his arms wrapped protectively around me. I sighed deeply as I considered my predicament for a moment. It was then the reality of what I had done crashed over me.

Not only had I just made the second biggest mistake of my life I had crossed one of the clear boundaries lines I had drawn myself concerning getting sexually involved with Jake. By sleeping with him I had put our friendship at risk. I could only hope that Jake wouldn't want more than this one night.

I knew deep down that it was wishful thinking.

Jake had wanted to be with me like this since we first met but I had never given him hope, but I knew he still had it.

There was no chance of us having a future together.

I needed to get out of his bed and into neutral territory before he woke and I had to face firsthand what I'd done without any time to prepare.

I tried carefully to squirm out of his embrace but as soon as I moved his arms tightened around me and a contented sigh escaped his lips, "Mmm…my Bella."

My breathing hitched and I felt my already mangled heart tear apart again. I knew in that instant that I was going to break Jacob's heart just like Edward had broken mine. I felt sick by the thought and tears trickled from my eyes. I was such a cruel, selfish person.

I never wanted to hurt Jake; he was good to the core and deserved nothing but unconditional love, happiness and good fortune in his life.

I was determined to save my friendship with him; I didn't want him to leave my life.

Although I wasn't _in love_ with him I'd grown to love and depend on his friendship and support and I didn't want to lose him. He was a fundamental to my survival and I couldn't imagine life without him.

I tried to extricate myself from his embrace and after a minute of careful manoeuvring I managed to detangle myself from his arms without waking him. I sat on the edge of the bed and gazed at his sleeping form, his long dark lashes rested against the delicate skin under his eyes and a small satisfied smile played on his lips. A single dark ringlet fell across his cheek and the early morning sun shone on his smooth coffee coloured skin.

He really was as beautiful on the outside as he was on the inside and I smiled, no one would be good enough for him: especially me.

I stood up carefully trying not to disturb the mattress and alert Jake to the fact I was no longer lying beside him. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and tiptoed from the room closing the door silently behind me.

I quickly checked my sleeping children and hurried for the shower, I needed time to think about how I was going to let Jacob down without destroying our friendship. The thought brought a sob from my throat. I stepped under the steaming spray hoping the scalding water would atone me of my sins.

I relaxed slightly as the scent of my cinnamon shower gel engulfed me; I loved the sweet unique smell of the exotic spice. I showered quickly knowing the twins would be waking soon and therefore so would Jake.

I was hoping that he might sleep late and give me more time; that hope was quickly dashed when I made my way through the lounge to check on the kids.

Jake was mucking around at the stereo. He turned when he heard me, a beautiful and jubilant smile playing on his lips, "good morning my honeypuff." He moved straight toward me and drew me into his arms.

I trembled slightly and kept my head downcast, I couldn't bear to look into his warm brown eyes knowing that I was going to wreak havoc and break his beautiful kind and caring heart.

His finger ran along my jaw line and came to rest under my chin he tilted my face toward his and slowly brought his lips to mine. Against my better judgement I kissed him back, I closed my eyes and imagined just surrendering to Jacob.

It could be so easy being with him, we were so comfortable with each other it would be as natural as breathing. Edward had moved on – all my dreams concerning him were nothing but ashes. I knew Jacob _could _make me happy if I let him.

But then all the reasons I had for not getting involved with him blew through my mind like a chilling breeze destroying the warm image in my mind.

I broke the kiss and took a step back, Jake looked at me knowingly and his face crumpled in pain, "No Bells... please don't…"

"I'm so, so very sorry Jake but I can't…" I choked out, hot tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Why not Bella? Last night was incredible…I…" His voice caught in his throat and I could see the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and my heart died.

"You know why not Jake." I whispered

"Why? Because you think that you and the kids are a burden on me?"

"Yes that's part of it." I reasoned.

"Please Bells, I don't care that you've got kids to someone else, I love Louis and Apple and I love and want you."

"I love you too Jake but not the same way. You've got your whole life a head of you, there's so much you haven't done yet and I'm not going to take that away from you. I value your friendship above all else Jake. I don't want anything to ruin it."

"So what was last night a mistake to you?" He spat.

Jakes words clawed at my insides and a low sob fell from my lips, I never wanted Jake too feel the pain of knowing what it felt like to be a mistake. "God no Jake, I would never consider what we shared last night a mistake, you're my best friend but…" I heard Apple cry out from her room, I gave Jake a final pleading look as I turned and retreated from the room.

I took my time feeding and changing the twins, Jake never came into help and my throat constricted. I knew the pain he was feeling, I could feel his pain in my bones but I knew I couldn't give him what he deserved, a chance at a life, a chance to travel and to meet people his own age and to have his own children to someone who loved him whole-heartedly and not settle for someone who's heart belonged to another. Even if that other had moved on with his life.

I turned on De Bussys Claire Delune as I read Apple and Louis, J.K. Rowling's 'The tale of fair fortune'.

I spent the morning in Apple's room, I was scared to go out and face Jacob when I knew I had hurt him so badly, my stomach was tied up in knots and my hands shook.

When the kids were tucked up back in their cribs and sleeping soundly I knew I couldn't put the moment off any longer and got up from the rocking chair with a sigh.

I made my way back into the lounge and stopped dead in the doorway, Jakes travel bag was sitting on the couch packed and waiting expectantly, Jake was back at the stereo inserting a CD into the player.

"Jake?"

"I'm going home to the Marae for a while Bells." He never turned around to look at me and I shook with fear and regret that I'd hurt him.

"Please Jake, please don't go." I pleaded.

"Tell me you love me Bella." I knew I shouldn't but I said the blasphemous words anyway.

"I love you Jake."

"Then let's just be together." His voice was as pleading as mine had just been.

"I…Jake…I can't. I'm so sorry I'm such a selfish despicable person, I'm more sorry than you'll ever know."

He choked back his sob, "I'm sorry to Bells...I'll call you in a couple of days Bells."

"Please Jake, please don't leave. I'm sorry...I'm sorry." I didn't care I was begging him and that

"I need time to think Bells…I can't stay here with you right now." He pushed the play button on the CD player picked up his bag, kissed me on the forehead, "I'll see you round Bells."

I said nothing as he walked out the door.

I felt my knees hit the floor and I crumpled into a heap. I rested my cheek on the floor as the song Jake selected swirled around me, making its meaning very clear.

_Who else is going to bring you a broken arrow_  
_Who else is going to bring you a bottle of rain_  
_There he goes moving across the water_  
_There he goes, turning my whole world around_

Jacob had turned my whole world around. he'd kept me from being sucked into the super massive black hole left by Edward, and who else was going to bring me a bottle of rain?

_I wanna breathe when you breathe_  
_when you whisper like that hot summer breeze_  
_Count the beads of sweat that cover me_  
_Didn't you show me a sign this time_

Oh god, I did more than show Jake a sign I directly asked him to make love to me. I was so fucked up I deserved to lose him.

_I want to come when you call_  
_I'll get to you if I have to crawl_  
_They can't hold me with these iron walls_  
_We got mountains to climb, to climb_

I lay on the floor as the image of Jake walking out the door joined the one of Edward doing the same thing. I'd lost the only two men I had ever loved; even though I loved them differently I loved them none the less.

I knew I had to pull myself together, I had two kids who needed me to be capable of giving them the love and attention they needed. I just had to suck it up and once again deal with the aftermath.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

It had been three days since Jake had left and I still hadn't heard from him, the house felt cold and gloomy without him, just like I felt. I thought about calling him but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was the one who caused him pain and driven him away and I had to respect his right not to want to talk to me.

I settled on the couch with my cup of tomato soup readying myself for another lonely night marking exam papers, while Edward lay in the arms of his soon to be wife and Jacob was who knew where?

I was startled when I heard the key turn in the lock and saw Jake appear in the doorway. He dropped his travel bag on the floor and made his way straight over to me.

"Hey Bells." He sat down beside me and slung his arm around my shoulder.

"Jake you're home…I thought when I didn't hear from you... that you weren't coming back." Tears pricked my eyes, he pulled me close and kissed my cheek.

"Sorry I should have called honeypuff. I got home and had a good talk with Tui and Billy and I really missed you, Louis and Apple, it felt like a part of me was missing."

"Me too Jake," I said honestly.

"So I decided to come home. I love you Bella and I'd proudly have you as my girl but I understand where you're coming from and I'm going to respect your wishes and just be your friend, your best friend."

"Are you sure?" I gave him a hopeful look.

"Yes I want you in my life Bells and if friendship is the way to keep you then what we'll have."

"Thank you Jake, you know I don't deserve you." I knew truer words had never been spoken.

"Yes Bells you do. Now how about I cook you dinner, I bet you've been living on tomato soup since I left."

"Yeah I have." I admitted sheepishly.

My black mood lifted instantly, having Jake back and us sorting out the aftermath of our night together and agreeing to keep our relationship platonic, had me smiling more than I had ever done.

My life felt more balanced having Jake around now if I could only rid my heart of its ache for the unobtainable man of my dreams I could truly be happy.

~~~~~XXXX~~~~

As the months whizzed by Jake and I slipped back into the easy familiarity, our connection was deeper from our night together, and life was easy.

Apple and Louis where changing almost daily, Louis took after me: he had my dark brown hair and my brown eyes. Apple however was growing more like Edward by the day, she had his same bronzed hair which was beginning to twist into a mass of coppery curls and her eyes were the exact shade of emerald green as Edward's were but she had my creamy skin tone and her cheeks had a soft rosy glow.

She was so much like Edward that it hurt to look at her but I couldn't stop myself from spending hours gazing at her in wide eyed wonder.

They could both say a few words like Mum, ake, lalice and wosey.

I was eternally grateful that Charlie and Renee had only met Edward once in passing years ago when I first started working at Cullen industries, anyone who knew Edward would surely guess Apple was his daughter.

The twins were celebrating their first birthdays and we were having a party, something that Jake and Alice were super excited about. They laughed and joked around as they set up the garden for a teddy bears picnic scene with a multitude of coloured balloons, streamers and about a hundred teddy bears of varying size set up on blankets complete with picnic baskets.

Though I had brought the financial quarterly when it hit the newsstands it never had anything Edward. I was sure he'd be married by now and for all I knew his wife could be pregnant with their own child at this very minute.

The thought made my heart throb painfully and bile rise in my throat. Meanwhile Edward had missed out on the first year of milestones with his children, the guilt made me squirm uncomfortably.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I left the twins in Renee and Rose's capable hands as I dashed into town to pick up the cake and a few other last minute party items I'd forgotten, much to Alice's disgust. I made my way through the supermarket in record time.

I was just loading the shopping bags into the back seat of the car when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around and came face to face with Emmett and Jasper.

"Bella, how are you sweet cheeks?" Emmett booming voice echoed around us and he flashed me a huge smile.

"Oh…um…shit...Hi Emmett, Jasper how's it going?"

"Better now we've seen you. God Bells where have you been? I was saying to Jazz this morning no shit; I was worried you'd moved out of the city."

"Nah I'm still living here I've just been really busy with work." My eyes drifted toward Jasper who had been silent so far and noticed his eyes were resting on the two car seats in the back of my car.

Before I could divert his attention he looked up at me, a slight frown marring his face, "Bells why do you have kid's car seats in your car?"

Emmett looked at the car seats and then back at me. His face a mask of confusion, he went to speak so I cut him off.

"Oh…um I'm babysitting my cousin's twins, they're at home with my flatmate at the moment. It's easier than carting them around; you know a five minute job turns into an hour long drama." I knew I was babbling but neither Emmett nor Jasper seemed to notice.

"Oh thank god Bells. I thought you were going to say they were your kids."

I scoffed at Emmett even though I could feel the slow blush creeping up my face.

"So have you got time for a quick cup of coffee?" Jazz looked at me and then to the open coffee shop across the street.

"We're not taking no for an answer Bells it's been so long since we've seen you." Emmett looked down at me seriously.

"Um…yeah ok, but it will have to be quick, it's not fair to leave my flatmate to deal with double trouble, its bloody hard work."

"We believe you Bells, why anyone would want the whining little snot faced brats is totally beyond me. Fucktards the only bastard I know dumb enough to actually long for sprogs."

My breath hitched in my throat and my heart beat sped up. Did Emmett just say Edward longed to have children? I needed to know more.,. "Fucktard, I mean Edward…" I stammered.

"No Bells you mean fucktard. if anyone has the right to call him that it's you."

"Well fucktard never struck me as the type to want a family." I tried to keep my voice even and the look on my face innocent.

"Yeah I know he comes across all arctic and up his arse and he is mostly, but he really has a soft spot for kids, he's wanted the whole family thing for a while now."

We took a seat at a table and ordered our drinks.

I wanted to know more about Edward but I didn't want Emmett or Jazz to become suspicious, "um…well I read in the paper he got engaged so I imagine he'll get his wish for a family soon enough." I said as casually as I could.

"Oh God Bella I hope not. It's bad enough that he's marrying that social climbing vampire; I sincerely hope they do not produce offspring. That woman is the most revolting hag I've ever had the misfortune to meet." I stared at Jasper in shock, I'd never heard him say a bad word about anyone except for Edward that is, and I'd never heard such venom in his voice.

Emmett nodded his head in agreement, "hopefully they won't make it down the aisle. I'm sure if fucktard doesn't come to his senses and call off the wedding, Mum will surely stand up in the church and object."

"Do none of you like her?" My throat had gone dry and my palms were slick with sweat, but I breathed a sigh of relief Edward wasn't married yet.

"Carlisle does, he absolutely adores the manipulating slag and Edward must do a bit but no one else in the family does."

"She can't be that bad surely?"

"She's worse! no one can understand what Edward's doing with her. it's obvious he doesn't love her and he's definitely not happy." I looked at Emmett and Jazz in confusion.

I couldn't make sense of what they were saying. If Edward didn't love this woman or wasn't happy why would he be marrying her?

My phone beeped at that moment and I quickly checked the message, "sorry Emm, Jazz I have to go. It was really great seeing you again and we'll defiantly catch up again. Tell Fucktard I'm happy for him".

My voice shook a little I turned and saw Jasper watching me pensively. I tried to smile at him but I'm sure it came off more as a grimace.

My attention was drawn back to Emmett when his voice broke the gathering silence, "you shouldn't be happy for him Bells, the guys the world's biggest retard."

"All the same tell him anyway."

I rushed back to the car playing the new information over in my head, Edward longed for a family that thought had my insides tied up in knots of guilt.

Edward wanted children and I was keeping the fact that he was the father of my two angels. And Everyone but Carlisle hated Edward's choice of fiancée. Well I guess that didn't surprise me Carlisle probably handpicked her from most eligible woman in Europe list her for his precious son.

I found myself sincerely hoping Esme would get up and object to their union.

A tiny spark of hope tried to ignite in my heart but I refused to let it catch alight. I had to let go of my fantasies I had of Edward and I being together someday…

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**Chapter Eight: **

**Edward's POV**

Time seemed to pass by me in a daze, I was not really conscious of it. After my parents and brothers left, I hit the booze and drugs hard. Felix and Demetri were worried about me, and I noticed they kept finding excuses to stop by the Penthouse or accompany when I went out to a bar or the Lounge. They were practically my fucking shadow these days, and I had my suspicions that they were keeping Emmett and Jasper updated on my going ons. I didn't confront anyone about it, I really didn't care enough.

Tanya was on wedding fucking overdrive and had been since I had proposed. She had a guest list of over three hundred people, a dress being personally designed by Vera Wang, the best catering, a fucking orchestra for the reception, limos, tulle and assorted other bullshit that gave me a headache every time she tried to talk to me about it. She tried to involve me, but I shut her down every single time.

I didn't give a fuck about the wedding; it was all just a means to an end.

"Edward what do you think of this colour for the theme?" Tanya asked me. This was the tenth fucking question about the colour of fucking tablecloths and napkins.

I was losing my mind. At that precise moment, the stereo decided to belt out that horrible little Britney number that had become my personal favourite and shameful friend, 'If U Seek Amy'.

My irritation with Tanya progressed swiftly onto fury, when she began shoving fabric samples at my face for fucking napkins. "Tanya I don't give a fuck, ok? Just choose whichever goddamn one you want." I yelled, grabbing my coat and storming towards the door. I needed to fucking get out of here, and I could hear the Opium Lounge calling.

"Then I'll just pick shall I?" She called out as I slammed the door behind me. Fuck her.

She learned pretty quickly after that, and basically just told me how things were going to be. I think it suited us both better that way.

At one point I intervened when she tried to cut Irina out of the wedding party. Tanya's dislike for her sister had exploded, and she was convinced Irina and I were having an affair. It was fucking laughable, it was that ridiculous.

I had told Tanya, that if she tried to pull that kind of bullshit, she could cancel the entire fucking wedding. I was not fucking standing up there without my best friend. At the mere mention of my calling off the wedding, Tanya backtracked and Irina was back in the wedding party.

I don't know how many fucking times I needed to tell the vapid bitch I was marrying that Irina and Demetri were together, and that Irina was like a sister to me, she just wouldn't fucking listen.

I had sorted out the little issue regarding Irina and Demetri's contracts with Cullen Industries. About five and a half thousand dollars of mine later it was sorted. My lawyers had drawn up new contracts for both of them, which allowed for their relationship. It was airtight, and in my authority to do, especially with the billions of fucking dollars my team was bringing into the company. Nobody would dare complain.

Irina and Demetri were shocked I had been working on this, and even more surprised when Irina worked out I had done it at my own expense. They wanted to know why it was so important to me, and I told them honestly that I loved them and wanted them to be happy. I didn't tell them about Bella and Irina could tell I was holding something back. She didn't press me though; they both signed the new contracts and sat there for a moment, speechless.

Irina had broken first, getting up and pulling me into a hug. "How long have you been working on this Edward?" She asked me sniffing. Demetri just sat there looking at the contract in awe.

Not only could they pursue a relationship with each other, but they both had promotions and pay rises. Felix and Kate also got pay rises and new contracts, though only for salary changes.

"Long enough, you know lawyers they'll drag it out as long as they can." I joked, but Irina didn't laugh. She just looked at me and smiled.

"You're my best friend Edward, you know that? I'm so glad you came here." and she hugged me again.

Irina and Demetri moved in together and got engaged soon after. I was so happy for them, but it also made a part of me sad. I wished things had worked out like that for me and Bella, that there had of been someone fighting for our side as well.

I wondered every day about Bella, I fantasised about her, I jerked-off to the images of her in my head. The only way I could fuck Tanya was by pretending she was Bella. Bella had saturated every part of my life; there was nothing she had not touched in some way.

I finally came clean to Irina one night over a bottle of wine and a couple of pizzas at her apartment. I told her all about Bella and the incident at the office back in New Zealand. I confessed to her how I had called Bella a stupid mistake and before I had even finished my sentence, Irina punched me square in the face.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for Irina?" I said holding my cheek.

Irina sat back and glared at me, shaking her knuckles out while holding onto her wrist, "You dick. You called her a 'stupid mistake'? Are you kidding me? And you really don't see why I punched you for that? That was for women everywhere, lover-boy, you're just lucky this Bella never chopped your junk off for that shit! I've half a fucking mind to do it myself, wait while I get my carving knife."

Had it really been THAT bad a thing to say? Bella had to know I didn't mean it.

Didn't she?

Irina had cussed me out for a little while longer and threatened my 'junk' more times than it has ever been threatened before. She finally wrapped her arms around my shoulders and leaned her head against mine.

"You'll get your happy ending one day Edward."

I don't think she was talking about Tanya.

* * *

The wedding drew closer and Felix and Demetri were determined to get me to change my mind. They told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life and I would regret it forever, and they weren't the only ones singing that song.

The list of people who shared that opionin was growing. Even self-absorbed Kate had said something to me about it. That one had surprised the hell out of me, Kate pretty much ignored me outside of work and the times she did talk to me, the conversation usually revolved around her.

My brothers told me I was a fucktard, and I should just get my ass on a plane and come home. Emmett even threatened to go and steal my Aston Martin. I told him I would kill him. Seriously, I would without a moment's hesitation, that car was my baby.

My mother didn't really speak to me about the wedding or Tanya at all, on the odd times we did actually speak. Since her visit, things had been a little strange between us and I knew it all came back to Tanya. I knew my mother was against the wedding, but I hoped one day she would come around. Maybe when the first grandchild arrived she would change her tune about my choice of wife.

Carlisle was ecstatic, and continuously went on about the joining of the Denali's and the Cullen's. There was no response he required from me, I had already done my part.

* * *

The wedding drew ever closer and I grew more withdrawn from everyone. All my thoughts were of Bella and how different this experience would be if it had of been with her instead of Tanya.

Jasper called me once, to try and talk some more sense into me, but I was determined. This was the only shot I had as far as I could see and I couldn't let it pass me by. I wasn't joking when I said I saw two outcomes for me, basic survival or death by an opium cocktail no doubt. I was just trying to move forward.

I mean, Bella had probably already moved on. I'm sure she would have an army of men lining up waiting for her. I wanted to kill every single one of them.

There was a knock on my office door and I looked up to see Irina poking her head inside. "Hey Edward, Demetri and I are off for the night, he's taking me out to dinner."

"Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I said trying to make my voice light.

"Bye Edward." She sing songed as she left. The room plunged into quiet. The silence was deafening me. It was heavy and oppressive, weighing itself down upon you.

I packed up and decided to go home myself, anything was better than sitting here.

* * *

When I got home the place was blessedly empty, I imagined that Tanya would be somewhere with Kate pouring over last minute wedding details. It was two weeks away and Tanya was single minded, you either got out of her way, or she ran you down. This wedding was a huge deal to her, all her dreams coming true. She was getting the partner and the children. I was just getting the children and I kind of resented her a little bit for it.

We had decided that we would try for children after we were married. Well Tanya put her foot down and decided, and since I didn't have to actually carry the child or give birth to it, I agreed it really should be her decision. So we were going to try for a honey moon baby. It felt strange, imagining my future with Tanya when I did not love her.

I tried to love her, I really did, but I couldn't make myself fall in love with her.

I sat down and poured a drink, picking my phone up and calling Emmett. They would arrive in Paris a couple of days before hand, everything was organised. They were staying in a hotel this time, their choice. I wished I could join them.

"What's up Edward? This had better be good news, like 'Hey Em, just calling to tell you I broke off my engagement and I'm coming home.'." Emmett said to me answering the call.

"Fuck you Emmett. I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone was good for the wedding."

"Yeah, we'll be there man. You know we wouldn't let you down." He said seriously

"Thanks Emmett. I appreciate it." I really did.

"Hey you will never guess who I ran into the other day when me and Jazz were at the supermarket..."

"Who did you run into at the supermarket?" I imitated his excited tone. He was not amused

"Bella," He said simply.

I froze, all the laughter leaving me at once. Why? Why now? Was this a sign? I needed to know more, I had to hear more.

"How was she?" I asked my voice a little hoarse.

"She's doing well; she was babysitting for her cousins twins when we saw her. She was in a rush she'd left them with her flatmate. We did manage to convince her to have coffee with us. She looked well, different somehow though. I don't know. She heard about your engagement, by the way."

I had been sitting there so wrapped up in the recount of his conversation with Bella, it took me a minute to realise what he had said.

Bella knows I'm getting married? What did that mean? Did it mean anything? "What did she say about it?" I croaked my throat completely dry. Emmett didn't answer for a moment.

"She said to tell you she's happy for you." He said quietly. I hung up the phone, there was my answer. She was happy I was getting married, moving on. She didn't want me and maybe she never really had.

Stop crying. You made the decision to move on, so it shouldn't bother you that she has too.

I was confused and tired. Things had been a mess for me for so long now, I was running on empty. The only thing I could focus on was my upcoming wedding. I just needed to make it through that, and then everything work be ok, it would work itself out.

Or so I hoped.

**A/N: Please feel free to show us your love, frustration or just whatever random thoughts you have about this chapter/story we thrive on your feedback :)....**


	9. Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

**A/N: As always thanks to you who took the time to review. We feel your pain people and we are as eager to see Bella and Edward come face to face as you are...While that won't happen until the next update we think you'll at least be happy with what happens now...Bella's POV is really short this chapter is more about Edward....**

**Greenaway: Playlist for Edward's POV: Given Up by Linkin Park.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Linkin Park own Given Up. Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table.

* * *

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**Bella POV**

It had been two months since I'd had had coffee with Emmett and Jazz and I found that I was really missing them. We used to be so close Emmett was my best friend from the time when I first started working for him. He never saw me as merely his P.A. but I was his confidant and friend and he was mine. I used to be able to talk to him about anything and I really missed that.

I wondered if I should call Emmett and arrange to have lunch, but I quickly shot down the idea, it was probably not wise to get close to Emmett again considering I was trying to hide the fact that I had given birth to his brother's twins.

I considered what Emmett would do if I confided in him about the twins. _He'd tell Edward_ the small voice in my head answered confidently. Of course it was right, hadn't Emmett been the one to say that Edward had longed for a family, I was sure that his loyalty to his brother would be stronger than his loyalty to me over something so important.

I brought the new copy of financial quarterly when it hit the newsstand hoping to find any information about Edward, but it had nothing about him, though it did say that Cullen Industries had grown to become the globes largest company. I hadn't heard anything about him since I talked to Emmett and Jasper that day and I assumed he surely must have gotten married by now.

The thought had me hovering on the edge, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to purge Edward from my heart or from my thoughts and I still yearned for him. Seeing him so present in his daughter didn't help. I was however determined to keep pushing forward and trying to rid his hold on me.

My days were spent hanging out in the park or on the waterfront playing with Apple and Louis. They were now talking in broken sentences and I had started teaching them how to count to five and how to sing their A B C's. Every day they filled my heart with more pride and my love for them was overwhelming. It was wonderful to view the world from their perspective, everything was new and exciting and I found so much joy with every new thing they experienced.

My evenings were spent with Jake, he studied and I marked exam papers, or we'd spend the time playing spirited games of scrabble or backgammon. We were highly competitive with each other when it came to board games and we had a running competition in which I was leading. Jake was only a whisker behind me in points and was keen to keep challenging me in the hope that he might overtake me and claim the month's victory.

It was during one of our games of scrabble that Renee called to inform me that she and Charlie would be flying down to Wellington tomorrow to spend the week with Apple and Louis.

"That'll be good Mum, what time does your plane arrive?"

"Eight thirty in the morning, Bella why don't you book yourself into a day spa? my treat, you could do with some pampering sweetheart, you're doing a phenomenal job raising my grandchildren alone."

"I'm not alone, I've got Jake."

"Yes but ultimately Bella it's all you sweetie. Now promise you'll book an appointment for tomorrow."

"I promise I will and thanks Mum that's really nice of you."

"You're welcome belly bear, I'll see you tomorrow." I laughed at her use of my childhood nickname.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mum."

"Night sweetie and say hi to Jake for me."

"I will; bye Mum." I hung up the phone with a grin; the thought of being pampered was wonderful. I had forgotten what it was like to have alone time.

Not that Alice and Rose hadn't tried to whisk my kids off shopping or on stay over's at their place whenever they saw them, I just didn't want to be without them and while I allowed the shopping trips I couldn't bear to leave them over night just yet.

I went back to the couch to finish my game of scrabble and went to bed feeling jubilant that I had annihilated Jake and kept my lead.

I got up early and got Apple and Louis breakfast, cleaned up and dressed for when Charlie and Renee arrived, I dressed Apple in a emerald green muslin dress that was the exact colour of her and Edward's eyes, that was embroidered with a bumble bee sitting on top of a bright red apple, I left her gorgeous bronzed curls wild and her feet bare, I smiled at her she looked like a miniature hippy chic. I dressed Louis in blue jeans and a black classic Van Morrison T shirt and miniature Doc Martin's that Alice had brought for him.

Renee squealed in delight when she saw the twins, "Oh Bella they get more beautiful every time I see them. Apple has the most unusual hair colour, I know I've seen it on another person but for the life of me I can't think who."

I gasped silently and decided to steer the conversation in a less dangerous direction, "So Mum, Dad what made you decide to visit?"

"We had a free week in our diary so we decided we'd come down and give you a bit of a break and catch up with Rose and Alice."

"Well thanks heaps I really appreciate it." Kissed my children then Charlie and Renee and headed into town.

I had just opened the door to the salon when I ran into a friend I'd met through Emmett, she smiled brightly when she recognised me, "Hi Bella, long time no see, how are you? Are you still working at Cullen?

"Hi Lauren, I'm really good thanks and no I don't work for the Cullen's any more, I decided I need to do something different so I'm working for Victoria University marking exams and stuff. How about you what have you been doing?"

"You know working hard, partying hard. Hey speaking of partying hard I'm having an 80's party the Saturday after next at theboat shed.I'd really love it if you Rose and Alice would come."

"That would be awesome Lauren I'll talk to my sister's."

"Make sure you're there Bells it's gonna be wild night, oh and you have to come dressed as a musician or part of a band prominent in the eighties. So cast your mind back and get your lace gloves and legwarmers out baby."

"Awesome it sounds like it' gonna be fun." I needed to have a night out and let my hair down, I'd been responsible for so long now. It would be nice to be a little reckless for a change.

"Its gonna be wild girl, so I'll see you there ok? No chickening out." She gave me a swift hug and hurried out onto the street.

I floated out the salon four hours later feeling amazing, my skin glowed and for the first time since the whole Edward drama started I actually felt relaxed and contented with the world. I raised my arm to my nose and inhaled the aroma of my cinnamon scented skin and my mood brightened further.

I thought about Laurens invitation to her party and I decided I really wanted to go. I decided to ask Jake if he'd babysit for me that night, I knew he'd say yes in an instant so I thought about which 80's music icon I would go as. There'd probably be a hundred Madonna's and Cyndi Lauper's so I cast my mind back to the woman of the 80's that I used to love listening to, there was Pat Benatar and Chrissie Hind of the pretenders.

Then it came to me, 'Joan Jett' she was pure eighties rock n roll and the perfect person to portray. I pulled into the driveway and smiled when I saw Alice's canary yellow Porsche parked in the driveway.

I rushed into the house eager to see my babies and found them in their high chairs their little faces covered in tomato pasta sauce from their favourite tomato ravioli that Jake cooked for them. I gave each of them a kiss on their foreheads before going to hug Renee, Charlie.

"Thank you for today it was pure bliss and exactly what I needed."

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it and I must say your skin is positively glowing sweetie and you smell more divine than usual. I let go of Charlie and hugged Alice and Rose.

"I know those cinnamon products she used are absolutely beautiful and concentrated. I ordered the range from her it should be here on Monday. Speaking of the week after next Alice, Rose we have been invited to an 80's party. I ran into Lauren at the salon and she invited us. Jake, how would you feel about babysitting for me?"

"Sorry Honeypuff I'm going to see Tui and Dad that weekend." I tried to hide my disappointment.

"Oh that's ok."

"Bella we could have the kids for the weekend. They could fly with Jake and we could pick them up from the airport and he could bring them back with him on Monday morning. Please Bella we would love to have them." Renee looked at me pleadingly and though I didn't really want to agree I didn't want to hurt her by saying no.

"Oh…um…sure Mum of course you and Dad can have them for the weekend, if Jake doesn't mind flying with them."

"Of course not you silly girl. You deserve a night out Bells you should go and have a good time."

"Thanks Jake." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to sit at the table with Rose and Alice and told them who I was going to go to the party as.

Alice squealed in approval and told me she had the perfect outfit in mind for me. She had decided to go as Annie Lennox of the eurhythmics and Rose was going to go as Blondie.

I went to bed feeling more excited than I had in longer than I can remember. The prospect to let my hair down and have some fun while my children were safe with their grandparents was intoxicating and I was almost giddy with happiness.

The rest of the week passed in a happy blur and before I knew it Renee and Charlie were flying back to Tauranga and I had a little treat to look forward.

Rose, Alice and I spent the weekend scouring the vintage shops of Wellington in the hope of finding the perfect outfits and we weren't disappointed with our finds.

Saturday night couldn't come fast enough and I found myself counting down the hours until Jake and the Kids were on the plane and I was free to have some fun.

Maybe I would meet somebody there that could take my mind off Edward and keep moving forward.

* * *

**Edward POV**

I stormed into the kitchen and screamed. I wiped everything off the countertop with my arm and I punched a hole in the wall. I ripped the door off the liquor cabinet and I drank the 42Below straight from the bottle.

I was angry. No, I was _furious_. I felt like an idiot. I threw the bottle of 42Below across the room, hitting the huge fucking LCD television and shattering it.

How fucking _dare_ she?

I stomped around the penthouse, breaking random things and slamming doors. I didn't give a fuck anymore.

I was done.

I was fucking going home.

* * *

I had come home from the office early, the headache I had been suffering from all afternoon finally proving too much. I had walked through the front door, throwing my jacket and briefcase down on the floor carelessly. I began tugging my tie loose as I made my way to the bedroom where I could hear voices coming from.

"_Kids_, Tanya? Why would Edward think _you_ wanted kids?" I heard Kate ask.

I froze where I was and listened as Tanya's voice responded.

"Because that's what I told him." Tanya said blithely.

"But why Tanya? You _hate_ children!" I heard Tanya groan in response to Kate.

"Edward wants a family. You know, the whole wife and babies thing. It's so disgusting." She made a little gagging noise before continuing. " Carlisle told me all about his little dreams of picket fences and nappies. He suggested I work from there and I did. I happened to mention to Edward that I wanted a family and viola! I got a ring on this finger!" She finished gleefully. I was ready to throw up. Then strangle the fucking bitch.

She had been playing me like a fool the whole time. I was a little curious though; did she think I wouldn't _notice_ when we didn't have children? Or was she just planning on having them anyway and neglecting them?

What the hell was her plan there?

As if Kate could read my mind, she asked

"He's going to notice when you don't fall pregnant you know." I heard Tanya snort

"Edward thinks I've already gone off my birth control, and I have. I stopped taking the pill." Tanya said smugly. I was fucking confused, did she want kids or not?

"So you are going to go through with the whole pregnancy thing? You know what that will do to your body, don't you?" The vain and superficial Kate that I knew and loved, reared her perfectly manicured and preened head.

"Ew! Gross! I'm most certainly _not_ having _babies_. I said Edward _thinks_ I've gone off my birth control, but I've only stopped taking my pill. I went to the doctors and got a shot. I only have to go once every three months, so it will be easy to hide from Edward." Tanya sounded so fucking self satisfied that I wanted to dive into the room and tear her fucking throat out.

But had I really been any better? Had my own conduct been above reprisal? I knew it had not, so I stayed put and continued to eavesdrop.

"Oh my god. Tanya you can't be serious! What you're doing is so _wrong_! He's going to be disappointed time and time again when nothing happens! How can you do that to someone?" Kate demanded. I was truly surprised, Kate sounded like she actually _cared._

"He'll get over it. We'll cry on each other's shoulders and then one day it will just hurt too much for me to keep trying and I'll tell him I want to stop. I'll tell him how each time it feels like my heart is being torn out and that I'm failing him. After my sob story, he'll give me anything. I have it all planned out Kate. Don't worry."

"Holy shit Tanya. You need help, seriously. This is some pretty bad stuff you've got going on." I heard Kate shuffling around in the room before the doors opened. She was looking back over her shoulder at Tanya

"I can't be a part of this Tanya. It's wrong."

She didn't see me standing there and walked straight into my chest, a little 'ooff' escaping her. I looked down, my face expressionless.

Kate looked terrified.

"Do you have a ride home Kate?" I asked calmly. It had just gone on dark, and there was no way I would be letting her make her own way home at night.

"Felix is picking me up downstairs. I just text him a moment ago….. I might just go wait in the lobby. Uh, see you guys." she pushed passed me, practically running out the door. I slowly looked up and faced a quivering Tanya.

All the colour had drained from her face and her mouth was hanging open uselessly. I clenched my fists and the sounds of my knuckles cracking rang throughout the room.

"Quite the little plan you have there Tanya. You're much smarter than I have given you credit for." I said quietly taking a few steps forward. She automatically took three back.

"You truly did play me for the fool, you and my father. Has he been in on this from the beginning?" I asked, my eyes daring her to lie to me.

She was not as foolish as I, it appeared.

"Yes." She whispered. I nodded, I had thought as much.

"Did he know of your little plan?" she shook her head at me.

So Carlisle had just been trying to push us together.

"Get out." I said and began turning away. I had my answers, there was nothing further I wanted from Tanya Denali.

I felt something hard strike me in the back and I turned around. Tanya had thrown a hairbrush at my back. My fury rose, she was fucking playing with fire right now.

"Get out!? You can't tell me to leave! We have our wedding in a matter of days!"

I stared at her incredulously. She couldn't seriously think the wedding was still on. Every one's warnings started to echo through my mind and I began to wonder just how unhinged Tanya Denali really was.

"There is no _wedding_ Tanya, there is no _us_. I'll need an hour to pack my things, then the penthouse is yours until you find somewhere else, but I don't want you here right now."

"No! I'm not going anywhere and neither are you! We belong together Edward, you know we do! I'll never let you go, never! You asked me to marry you, you wanted _me!_" She screeched. Her eyes were wild and I couldn't keep my cool any longer.

"I never wanted you Tanya! I never even fucking loved you! There is only one woman I have ever loved, and I left her behind in New Zealand when I came here! You meant nothing to me Tanya, and it was wrong of me to use you like I did, but in reality you were using me too. Maybe it's better we found out now rather than later." I finished.

It was true, what Tanya had done was wrong, but I was not blameless in this situation. I had been using Tanya for my own selfish purposes, but she was still a person with feelings that I had casually ignored. I was no better than she really.

Tanya just stood there with her head in her hands, her hair tightly wrapped in her fists. She kept shaking her head and muttering, 'No! No, no, no, no.'.

"Just go Tanya." I said and her head snapped up instantly. She glared at me dangerously

"So you think you can just walk away? You lead me on and use me and you think I'll just stand by and take it? You don't know me very well at all Edward Cullen. If there's one thing I'm very good at, its revenge."

My hackles rose defensively. Was this psycho bitch really threatening me?

"Was that a threat Tanya?" I hissed at her. She just laughed darkly and shook her head as she stalked towards the front door.

"No, it's not a threat Edward. It's a fucking promise. I will always be watching and waiting and just when you think your life is fucking perfect, I'm going to take it away from you. Just like you've taken mine away from me." She slammed the door behind her.

* * *

I cleaned up the bottle of 42Below, tv and various other carnage that I had created around the penthouse and packed my things, taking a cab to Irina and Demetri's. They were surprised to see me there with my suitcases and brought me inside straight away.

"What's going on Edward?" Demetri asked confused.

I told them everything. Everything I had heard Tanya and Kate say, and they sat in silence listening to me, their faces both shocked.

When I had finished, Demetri quickly called Felix and told him to get his ass over, while Irina was on her cell phone in the corner talking to her father.

"Have you seen Tanya Dad?" She said biting her nails nervously. I couldn't hear what he said, but it obviously frustrated her.

"Because her and Edward have just busted up and Tanya's not handling it well. I'm afraid she might hurt herself or someone else." I could hear her fathers laugh.

"I'm serious Dad!" There was more laughter and eventually Irina just hung up on him. She stood there for some time, just staring at her phone and shaking her head.

Demetri came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle, just as Felix came bounding through the door looking at me in worry.

"What's going on? Why the urgent summons?" He said breathlessly. Demetri explained the situation and Felix cursed when he got to Tanya's little plan.

When Demetri had finished, Felix turned to me

"So what are your plans now, fearless leader?"

"I'm going home." I said quietly. The thought of going home to Wellington made me feel so light and free and I felt a smile stretch across my face.

There was a sudden bang behind me and I turned to see Irina standing there with her hand over her mouth staring at me in horror, her phone on the ground.

"You're leaving?" She whispered, clearly upset. I cursed myself for blurting it out like that.

I loved Irina, Demetri, Felix and even Kate. They gave me life and made me feel human again, when all I wanted to do was shut myself off from the world and drown in my own misery. They had saved me and I would always owe them for that. But Wellington was my home and I had been away from her for far too long.

I didn't care if Carlisle had a problem, I would hand him my letter of resignation and walk into any other fucking job I wanted. The world was open to me, and Cullen Industries was only one of it's options. I was not going to live under Carlisle's thumb anymore. If he wanted me to stay with the company, then I was going home, end of discussion.

"Fuck it, I coming too." Felix said out of nowhere. We all just stared at him dumbfounded. He shrugged in response

"What? Hey, we're a fucking team and we stick together. Edward was there for you two idiots when you couldn't sort your shit out, and plus he's our boy." He smiled mischievously

"And if the bonus is that I'm on the other side of the fucking globe to psycho Tanya, so much the fucking better I say. And your brother is one cool dude, I like Emmett, he's a man after my own heart." Felix began picking at his nails. Demetri just looked at him flabbergasted

"So you want to uproot your life, leave your girlfriend behind…"

"Katey will come too. My honey loves her some excitement." Felix interrupted. Demetri just shook his head and carried on

"So you are going to leave your entire life behind because you want to party with Emmett?"

Felix rolled his eyes and then shot me a smirk

"Nah, I want to go 'cause Esme is one _fine ass_ woman." I chucked a magazine at his head.

"Seriously though, professionally it would be suicide for our team to split and it just wouldn't work long distance. Personally, I meant what I said, Edward's like a brother to me, and I ain't staying around to play 'Guess that Horror Movie' with Tanya. So off to the land of the Kiwis I go!" Felix looked at Irina with a raised eyebrow

"You gonna be able to let him go off without you? Who's going to be your maid of honour at your wedding then?" Felix teased.

Irina continued to look troubled for about another minute before she finally looked at me and laughed.

"Edward's going to be my best man doofus, and you're right we _are _a team. So Wellington here we come!"

"Demetri?" Felix asked. Demetri looked bored all of a sudden and shrugged

"Why the hell not?" He then looked at me and grinned.

"So, you got a house big enough to fit us all in over there? You're going to have roomies until we get our shit sorted."

Irina came and lay down next to me, putting her head in my lap. I stroked her hair off her face while I smiled at Demetri

"Plenty of room, dumbass, my house is fucking awesome." Irina grinned up at me in excitement.

"Well, bring on the 'fucking awesome' house I say! To the end of the 'Slag' era. May she forever remain nothing more than an unpleasant memory." Demetri hollered

We all raised our imaginary glasses and yelled

"Cheers!"

* * *

They spent the rest of the evening cheering me up and making plans for our huge communal move. The more we talked about it the more excited Irina became and soon she got on her phone to Kate, who began squealing in excitement. Apparently Felix was spot on when it came to what Kate's reaction would be.

After midnight everyone had gone to bed and I went to the guest room. I checked the time and did the mental math, it was about seven pm in New Zealand.

I dialled my mother's number.

"Edward sweetie! This is a pleasant surprise, I was just packing for our trip to France." Her happy voice tinkled down the phone. I wasn't sure how to tell her I had fucked my life up yet again, so I just went with what came into my head first.

"I've broken up with Tanya." I blurted. There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Mum?" I asked worriedly. Still nothing.

"Mum? Are you still there?" I asked, getting more concerned. She breathed in sharply.

"Really?" She whispered, her voice overflowing with hope. I smiled, maybe if she ended up happy at the end of this, it wasn't all bad.

"Really." I answered. There was another brief period of silence then my mother's voice rang out strong and _loud_

"Oh, thank fucking god for that!" She exclaimed and I burst out with laughter.

I heard Emmett's voice in the background, asking if his mother just said 'fuck', along with Carlisle's disapproving murmurs.

My mother ignored them, screaming

"He broke up with Tanya!!" Silence. Then Emmett's voice came hollering out to put her phone on speaker. There was about a minute of shuffling as my mother tried to put her phone onto loudspeaker but ended up nearly cancelling the call. Jasper finally got the phone off her

"Can you still hear us Edward?" He asked

"Loud and clear." I said.

"So, what made you finally come to your sense fucktard?" Emmett yelled happily.

I told them the story again, leaving out Carlisle's little involvement. He and I would be having a discussion on that soon. Very soon.

"Fucking Slag!" Emmett spat. For once my mother didn't seem to care about his language.

"You're far better off without her honey. So what are you going to do now?" she asked. I took a deep breath.

_Here we go……_

"I'm coming home."

Esme, Emmett and Jasper all cheered happily, but my father's voice rang out above them all.

"We had an agreement Edward." He said coldly and I bristled

"If you want to play it like that Dad then go ahead," I answered angrily. I had expected such a reaction from him, but it still pissed me off.

"But I'm coming home. With or without a job at Cullen Industries. I'm also bringing my team with me, our new base of operations is going to be Wellington. Irina is getting onto our replacements tomorrow." I heard him growl, but I cut him off "This is how things are going to be Dad, accept it. As for our 'agreement', you should know that Tanya and I had a little talk. You owe me." I finished coldly.

He must have read my meaning, because he shut up quickly.

"Fine. But you better make sure Paris is left in capable hands. You built up that branches reputation, don't put it on the line now."

I spent the rest of the conversation talking to my mother and brothers. They were thrilled that the others would be joining me as well. We talked for about an hour and by the time I got off the phone there was a small smile playing on my lips. I had just ended my engagement today, yet I hadn't felt this happy in a long time.

I was going home. Home to Wellington.

Back to Bella.

* * *

The next few weeks, Irina and I spent literally all our time, finding our replacements and tying up loose ends for our departure. Felix and Demetri spent their time sorting their personal affairs, they were both excited about the big move and ready for a change they said.

Before we knew it, we were all boarding the plane, and once on board I ordered a strong whiskey. Irina had the seat next to me and she chatted non-stop asking me all about New Zealand. It was a big move for her, she had never even visited before.

Over twenty-five hours later, we touched down at Auckland airport and Felix went crazy. He brought thousands of little kiwi magnets from the gift shop, as well as a greenstone tiki. He brought one for Kate as well and they both put them on giggling at each other. Eventually though, Felix's stomach got the better of him and we made our way to the food court. I was thankful to my friends extreme appetite.

I needed coffee and I needed it bad.

"So where's your family Edward?" Felix asked as we sat down at a free table with our orders. I took a big sip of my coffee, ignoring the fact that it was fucking hot and burning my throat like a bitch.

"We're only in Auckland Felix, we have to catch a connecting flight to Wellington. They will be meeting us there." I answered, my voice a little hoarse from my newely scorched throat.

"Then it's onto your place isn't it?" Kate asked. She didn't appear to be overjoyed by the idea. Felix hugged her to him and kissed the top of her head.

"Not for long Katey, baby. We'll find our own place within a week, I'm telling you."

Kate just nodded and began picking at her food again, removing herself from the conversation.

"Yeah, we won't impose on you too long Edward. We should be able to find something by the end of the week." Demetri said through a mouthful of toast. I grimaced at him

"None of you are imposing. Hell, you all picked up your lives to follow my sorry ass. I still don't quite understand why by the way…" I trailed off. Irina punched me, and it really hurt.

She punched like a man, it was scary.

"You grew on us Edward. Plus, we're like Cullen Industries Dream Team at the moment, splitting us up is not only bad business for the company, but career suicide as well. So you see, we had no choice _but_ to follow your dramatic ass all the way to New Zealand." Irina teased. I stole her bagel and took a really big bite. She punched me again and my eyes watered a little.

We boarded our connecting flight to Wellington an hour later and arrived a little after lunch. We were greeted by a grinning Emmett and a beaming Jasper.

"Edward Cullen comes home." Emmett said, coming up and taking Irina's bags for her with a suggestive smirk. She blushed and looked away while Emmett looked in anticipation at Demetri. He was hoping for a rise for flirting with his girl.

But Demetri being Demetri, he just smiled and shrugged. He was too mellow and laid back to worry about those kinds of things. Plus he had got to know Emmett really well on their last visit.

"Good to see you home man, it's where you belong." Jasper said, clapping me on the back.

"Mum's at your place. She's been there all morning cooking you guys a welcome home lunch" He added. Felix's eyes brightened and he practically moaned

"God bless you mama Cullen. _You_ are what makes the world go around."

When we arrived back at my house I nearly cried, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I was finally, _finally_ home. I showed Felix and Kate and Irina and Demetri, their rooms and give them a chance to put down their luggage. We then made our way to the kitchen where my mother was making the most incredible meal I have ever seen.

There was roast lamb, pork, beef and chicken, plus every salad known to man. She had made bread rolls from scratch and apple pie and pavlova for desert. Emmett and Felix looked like rabid dogs the way the attacked the food. Every one just made sure to keep their fingers clear of them.

My mother was overjoyed I was home, and kept telling me how glad she was that I called things off with that 'horrible woman'. I couldn't have agreed more.

Carlisle turned up later, just as Mum had left and everyone else had gone to bed. He wanted to discuss the 'Dynamics of my Team', but it was bullshit. He just wanted to attack the relationship between Irina and Demetri.

Unfortunately for him, I had anticipated this and I pulled a large envelope out of the top of a suitcase.

"Copies of the new contracts Irina and Demetri signed. Their relationship did not start until _after_ they signed the new contracts. It's all above board and one hundred percent legal." I said, glaring at him. "It's also non-fucking negotiable. They're _my_ team, and as long as they are, I'll decide the rules. Don't ever think for a second that I can't or won't walk away from Cullen Industries Dad, because I will. Don't force my hand." I warned.

He had stood there gaping at me, before composing himself and stalking off, clutching copies of the contracts. I watched him leave and then turned to go to bed myself, I had really missed _my_ bed.

* * *

True to his word Felix found him and Kate an apartment right in the city centre within the first week. Kate was thrilled and absolutely loved the place, she craved the hustle and bustle.

Demetri and Irina followed suit a few days later, renting a little townhouse in the suburbs. We merged ourselves seamlessly into the Wellington branch and began back at work almost immediately. I was back in my old office which was nice and difficult all at the same time. It felt strange watching Irina sit at Bella's desk. It certainly felt strange (and fucking uncomfortable in my pants) when I worked at the desk Bella and I had fucked on. I could practically hear her fucking moaning in my ear every time I closed my eyes and smell her scent all around me.

I didn't know where Bella was or even if she would want to see me, but I was almost compelled to search her out.

_And then do what? What is this big plan bright-spark? I think you need to go back to the drawing board._

I didn't know what I would do if I saw Bella. But I knew I wanted to. I knew I _needed _to.

The door banged open, and Emmett came barrelling in, just like he used to.

"P A R T Y! Spells party!. Remember that Lauren chick? Anyway, it's not important. She's having an 80's party this Saturday at the Boat Shed and she said you all could come too! You have to go as an 80's musician and I am _so_ gonna go as Meatloaf. I would make a kick ass Meatloaf and you fucking know it too!" He finally plonked himself down into one of the chairs and smiled at me.

"Jazz is going as Billy Idol. What about you?"

I shrugged. He had only just told me about the damn party, I had no fucking clue what costume I was going to wear.

He cocked his head to the side and studied me

"I see you as an Axl Rose to be honest. True, you don't have the locks, but essentially it's the same fucking colour."

I considered what Emmett had said. Then it struck me and I smiled

"Paradise City, Axl Rose." I said. Emmett grinned at me

"Now ya talking bro."

An 80's party? Sounded like it could be fun. That was something I hadn't had in a long time.


	10. Reunion

**Chapter Ten: Reunion**

**A/N: **First offLight and love to all of you who took the time to review as you know your thoughts and feelings on the story make our day. Also thanks to those who have added the story to their alerts and favourites.

**Special Note from Cinnamon Twist101:** I would like to dedicate this chapter to my daughter who skydived from 8,000 ft for her 13th birthday yesterday,(I assure you she will not be reading any further than the A/N...), I am in awe of your fearlessness and your ability to step outside the square and challenge your limits...So proud of you my baby girl...

**Disclaimer: **S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & myself own An Angel at my Table. All songs used in this chapter are owned by the respective artists and writers.

**Playlist:** Joan Jett: do you want to touch me, Guns n Roses: Patience, Madonna: Crazy for you, Duran Duran: Save a prayer...

It's been a long painful process getting these two back in the same City and now that they are the fun, games and frustrations really start :)....

* * *

**Bella POV**

Saturday morning dawn bright and clear, I kissed the twins goodbye and tried to keep the tears from spilling down my cheeks. Jake gave me and hug and kissed my cheek, "it's going to be fine Bells, we'll be back in a couple of days you'll barely have time to miss us."

"I miss you all already." I said in a voice thick with tears.

"Bells just go out and have a good time and we'll see you on Monday night."

"That's ages away, maybe I should just flag going to the party."

"I don't think so Isabella Marie Swan. Look it's only tonight and tomorrow night and then we'll be home. Go to your party and have a good time. I'm taking the twins with me regardless if you go to the party or not and it will only be worse for you rattling around that empty house with even more time on your hands. At least if you go out and have a few drinks maybe acquire a hangover you'll be able to sleep all day Sunday and then it won't seem as long."

I laughed at his logic, "Ok...And thanks again Jake and say hi to Renee and Charlie for me and tell them I'll call them tomorrow sometime."

"No worries now hurry up and get into party mode, Alice and Rose will be here soon and they'll be wanting to start getting on it early. They're really excited about getting to take you out so don't ruin it for them by moping around. Oh and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I laughed harder, "you goody two shoes? Mate you have nothing on me sweetie. Years of experience here." I said pointing at myself.

Jake rolled his eyes, "Ok I'll see you Monday." I kissed the twins again closed the car door and hurried inside so Jake wouldn't see my cry.

As soon as I got into the empty house I wanted to call Jakes cellphone and tell him to come home, I eyed my cell phone on the bench and quickly scrolled down to Jakes number. I hesitated for a moment before calling.

I groaned when it went staright to voice mail and rolled my eyes when Jakes answer phone message came over the line.

"_No Bella I will not turn around and bring the kids home, for god's sake put on your party dress and go to the ball Cinderella. Have a good time, don't lose your slippers or kiss any frogs they don't turn into princes. and be sure to be home by Monday or you'll turn into a pumpkin." _Jakes laughter rung out in my ear.

"Fuck you Jake." I hissed, "and thanks my fairy god mother, I owe you." I hung up with a sigh and looked around the empty kitchen, my mood gloomy. When I could bear it no longer bear it I headed for the shower.

I used the cinnamon products the beauty salon ordered for me and I revelled in the concentrated cinnamon scent it left on my skin. I quickly applied a thick layer of black mascara to my upper and lower lash line and a slash of red lipstick on my lips.

Alice and Rose turned up sporting costumes and a bottle of tequila just as I was finishing painting my fingernails black. Alice smiled approvingly at my colour choice.

She set down the costumes while Rose headed for the kitchen in search of shot glasses, "are you ready to party belly bear?" Alice smirked at me and I laughed.

" Hell yeah," I said with more enthusiasm than what I was feeling.

"Yay Bells this going to be so much fun. Have you rehearsed your song?"

"Yeah a few times, I know the lyrics but I'm not looking forward to having to sing in front of a crowd," Lauren had text me to tell me that everyone who was at the party that night had to get up and perform a song by the artist they represented.

Rose returned with the shot glasses and we set about consuming most of the bottle as we talked about who would be there at the party tonight. I was starting to really feel the effects of the alcohol, it had been such a long time since I'd consumed any.

"Jazz and Emmett will be there for sure. You know those two they love nothing better than a good party." Alice gave me a sideways glance to see how I was going to react to that.

"Hey I never thought of that. Yay it will be good to party with Jasper and Emmett again. it's been so long and I'll be able to find out if Edward got married."

"And if he did?" Rose looked at me sympathetically.

"if he did I'll be happy for him but it won't change how I feel about him."

"So you love him even after all of this time."

"Yes I've tried so hard to purge him from my heart but I can't he's the father of my children and…"

"He might be the father of your children Bells but you're never going to tell him that! So don't you think you should move on?" Rose's voice had a tiny edge of impatience and I knew she hated the fact that I would pine after a man, not to mention a man that treated me so appallingly.

Alice passed me my costume and ordered me into it effectively ending my conversation with Rose. I stripped off my sweat pants and poured myself into the skin tight black leather pants Alice had found for me.

The damn pants were so tight I had to lie on the couch to get them done up. When I finally had them on and had walked around the room in them for a moment they felt extremely comfortable. I threw on the black leather top Alice had chosen for me it zipped up at the front and it left my mid drift bare. She finished the look off with a pair of black and silver studded boots she'd brought for me.

I wasn't too keen on the top, I felt exposed and a little slutty but Alice and Rose refused to let me change into the sex pistols T-shirt I had planned on wearing.

"Bella Joan Jett wore sexy leather outfits not T shirts and you're one hot looking Momma so why not flaunt it. Your stomach is flat and thanks to my recommendation of using Bio Oil you have no stretch marks. So let's have no more arguments or tantrums. Besides that song you chose screams slutty so don't play coy let your bad girl out of her cage and live a little." Alice gave me a threatening look and I sighed in defeat.

"Here Bells I've got something that will help you relax." Rose headed for the sideboard draw and pulled out a little tin, she pulled out a joint and waved it in the air.

"Where did that come from and how did you know it was there? I didn't know it was there."

Rose laughed, "Jake left it for us. He said he wanted you to have fun while you could." I silently thanked Jake and took the joint and lighter from Rose.

I put it to my lips and took a couple of big tokes passing it to Rose with a grin. The effects were instantaneous and I was beginning to feel comfortably numb thanks to the combination with the tequila and I even got over what I was wearing.

We smoked the rest of the joint and then another and I was feeling at peace with the world. I packed another couple of the herbal cigarettes in my bag for later and followed Rose and Alice out the door.

When we arrived at the venue the place was packed and the party was in full swing, we registered at the door and I was pleased to see I was the only Joan Jett on the list at least I was original.

We made our way inside and fought through the throng of people to the bar. I checked the cocktail list deciding on a flirtini a delicious mix of champagne, vodka and pineapple juice I ordered two so I wouldn't have to come back so soon. I grabbed my glasses and followed Rose and Alice into the crowd.

I kept my head down cast watching my feet as I pushed my way through the mass of people. I was surprised when I was grabbed from behind by a massive set of hands, "Bells how the fuck are you? I didn't know you'd be here tonight."

I recognised Emmett's booming voice at once and spun around to face him. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw him in his costume, "let me guess, Meat loaf. Am I right?"

"Don't you know it Joan Jett?" I laughed and was stoked that Emmett knew who I was trying to portray."

"Touché, It's really good to see you Emm, is Jazz with you?"

"Yeah he's floating around somewhere. Hey babe are you keen for a bit of Christmas cheer?" Emmett flashed me a mischievous grin.

I thought about what Alice and Jake said about making the most of my free time. I grinned at Emmett, "Why the fuck not. Christmas is only a few weeks away after all."

"That's my girl. You don't mind if a couple of mates join us do you?"

"Nah I guess not."

"Cool babe let's go." Emmett grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd toward the back of the venue.

I smiled shyly at the two men Emmett had invited to come with us. We made our way down a small corridor and emerged in an empty office.

Emmett locked the door behind us and headed for the desk, "Bella this is Felix and Demetri from our French division they work with fucktard. Felix, Demetri this is the beautiful Bella my ex P.A. and good friend."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you both." My heartbeat began to accelerate, what were Edward's work colleagues doing here in New Zealand and was Edward with them?

"It's nice to meet you Bella." Demetri said his English thick with his French accent. He smiled at me and Felix nodded his head in agreement.

"Here Bells." Emmett passed me the rolled up note and I snorted a couple of rails up each nostril with a satisfied moan. I passed the rolled up hundred dollar bill to Felix and moved over to stand with Emmett.

"Fuck Bells you're looking fucking hot tonight. Are those pants painted on?"

I blushed scarlet and snorted, "Hardly Emm. But these pants fucking feel like it. You know Alice." I said in way of an explanation.

"I do," Emmett laughed and pulled me into his arms, "so as tradition has it Bells we need to have a little make out session."

I looked at him in surprise, "Oh yeah I forgot about that." The tradition of me having to kiss Emmett to thank him for the blow. There was nothing in the kiss it meant nothing to either of us it was just Emmetts idea of a laugh.

Luckily I was so wasted or I would never have kissed him in front of Edward's work colleagues. But the alcohol and drugs had robbed me of my sensibility chip.

I pulled away from him after a few minutes and returned to the desk to have a couple more rails before we made our way back to the party.

I left Emmett with Demetri and Felix and went to look for Alice and Rose. I was starting to feel the effects of the coke and I half danced through the crowd. I stopped to watch the poor person who was on stage performing their number and I sincerely hoped the list with my name on it got lost or burnt or had some other type of unfortunate bad luck bestowed on it

I couldn't find Alice or Rose anywhere so I made my way to the bar and ordered another couple of cocktails. I looked toward the stage when I heard Laurens voice ring out over the PA system.

"Next up is Joan Jett can we please have Joan Jett on stage now." My knees began to tremble and I considered doing a runner, but just as the idea formed Alice came up behind me and grabbed my arm.

"Come on Bells that's you." I resisted Alice and grabbed my cocktail from the bar, downing it in one. I grabbed the other glass and allowed Alice to pull me toward the stage. I chugged my cocktail and handed the empty glass to Alice.

Though I was petrified, the drugs and alcohol I had consumed had given me Dutch courage and I let Alice push me onto the stage. I looked out over the crowd and was pleased to see that I couldn't see anyone directly due to the brightness of the light.

I grabbed the microphone and took a deep breath as the first bars of my song rung out around the room.

_We've been here too long_

_Tryin to get along_

_Pretendin that you're oh so shy_

_I'm a natural ma'am_

_Doin all I can_

_My temperature is runnin high_

_Cry at night_

_No one in sight_

_An we got so much to share_

_Talking's fine_

_If you got the time_

_But I ain't got the time to spare_

_Yeah_

I was starting to get really amped up from the coke and I seemed to let my inhibitions go as I took a leaf out of the book of two 80's music icons, Madonna and Michael Jackson, and ran my hand over my breasts and across my stomach, letting it rub over my mound.

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

_Yeah oh yeah, oh yeah_

_Every girl an boy_

_Needs a little joy_

_All you do is sit and stare_

_Beggin on my knees_

_Baby, won't you please_

_Run your fingers through my hair_

_My, my, my,_

_Whiskey and rye_

_Don't it make you feel so fine_

_Right or wrong_

_Don't it turn you on_

_Can't you see we're wasting time, yeah_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

I waited until the music stopped then rushed off stage to a deafening roar of cheers and wolf whistles. I was grateful to see Rosalie standing at the bottom of the stage with a drink in her out stretched hand and gulped it down gratefully.

"Bella that was awesome, fuck you were just smoking, you little ninx." She hugged me tightly.

"Whatever. if I hadn't been so totally fucked up I would never have gotten on that stage."

"Well it's over now and you can just enjoy the rest of the night." We moved off into the crowd as Lauren called for the next person to make their way to the stage.

The next performer was Axl Rose from guns and Roses, one of my favourite bands. I was surprised when Jasper sidled up beside me and threw his arm around my waist.

"Jesus Bella if you were anymore hotter in that performance you would have set the place on fire. That my darling was an inspired performance."

I rolled my eyes and I could feel the blush creeping across my cheeks, "whatever Jazz. If it wasn't for Emmett's Christmas cheer I would have never haven even got up there."

"Well I'll be sure to thank Emmett for that later. Now speaking of inspired performances, I've got a surprise for you." He grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward the stage.

He walked us up so we standing front row centre and kept hold of my hand as someone began to whistle into the microphone.

I looked up and my heart skipped a beat and my legs began to shake uncontrollably. Edward was standing there dressed in white leather and it seemed like he was looking directly at me.

I looked at Jazz in confusion and horror, he just smiled at me reassuringly and mouthed "listen."

I turned my attention back to the Stage as Edward began to sing. My breath caught it my throat when his velvety voice reached me.

_Shed a tear cause missing you_

_I'm still alright to smile_

_Girl, I think about you every day now_

_Was a time when I wasn't sure _

_But you set my mind at ease_

_There is no doubt you're in my heart now_

_Said woman take it slow_

_It'll work itself out fine_

_All we need is just little patience_

_Said sugar make it slow_

_And we'll come together fine_

_All we need is just a little patience_

_Patience_

_Sit here on the stairs_

_Cause I'd rather be alone_

_If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear_

_Sometimes I get so tense_

_But I can't speed up the time_

_But you know there's one more thing to consider_

_Said woman take it slow_

_Things will be just fine_

_You and I'll just use a little patience_

_Said sugar take the time_

_Cause the lights are shining bright_

_You and I've got what it takes to make it_

_We won't fake it, never break it_

_Cause I can't take it_

…_little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,_

_Need a little patience, yeah_

_Just a little patience_

_Some more patience, yeah_

_I've been walkin these streets tonight_

_Just tryin to get it right_

_It's so hard to see with so many around_

_You know I don't like being stuck in crowd_

_And the streets don't change but maybe the names_

_I ain't got time for the game,_

_Cause I need you (patience, yeah_

_Yeah, yeah well I need you_

_Oh, I need you (take some patience)_

_Whoa, I need you (just a little patience is all we need_

_Ooh, this time_

I stood rooted to the spot. I was aware that my sympathetic nervous system was going into overdrive causing my flight, fight, fright response to go to war with itself and I didn't know if I should turn and run, stay and punch Edward in the face, or just melt into his arms.

I turned to Jazz in confusion, "what the fuck Jazz?"

"He's home Bella and he doesn't have a wife." I looked at Jazz as his words washed over me and I tried to fight the rising fear threatening to engulf me.

Edward was back in Wellington for good and he hadn't married what's her ugly face.

"And what's that got to do with me? I was nothing but a stupid fucking mistake to him." Anger was coming to my defence and now that I had seen Edward I couldn't stop all the hurt from flooding through me as the memories came rushing back.

"Why would you say that Bella?" Jasper was looking at me pensively a frown marring his face.

"Because that's what he told your Daddy that night before he walked out the door without a backward glance." I hissed venomously.

"Nah fuck off Bells he wouldn't have said that about you." Jasper was shaking his head.

"Yeah he did. And you can tell him from me thanks a fucking lot." I stormed away into the crowd. I needed to get outside and give myself time to think.

I sat down on the edge of the rock wall and took one of the joints from my purse and sparked it up taking a long drag. My head was spinning with confused thoughts. Was Edward trying to tell me something with the song? How was I going to avoid him now he was back in the city?

I thought about running into him on the street when I had Apple and Louis with me and the thought made me shudder violently. Images of Edward as he sung that song danced across my mind. He looked beautiful and I felt that familiar ache of longing.

I toked on the last of the joint and I considered my options. I thought about leaving the party and going home which would have been the sensible thing to do but my body seemed to have other ideas.

I stood up though I tried to resist, it was as if I was caught in the gravitational pull of the super massive black hole that was Edward and I found myself making my way back inside, my body was tingling with that inexplicable electricity and I knew I must be getting closer to where he was when the voltage began to increase until it hit fever pitch. I hated my body for betraying me.

I stood a little way behind him and waited for him to turn around; I smiled to myself as I heard the song that started playing.

_Swaying room as the music starts_

_Strangers make the most of the dark_

_Two by two their bodies become one_

As if Edward could feel me behind him, he slowly turned around and looked directly into my eyes, a beautiful smile broke over his angel face and I was lost.

_I see you through the Smokey air_

_Can't you feel the weight of my stare_

_You're so close but still a world away_

_What I'm dying to say, is that_

_I'm crazy for you_

_Touch me once and you'll know it's true_

_I never wanted anyone like this_

_It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss_

_I'm crazy for you, crazy for you_

He moved toward me and took me in his arms and I felt like I was home. Current surged through me, I felt like I'd been electrocuted when his skin came into contact with mine and all rational thought left me.

"_Bella."_ Was all he said as he began to sway us to the music.

_Trying hard to control my heart_

_I walk over to where you are_

_Eye to eye we need no words at all_

_Slowly now we begin move_

_Every breath I'm deeper into you_

_Soon we two are standing still in time_

_And if you read my mind you'll see_

_I'm crazy for you_

I didn't really take notice that the song had changed all I cared about was for this moment I was back in the arms of the man I loved.

_Feel the breeze deep on the inside look down into the well_

_If you can you'll see the world and all his fire_

_Take a chance like all dreamers can't find another way_

_You don't have to dream it all, just live a day._

_Don't say a prayer for me now_

_Save it til the morning after_

_No don't say a prayer for me now_

_Save it til the morning after_

_Pretty looking road I try to hold the rising floods that fill my skin_

_Don't ask me why I'll keep my promise I'll melt the ice_

_And you wanted to dance, so I asked you to dance_

_But fear is in your soul_

_Some people call it a one stand but, we can call it paradise_

_Don't say a prayer for me now_

_Save it til the morning after_

Edward pulled his face from my hair and stared into my eyes, I was mesmerised like a bird caught in the hypnotic stare of a snake.

He smiled at me again and brought his lips to mine and the world stopped, everyone around us melted away and it was just the two of us alone in this moment in time.

The magic of the moment was shattered by Emmett's loud voice clearly audible even over the music, "oh thank fuck for that, I hope you two don't fuck it up this time. You belong together." I pulled my lips from Edward's as I registered Emmett's words.

He obviously thought we were going to have some sort of relationship and I instantly felt uneasy. I had no plans to be with Edward again after tonight. I just wanted to wash away the memory of being called a mistake.

Edward led me to the bar and got me a drink, his hand encircled my waist and he held me tightly as we moved toward Jasper. He was standing with Demetri and Felix, his eyes lit up when he saw Edward with his arm around me.

Demetri and Felix looked surprised and were both looking at Edward questioningly. I turned to look at Edward and my heart stuttered when I saw the beatific smile playing on his lips. His eyes sparkled and he tightened his grip around my waist, his face moved to my hair and he inhaled deeply.

His lips moved to my ear and he whispered, "I'm sorry Bella." I looked at him full in the face and I could see hurt and the sincerity in his eyes and I gave him a small smile.

"Let's not do this tonight Edward, we'll talk tomorrow." He smiled even wider and brought his mouth back to mine. The uneasy feeling intensified, I was being stupid, selfish and reckless and I setting us both up for heart ache. And while I knew all of this I still couldn't stop myself.

I don't know how long we stood there kissing it could have been minutes or hours, all I knew was that I was melting further into Edward the longer our lips stayed together.

It was Jazz who interrupted us this time, "fuck you two get a room." Edward pulled his lips from mine and growled at his brother. Jasper laughed and rolled his eyes, "so who's up for a more private party?"

Edward's face lit up in anticipation, "what did you have in mind bro?"

"How about we book a couple of Room's at the Bolton Hotel**."**

Edward looked at me and I could see a hint of fear in his eyes, "do you want to join us Bella."

Stupid mouth spoke the words before my brain registered the question or the consequences," Sure why not."

Edward kissed the top of my head and I could tell he was both relieved and happy. I was confused; he was acting like he did that night in his office before we were caught, like he wanted me, like he needed me like I needed him.

We were soon holed up in one of the two penthouse suites of the Bolton. Edward introduced me to Irina and Kate and explained who they all were. Kate seemed standoffish and she almost seemed bored as she clung to Felix's side. Irina on the other hand was very warm toward me and she seemed genuinely interested in making conversation.

She asked me how I knew Edward and I blushed, "I was his P.A." I mumbled.

I asked her how she'd met Edward and she smiled radiantly, "I'm his P.A. He's such a cool boss and my best friend." She beamed at Edward who mussed her hair and gave her a dazzling smile

I noticed their ease and familiarity with each other at once and I felt a tiny twinge of jealousy realising they had the kind of working relationship we never did.

We partied on with the others for a couple of hours; Edward dragged me off to the bathroom with Jazz to do a few more rails before we retreated to the other penthouse, which Edward had hired for us.

As soon as he shut the door behind us we threw ourselves at each other and began to pull our clothes as fast as we could in our haste to be naked in each other's arms. Edward laughed when I couldn't peel off my pants; the sound was like the sweetest melody as it rang out and broke the silence. He bent down to help me.

"Oh god Bella you are so exquisite, you have no idea how much I want you." He sighed deeply as he carried me to the large couch and laid me down against the cool leather.

I closed my eyes as his lips sort mine and his hands roamed hungrily over my body, a soft moan escaped his lips as his hand slid over my breast and down along the curve of my waist.

My skin felt like it was on fire and I felt like I was going to combust with the red hot intensity of Edward's kiss, His lips slid from mine and moved along my cheek trailing slowly down my neck. I twined my fingers in his hair as his lips moved down over my collar bone and over the soft swelling of my breast.

I sighed as he took my nipple between his lips, teasing and sucking it into a hard point before moving to the next one, "Mmm Bella I love the way you feel. your skins so soft and smooth and you're smell-cinnamon, it smells like home."

I tried not to think about Edward's words there would be plenty of time to torture myself with them tomorrow when I was alone again. The thought had me tightening my grip in his hair as he kissed a trail down my stomach inching ever closer to my aching sex, it was desperate to feel him.

We both moaned in unison as his tongue found my swollen clit, his tongue ran along my slit before disappearing into my wet core, "god Bella you taste like heaven. Edward's tongue slid back to my clit and he drew it between his lips as his fingers slipped into my core and pumped me gently.

"Edward I want to taste you too." He lifted his head and his eyes sought mine. There was no mistaking the lust in them, a low growl escaped his lips.

I scrambled into a sitting position and pulled him onto the couch.

I kissed him passionately as I pushed back into the soft leather. I pulled my lips from his and straddled his stomach using my knees to hold my weight, my fingers curled around his cock and slid the length of it slowly before I leaned down and licked it with my tongue.

Edward's moan was like of pure lust and my core throbbed for him, I kissed his tip and let my tongue tickle his slit before I slid him into my mouth. I gasped around him as he gripped my hips and pulled me back toward him, he slid underneath me and brought his tongue back to my sex.

I sighed as my tongue ran over his slit and tasted the salty precum gathered there, I drew him deeper into my throat with every bob of my head and I revelled in sucking his beautiful hardness.

I could feel the electricity beginning to intensify in my core and I knew my orgasm was only moments away, I desperately wanted Edward to cum with me so I increased my tempo and sucked him harder, while my free hand slid to cup his balls, I felt him harden in my mouth and my name escaped his lips as he spilt himself down my throat.

I revelled in the feeling and the taste of Edward as his essence slid down my throat and I cried out his name as I let my orgasm wash over me.

I slid him from my mouth with a sigh. Turning quickly I sat on his stomach and looked into his sparkling green eyes, there was something there that I couldn't decipher.

He smiled at me as his hands slid up and down my waist, "Bella…I…"

I cut him off, "Ssh Edward let's not speak tonight, let's just feel and leave the talking for the daylight."

I leaned forward and kissed him hungrily before he could protest. I squealed into his mouth when he suddenly lifted me off the couch and carried me to the bedroom and the colossal bed in contained.

I looked around the room and I was stunned by the beauty of the city lights that twinkled around us from the continuous glass walls.

Edward laid me in the centre of the bed and slid his body up the entire length of mine until our lips me in a searing kiss. I could feel his hard cock pressing against me and I was desperate to feel him inside me, "I want you inside me Edward."

He moaned into my mouth as his knee moved in between my legs parting them, I guided him into my warmth, sighing as he slid into me, I wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him deeper into me.

I could sense that same feeling of desperation and need in the way Edward buried himself into me that was present the first time we were together. I studied his face as he rocked above me, his eyes were closed and he was wearing an expression of pure unadulterated ecstasy and it made him even more beautiful.

I closed my eyes when his face dropped to my neck and his lips caressed the delicate skin there, his breath felt warm against my flesh and I shivered in pleasure. I opened my eyes and I noticed the room beginning to lighten with the approaching dawn, I clung to Edward desperate to hold him close to me for as long as I could before I ran.

Intense pleasure was once again beginning to build in me and my breathing became more rapid, Edward noticed and whispered in my ear, "cum for me my Bella, call my name my love…"

I couldn't hold back or think about what Edward had just called me. I called his name repeatedly as I let myself fall over the edge. I held him close as he let himself go, his body shuddering violently against mine.

He pulled his face from my neck; he looked down at me and gave me a breathtaking smile. That same emotion was back in his eyes, "Bella."

"Please Edward don't say anything just hold me tight...Let's get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning ok…"

He pulled me against his chest and buried his face in my hair inhaling deeply. I lay against the pillow and tried not to let myself think about anything else than how I needed to get out of here as soon as Edward was asleep.

I waited until I heard his breathing deepen and become slow and even. I carefully extricated myself from his arms and tiptoed from the room. I didn't bother trying to find my underwear I just picked up my clothes off the floor and got dressed quickly.

I tiptoed to the doorway and watched Edward sleeping for a moment, committing the vision to memory before I turned and crept out the door.

I kept my head down as I made my way out of the lobby and into the cool spring air.

* * *

**Edward POV**

Saturday morning I awoke bright and early and with a new frame of mind. I wasn't going to settle for second best and I wasn't going to wait for fate to drop a family in my lap. I was going to go out and fucking take it.

I was going to track Bella down and beg her forgiveness and plead with her to give me a chance. I was going to tell Carlisle to go fuck himself if he thought Bella wasn't good enough for the Cullens. She was good enough for me and that's all that fucking mattered. I was going to go down fighting.

I walked out into my kitchen to find it completely full. Everyone was there. Emmett and Felix were sitting on the other side of the island across from the cook top where Irina stood flipping bacon and looking warily at the two of them. I couldn't blame her they looked ravenous, like they might take her hand off at a moments notice.

Jasper and Demetri stood outside on the deck each holding a mug of coffee and having a cigarette. It looked a good choice to me.

Irina glanced up as I walked in and gave me a welcoming smile.

"See you all like to make yourselves at home." I teased as I walked around and kissed her on the cheek. I reached down and snagged a perfectly cooked piece of bacon out of the pan and jumped back quickly before Irina could take it back.

"Hey, that's not fucking fair!" Emmett sulked.

"It's my fucking house and my fucking bacon." I countered and took a large bite, rubbing my stomach in exaggerated appreciation. Emmett growled at me

"You're about to cross a line that even brotherhood can't save you from Edward. Don't fuck with me and my food. I mean it." Emmett said and Felix nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, what he said. You don't pay me enough to be able to afford bacon." Felix said.

I rolled my eyes, Felix was _overpaid_ if anything.

I poured myself a coffee and went out to the deck, nodding a greeting to Demetri and Jasper.

"Demetri was just telling me how much he's been enjoying New Zealand." Jasper said to me conversationally. I nodded and took a sip of coffee.

"Of course he does, what's not to fucking like?" I said. Jasper rolled his eyes and Demetri laughed before going inside to rescue Irina from Emmett and Felix.

It was feeding time at the zoo.

"So are you ready for this party tonight Edward?" Jasper asked me seriously. I looked at him in confusion

"Uh, yeah it's an 80's party, no big deal. We have to sing a song of the musician we go as or some shit, but it's no big deal. Well, it's going to be when Felix and Demetri get up and sing 'Blame it on the Rain'. Those two can't sing for shit." I said shaking my head. They were horrible.

"You know that Bella knows Lauren right? Emmett introduced them ages ago. She could be there tonight, are you ready for that possibility?" Jasper said and took a large mouthful of his coffee.

I hadn't considered it actually. I hadn't known that Lauren and Bella knew each other, but I suppose I should have guessed. Bella had probably met most of Emmett's friends over the years as his P.A..

Was I ready to see her yet? I had this new found resolution but did I have the mettle to test it?

" If she's there I'll deal with it." I said firmly. I would, I would tell her I was sorry and ask her to listen to me. I would explain all my actions and beg her forgiveness. I would even tell her all about Tanya, I wanted us to have no secrets. There should be nothing we couldn't tell each other, I couldn't handle any more lies to be honest, I'd had my fill of being manipulated with Tanya. From here on out, everything was out in the open. It couldn't be any other way.

"How are you going to deal with it Edward? Are you going to make some quasi polite comment like you always do and brush her off? Or are you really going to do something this time. She's not going to respect you unless you earn it and she's not going to want you unless you show her how much you want her first."

I thought about what he had said. He was right, I needed to step up and show her how much I wanted her instead of just hoping she'd see it all on her own.

_What if she has a boyfriend? _

Well then I guess I'd just have to fight that much harder.

"I'm going to tell her I love her Jasper. I'm going to tell her I never stopped thinking about her while I was away, I'm going to ask her to give us a chance." I said determined.

Jasper just nodded in approval.

"About fucking time bro." Jasper said.

* * *

Every one just spent the day at my house relaxing and having a few drinks. And for once, I was drinking at the same rate as everybody else, not triple it.

Irina was an absolute riot, she had decided to go the party as Toni Basil and was dressed up in the cheerleader outfit from the music video. She even had the shoes with the fluffy pom poms on them. She spent the early evening before we left doing cartwheels left right and centre, much to Jasper and Emmett's delight. Demetri wasn't so impressed, but he didn't seem upset by it either. Felix didn't notice, Irina was like a sister to him and even if she wasn't everyone knew Felix only had eyes for his Kate.

Jazz decked himself out in 80's glamour trash punk, and sang into his beer bottles about "White Weddings" and how it was "A nice day to start again". The fool loved Billy Idol.

Felix and Demetri went as Milli Vanilli just like they said they would complete with long dredlock wigs.

Kate went as Kate Bush, dressed as she was in the Wuthering Heights video. She looked beautiful, but she knew it and it dulled some of her shine I thought.

Emmett clearly stole the show though, he _was_ Meat Loaf. Right down to the ruffle shirt and red scarf thing he used to hold.

Me I was dressed as Axl Rose from the Paradise City video. White pants, black t shirt and a white leather jacket. Irina grabbed me just as we were all making our way out the door to go to the party

"Wait! You need this." She said and wrapped a blue bandana around my head

"_Now_ you're Axl Rose." She dragged me out to the Taxi van.

* * *

We got to the party and immediately Emmett broke off from us dragging Demetri and Felix with him, claiming they couldn't go anywhere without each other tonight, or they would ruin the whole look.

Jasper and I took Kate and Irina to the bar and got them a cosmopolitan while Jasper and I just got a Whiskey Neat each.

"Where did Emmett run off to with Felix and Demetri?" Irina asked sipping on her drink and looking around. I shrugged, who knew when it came to Emmett?

Jasper took Irina and Kate off to have a dance and I checked my cellphone. Thirteen missed calls. All from Tanya. Fuck, I was going to have to change my number at this rate. I cleared the call list, hoping that if I ignored her long enough, she would get the message and leave me alone.

Demetri found me a little while later, grinning his pupils dilated. He was fucking flying.I chuckled in amusement.

"Hey Demetri how you enjoying the party?" He sniffed and looked at me, nodding quickly.

"It's fucken awesome, I've just been out the back doing lines with Emmett and this gorgeous chic who was poured into the tightest leather pants I've ever seen."

"Really?" I asked only half listening. I was scanning the crowd for Bella and I had been since Jazz and the girls had taken off to dance. So far, no sign of Bella, but I wasn't giving up. There would be no more giving up where she was concerned.

"Yeah they seemed pretty chummy the way they were making out and joking around with each other. Yeah she was saying she used to work for him." Making out? Joking around? Used to work for him? It certainly sounded like Bella, her and Emmett used to pull that kissing shit all the time, it made my blood boil and usually I would storm off in a big tantrum. I'm sure he must have done it sometimes just to piss me off.

"What was her name?" I asked in a voice that sounded foreign to me. I had to be sure..

"Um…Bridget...no…Bianca, no hang on it was Bella. Yeah Bella." Demetri answered me with a grin, pleased he had remembered her name. He had no idea who Bella was to me, what I had been through for her, what I would go through for her again.

"Bella, did you say Bella was here doing lines with you and making out with Emmett?" I said unconsciously. My mind was a whirl.

"Yeah why do you know that Bella chick?" Demetri asked looking at me with a frown. He noticed my demeanour and was becoming suspicious. I didn't have time to go into it with him.

If Bella was here I needed to find her.

"Yeah though I haven't seen her in a while, did you say they were making out, look do you know where they went?" I tried to play it cool, so he would let it go. I could tell him all about her later.

Demetri looked around.

"I don't know about Emmett but there's that Bella chic up on the stage and yeah they were kissing and saying something about a Christmas tradition."

I whipped around to face the stage and my heart stopped beating in my chest, and I took the first real breath I had since that Christmas long ago.

She was there. My Bella, looking like Joan Jett. A flash of anger ran through me at the thought of Emmett kissing those sweet tempting lips, but I fought it back. There were bigger things to think about at the moment.

Bella picked up the microphone and took a deep breath. I took one right along with her. I was frozen to the spot unable to move. I could hear Demetri ask me what was wrong, but I couldn't respond. All my focus was on the magnificent woman on stage.

I had waited so long to see her again.

_We've been here too long_

_Tryin to get along_

_Pretendin that you're oh so shy_

_I'm a natural ma'am_

_Doin all I can_

_My temperature is runnin high_

Her voice was beautiful, though she seemed a little tense until she got to the chorus and then she really let go. Much to my painful, throbbing discomfort.

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

_Yeah oh yeah, oh yeah_

She was practically fucking herself on stage, and my cock grew uncomfortably in my white leather pants. I grimaced and moved awkwardly, trying to adjust myself.

_My, my, my,_

_Whiskey and rye_

_Don't it make you feel so fine_

_Right or wrong_

_Don't it turn you on_

_Can't you see we're wasting time, yeah_

She was fucking turning me on alright, in the middle of a fucking party no less. I was officially adding Do you Wanna Touch to my all time favourite songs, along with If U Seek Amy.

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

She practically bolted off the stage when the music stopped to a variety of cat-calls and wolf-whistles. I struggled to see where she had gone. I tried to follow, but the throngs of people separated us and I lost her.

I began scanning the crowd frantically, I couldn't loose her again, not now, not after everything that's happened! Damn it, I need my chance!

They began calling for Axl Rose to take the stage and an idea popped into my head. I couldn't tell Bella everything I wanted to here, but maybe there was still a way to tell her how I felt about her. I knew the perfect song.

"Ready to rock it out Axl?" Jasper asked coming up to me at the side of the stage.

"Jazz, I need you to do me a favour. Bella's here, find her and bring her to the front of the audience and keep her there." I begged him with my eyes to help me. He looked at me for a second before breaking out into a huge smile.

"I can do you one better, I already know where she is! What are you going to sing for her?" He guessed handing me the guitar I motioned to.

"Patience." I yelled as I climbed on the stage.

I waited until I could see Jazz's blond head coming back towards the stage through the crowd, then I began to whistle into the microphone. I spotted Bella and she was staring at me in shock. I hoped it was the good kind.

She looked at Jazz confused, and he said something to her and she turned back to the stage as I began to sing

_Shed a tear cause missing you_

_I'm still alright to smile_

_Girl, I think about you every day now_

_Was a time when I wasn't sure _

_But you set my mind at ease_

_There is no doubt you're in my heart now_

_Said woman take it slow_

_It'll work itself out fine_

_All we need is just little patience_

_Said sugar make it slow_

_And we'll come together fine_

_All we need is just a little patience_

_Patience_

I poured every ounce of feeling I had into the song, and it wasn't Axl Rose singing to his Joan Jett, it was Edward Cullen singing to Isabella Swan. He was telling her about his initial doubts, about the loneliness he felt away from her. He sung to her from his heart, his first step towards a future with the beautiful woman before him.

_Sit here on the stairs_

_Cause I'd rather be alone_

_If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear_

_Sometimes I get so tense_

_But I can't speed up the time_

_But you know there's one more thing to consider_

_Said woman take it slow_

_Things will be just fine_

_You and I'll just use a little patience_

_Said sugar take the time_

_Cause the lights are shining bright_

_You and I've got what it takes to make it_

_We won't fake it, never break it_

_Cause I can't take it_

I had waited, I had waited so fucking long, the living dead in France. I had tried to live without her and it hadn't worked. Wether Isabella Swan would have me or not, I knew there would be no other for me.

_I've been walkin these streets tonight_

_Just tryin to get it right_

_It's so hard to see with so many around_

_You know I don't like being stuck in crowd_

_And the streets don't change but maybe the names_

_I ain't got time for the game,_

_Cause I need you (patience, yeah_

_Yeah, yeah well I need you_

_Oh, I need you (take some patience)_

_Whoa, I need you (just a little patience is all we need_

_Ooh, this time_

I belted out the end verse Axl Rose style and hoped Bella understood my message. No the streets hadn't changed in Wellington, but the people had moved on, the names had changed. Had Bella?

I looked into the crowd and I could see her arguing with Jasper. I felt my stomach drop, she didn't look like she was ready to fall into my waiting arms. I made my way off the stage my eyes never leaving her, as I watched her storm off from Jasper.

Speaking of Jasper, he was making his way over to me with a frown on his face

"Did you call Bella a mistake you fucking piece of shit? After you fucked her no less?" Jasper snarled at me. I stepped back automatically, after Irina's reaction to my comment, I was a little more gun shy.

"She pissed man and I don't blame her. How could you? Do you have any idea how that would have made her feel Edward? In front of Dad no less." Jasper was pissed.

"I didn't mean it Jasper. I thought if Dad didn't think there was much attachment, he might have let Bella keep her job. He didn't of course, but I would have done anything at the time to help her." I said quietly. Jasper's face had softened throughout my speech and he looked at me in frustration.

"you just make everything so fucking difficult Edward, you know that? Why you have to…." I tuned Jasper out, as my body began tingling strangely.

'Crazy for you' by Madonna came on, but I didn't really hear it, nor was I listening to Jazz. Instead it felt as if my body where alive with electricity.

I turned around, though I had no choice in the matter, my body was moving of its own mind, and I came face to face with Bella. I smiled and took her into my arms. She felt so right there, like finally I was complete, she had been the missing piece all along.

I didn't bother dwelling on the fact that after my very public declaration, she had ran away from me, it didn't matter that she hadn't forgiven me for my cruel and untrue remarks that Christmas. All that mattered was she was here with me, and I felt human again.

"Bella". I breathed and began to move us to the music. The song changed before I knew it, but I couldn't have cared less, I just buried my face in her hair and breathed in deep that spicy cinnamon smell that my pitiful memory had not done justice enough.

I pulled away and looked into those deep brown depths, that had been my companion and solace during my time in France. They had kept me sane, they had kept me whole. God, I loved this woman with everything I had. She was my world.

I smiled at her, and gently pressed my lips to hers. There was no choice involved, my body ran on pure instinct around Bella and right now it was telling me to kiss her. I wasn't going to argue.

"Oh thank fuck for that, I hope you two don't fuck it up this time. You belong together." Emmett's crass and loud voice cut through the music, destroying what had been one of the best moments of my life. Bella broke our kiss, and she had a look on her face that I just couldn't decipher.

I decided to ignore it for now, and led Bella towards the bar for a drink. I felt proud, as I walked through the crowds of people with my hand on the small of her back, for the moment, she was with me and was mine. We got to the bar and I ordered her a drink, wrapping my hand possessively around her waist and leading her towards Jasper, Demetri and Felix.

Jasper looked at both of us, his eyes lighting up with happiness. He was the best kind of brother a man could ask for, both him and Emmett. Felix and Demetri were looking at me with raised eyebrows, and Felix mouthed 'What the fuck?'. I just smiled and buried my face into her hair and that intoxicating fragrance, tightening my grip around her waist at the same time. They were my best friends, and still I was trying to pull the Alpha-male, 'stay away from my mate' game. It was beyond ridicouls, but completely involuntary. She was mine, and I wanted everyone to know.

_She's not yours, not yet and in fact, she's been giving out some pretty strong signals to the contrary. You're setting yourself up for a fall._

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. She still hadn't heard me out yet. I decided that I had better get onto that quickly.

I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered "I'm sorry Bella". She looked me in the eye, and I wished I could read her mind, her face was changing emotions by the minute and I couldn't keep up. Finally she gave me a small smile.

"Let's not do this tonight Edward, we'll talk tomorrow." she said.

My heart soared. She didn't want to get into a deep talk tonight, and that was fair enough. She said we could talk about it tomorrow. Tomorrow meaning she wanted to see me tomorrow. I thought I might actually fucking burst with happiness and they'd be picking up little Edward Cullen chunks from around the room.

I crashed my lips into hers, and lost myself in the kiss.

"Fuck you two, get a room." Jasper called. I pulled myself away from the heaven of Bella's lips and growled at Jasper. My brother's constant fucking cock-blocking was going to get them both killed. He just laughed at my bravado and rolled his eyes, I knew he was happy for me.

"so who's up for a more private party?" He asked. My ears perked up immediately. A private party sounded good.

"What did you have in mind bro?" I asked eagerly.

"How about we book the penthouse suite and the residence sweet at the Bolton hotel?" He suggested with a raised eyebrow.

I looked down at Bella in worry. Would she want to go?

_Please say yes. Please._

"Do you want to join us Bella?" I asked, I was not ready for our time to be over yet.

"Sure why not." She answered.

I breathed a sigh of relief and kissed the top of her head.

* * *

Before I knew it we were in the penthouse of the Bolton. I felt the same pride I had at the party when I got to introduce Bella to the rest of my friends. Kate was Kate, polite, but only barely, holding onto Felix for dear life. Which he loved.

When I introduced Bella to Irina though I felt a strange warmth at my best friend meeting the woman I loved.

Irina was Irina, and began talking to Bella as if they were old friends. She asked how we knew each other and shot me a quick look. She already knew all about Bella, but she was wise enough not to bring it up. I loved her just that much more right then. Bella responded that she used to be my P.A.. When Irina bubbled that she was now my P.A. and best friend, Bella and cast a sad look between Irina and myself . I wondered what that was about, surely she didn't miss being my P.A., I hadn't been very pleasant to work for.

Everybody got along really well and the atmosphere was light and easy. I felt like myself, only better and I wished this night would never end. Everybody I loved was surrounding me at that moment and I felt very blessed.

Jazz insisted I do a few lines with him for 'old times sake' and I practically hauled Bella along with me. I wasn't going to let go of her for a second.

* * *

The night dragged on and I began to get impatient. While I was loving having Bella so close to me again after all this time, it was also torturous not being able to have _all_ of her. After a while I couldn't take it any more and I dragged her off to our own penthouse.

I shut the door (and locked it this time.) and turned around to find Bella launch herself at me and begin tearing at my clothes. I did not have to be told twice. Bella got trapped in her unpractically erotic pants and I couldn't help but laugh, as I helped her to remove them.

I picked her up reverently, feeling our naked skin pressed against each other and committing it to my memory. As if I would ever forget.

"Oh god Bella you are so exquisite, you have no idea how much I want you." I took her to the couch and lay her down gently. She was so beautiful, could such a creature really be meant for me?

I leaned down and kissed her, I had to, her lips were slightly pouted from her heavy breathing and they caused her lips to look just a little fuller. They were irrestible.

I allowed my hands to finally feel the perfection that was Bella's naked flesh. Her full breasts (they _were _full. A little fuller than they had been before actually. Oh, well, bonus I guess.), and down to her waist. Wait, that was different too. Her hips were a little rounder. It was nothing noticeable, but I had memorised every bit of Bella's body from our first encounter. Then I had replayed it repeatedly, sometimes several times a day, in my head, so lets just say, I am an _expert_ when it comes to Bella's body. I have literally studied it so to speak.

I wanted to kick my own ass when I realised that I was focusing on the whys rather than just enjoying the fact that Bella's breasts were a little bigger. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I kissed a trail from her cheek all the way down to those lucious _fuller_ breasts and I felt her fingers go into my hair. It was like a fucking switch to my dick, the minute she tugged on my hair, I was as hard as a fucking rock.

I took one of her beautiful pink nipples into my mouth and sucked, loving the way she tasted. She was like the best fucking drug I had ever tried in my life. Fuck, heroin, nothing was more addictive than Bella. I moved across to the other nipple, not wanting it to feel neglected and lavished attention upon it.

She smelt so damn good, and it was if that sweet, spicy scent that was Bella was concentrated between her breasts. I felt like I had been alone for so long, drifting with no real direction with nothing to look forward to. But here with Bella now? It felt like I was where I belonged.

"Mmm Bella I love the way you feel your skins so soft and smooth and you're smell-cinnamon, it smells like home." I murmured against her enticing body.

I had to taste her. It was not a question of want, it was genuine fucking need. I kissed her all the way down her body, loving the way she would grip my hair in anticipation. She wanted this just as much as I did, and that thought alone had me ready to fucking explode.

I trailed my tongue down her folds and Bella's moan echoed mine, as my tongue touched her throbbing clit. I was so fucking hard, it literally hurt.

I moved my tongue down further to her entrance and dipped it inside her, curling it, trying to get every drop of her juices, evidence of her desire for me, I wanted it all. None was to be wasted.

"God Bella, you taste like heaven." I moaned and attacked her clit with my tongue. I slid my fingers inside her and began fucking her with them gently.

I loved the feeling of her tight walls clamping around my fingers, her juices running down my fingers. I was so fucking turned on that when Bella told me she wanted to taste me I had to fight the urge to throw her down and just fucking take her. Lucky for me, Bella took charge, kissing me and pulling me down onto the couch. She then straddled me so her back was facing me, her tight little ass spread across my stomach. I didn't mind the view of that hot fucking ass, I was loving imagining all the things I could do to it.

Her tiny hand wrapped around my throbbing cock and she caressed the length of it, then proceeded to lick it slowly. I thought I was going to fucking come from that alone. She teased me a little before taking me into her hot little mouth and I couldn't help the moan that escaped me as I grabbed her hips roughly and pulled that sweet pussy to my eager mouth. I teased her clit with my tongue drawing little patterns before I would fuck her with my tongue. She was so warm and so fucking wet, I felt like I was drunk from her.

But my pleasure was two fold, not only was I intensely aroused from fucking Bella with my mouth, Bella's mouth was also doing incredible things to my cock. She took the entire length of me into her mouth and I bit back a groan as I felt myself hit the back of her throat. She picked up her pace and I could feel my release speeding towards me like a freight train. When her hand cupped my balls I came undone and I moaned her name as she swallowed everything I gave her.

I curled my tongue lightly around her clit, and then firmly flicked it and I felt her body shake above me as she came. None of my dreams could compare to this, and I knew I couldn't let her go, not now. I loved her.

She turned around and put her adorable hands on my chest and looked into my eyes, I didn't know what she was searching for, but I hoped whatever it was she would find it. I would do anything to keep her.

I slid my hands over her waist "Bella…I…" I began. I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say, but I recognised the fact that we needed to talk.

"Sssh Edward let's not speak tonight, let's just make love and leave the talking for the daylight." Bella stopped me. I didn't know why she wanted to keep avoiding the subject, and I was going to ask her when she kissed me with such a passion, literally all thoughts other than her went out the window.

I picked her up and carried to the bed, eliciting the most delicious squeal from her.

I lay us down on the bed kissing her deeply and enjoying the feel of my hard cock against her soft skin.

"I need you inside me Edward." Bella whispered and I was lost to the lust again. Whatever my Bella wanted, I would give to her. I spread her legs with my knee and slid inside her. Every memory from our first night washed upon me and intensified the moment for me. She wrapped her legs around my waist and locked her ankles, urging me deeper with each thrust, pushing me for more.

I closed my eyes and let myself feel. I let go of all the hurt and pain, all the mistakes and lack of communication. I let myself feel whole again, as I moved inside her warmth.

Suddenly Bella, clutched at me and held onto me like I might disappear. Silly Bella, I couldn't live without her. I had tried and failed.

Bella's breathing sped up and I knew she was close again

"Cum for me my Bella, call my name my love…" I whispered into her ear. I needed to hear her moan my name the way she did as she let go. No sound in the world could rival it.

We came together and she did call my name, over and over in fact.

We lay there together in each other's arms and I looked at her all the love I felt for her channelled into that stare. Her name tumbled from my lips.

"Please Edward don't say anything just hold me tight, let's get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning ok…"

I wanted to know why she was avoiding talking to me, but I couldn't deny her, not now. I pulled her into my arms, because that is where she belonged, where she had always belonged. I pressed ,my face into her hair and breathed in deeply.

No, we wouldn't talk tonight, but in the morning I would insist. She was hiding something from me and I wanted to know what it was.

But not tonight. Tonight was about breathing again.

_I'm finally alive again._

I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**Greenaway: Now stop being mean to Edward! LOL just kidding **

**Cinnamontwist101: Show us some love people and review. And I'm pretty sure its gonna be Bella's turn to be lynched mobbed...**


	11. Author's Note

Author's Note:

Hello everyone.

Well, what a few weeks it has been! Describing it as hectic would be an understatement.

If you follow Edward's Clan at all, you will probably be aware of the recent troubles I have been experiencing. I have decided to discontinue posting my stories on Fan Fiction. To be honest, it seems like far too much trouble to me and Cinnamon, and we have decided to post Angel At My Table completely under her profile.

All updates will be posted there from now on, but all reviews will still be read by both of us and I am still happy to receive any questions regarding the story.

Thank you for all your understanding and support.

Greenaway


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